Everyone Deserves to Feel Beautiful
12/17/2009
Today I am featuring a cause that has changed the way I think about people: The Help Portrait. Photographers from all around the world set aside their time on December 12th in order to give back to those in need.
And all they did was use their talents.
They took time out of their regular schedules in order to shoot free portraits of the homeless, the single parents, the sick, and the poor. They offered their gifts in order to give these people the gift of feeling beautiful, special, and loved.
This video made me think. It made me brainstorm. It made me evaluate how I am using my life. Am I glorifying God with my talents? Am I giving back to people in need using the gifts I have? Am I giving someone the chance to feel beautiful and loved?
I don't know.
But I do know that I can start today by taking time out of my busy schedule to make someone feel loved. I'm in no way, shape, or form a photographer, but I do have talents. I can't sit down and film a documentary to showcase the beauty of every woman and young girl I meet. {I wish I could.}
I can't do any of those things, but I can do something.
So I will.
Everyone deserves to feel beautiful, no matter who they are.
Something to Ponder: How can you use your talents to give back to someone in need?
I'm Really Just Not Worth It
12/16/2009
The biggest problem among girls and women today is not addiction. It's not even worldliness or moodiness.
It's our perceived lack of value that creates the biggest issues in our lives.
Addiction doesn't stem from nowhere; it has to start with something. And-unfortunately- that something is usually related to how much value we think we have.
Or don't have.
The truth is, most of us- addictions or not- don't believe that we're really all that valuable. We throw ourselves away for relationships, success, fame, money... really, the list is endless. We pursue these things (these ideals) in life so that at the end of the day we can feel more valuable.
Only the sense of value never comes.
The gaping hole just gets bigger and bigger, and pretty soon we need to do more and more to feel like we are "worth it". It's an endless cycle that reinforces the belief that we will never amount to anything of value. Pretty soon our "normal" lives transform into lives that are chasing worth. Some of us move from man to man. Some of us move from addiction to addiction. Some of us sit in the feeling of despair until the hopelessness of the situation causes us to take action.
In a negative way.
It's not a "self-esteem" problem; it's a truth problem. We don't know the truth. We don't know our value. We don't know our purpose... so we try to create our own. We try to form our own worth from the sand of this world, and we are somehow surprised when it all sifts back to nothing.
Here's truth: you have worth and value (and not because the world says so). You are valuable because God created you. You are valuable because Christ died for you. You are valuable because you have God's Spirit living inside of you. No matter what you've done in the past. No matter what kind of person you were before today. No matter what you've done, what you are, and what you are going to do, you have value and worth beyond measure.
There are so many times I react with "I'm just not worth it". I list the ways I've screwed up. I tally off the number of times I've steered off course and made mistakes. I write my flaws on the wall for the world to see, and I stand back and say, "There's truth." There are so many times I doubt God's love for me because of my past and my failures.
But in those moments when I desperately cry, "Look at all I've done!", He gently reminds me: "No, look at all I've done."
He's wiped my sins away. He's painted over the walls proclaiming my lack of worth. He's erased my lists of failures. He's bandaged the self-inflicted wounds and has traded His blood for mine.
And He's done the same for you. Nothing in your past, present or future disqualifies you from God's love. All you have to do is receive it. Cling to it. Trust in it. Rest in it.
He places so much value on your life. More than you will ever know.
Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." It's hard to love a person who doesn't love you back- isn't it? But this is exactly what God did. While we were still chasing love from this world, Christ died for us. He died so that we would know of the love God has for us. He died so we would know of our value. He died while we did everything imaginable to defame His name.
Yet He still did it. He still loved us.
Romans 8:14 calls us "sons of God". Romans 8:17 names us "heirs" to His throne. Ephesians 1:5 says we are His "adopted" sons and daughters.
That's love. Imagine the love a parent feels for his or her child and times that by a million.
That's God's love for you. That's the worth He places on you. That's the truth of the matter.
Christ died for you. That is what this Christmas season is all about. It's not merely another celebration of a human birth; it's an all-out celebration of the birth of the One who came so you could have worth. He was born so He could die. He was hated so you could be loved.
Jesus is not about condemning. He didn't come to give us a list of all that we should and should not do. He came, He lived, He died so you and I would know- beyond a shadow of a doubt- that we are loved.
And you are loved, my friend. So deeply loved and so deeply valued, and NOTHING can take that away from you.
It's our perceived lack of value that creates the biggest issues in our lives.
Addiction doesn't stem from nowhere; it has to start with something. And-unfortunately- that something is usually related to how much value we think we have.
Or don't have.
The truth is, most of us- addictions or not- don't believe that we're really all that valuable. We throw ourselves away for relationships, success, fame, money... really, the list is endless. We pursue these things (these ideals) in life so that at the end of the day we can feel more valuable.
Only the sense of value never comes.
The gaping hole just gets bigger and bigger, and pretty soon we need to do more and more to feel like we are "worth it". It's an endless cycle that reinforces the belief that we will never amount to anything of value. Pretty soon our "normal" lives transform into lives that are chasing worth. Some of us move from man to man. Some of us move from addiction to addiction. Some of us sit in the feeling of despair until the hopelessness of the situation causes us to take action.
In a negative way.
It's not a "self-esteem" problem; it's a truth problem. We don't know the truth. We don't know our value. We don't know our purpose... so we try to create our own. We try to form our own worth from the sand of this world, and we are somehow surprised when it all sifts back to nothing.
Here's truth: you have worth and value (and not because the world says so). You are valuable because God created you. You are valuable because Christ died for you. You are valuable because you have God's Spirit living inside of you. No matter what you've done in the past. No matter what kind of person you were before today. No matter what you've done, what you are, and what you are going to do, you have value and worth beyond measure.
There are so many times I react with "I'm just not worth it". I list the ways I've screwed up. I tally off the number of times I've steered off course and made mistakes. I write my flaws on the wall for the world to see, and I stand back and say, "There's truth." There are so many times I doubt God's love for me because of my past and my failures.
But in those moments when I desperately cry, "Look at all I've done!", He gently reminds me: "No, look at all I've done."
He's wiped my sins away. He's painted over the walls proclaiming my lack of worth. He's erased my lists of failures. He's bandaged the self-inflicted wounds and has traded His blood for mine.
And He's done the same for you. Nothing in your past, present or future disqualifies you from God's love. All you have to do is receive it. Cling to it. Trust in it. Rest in it.
He places so much value on your life. More than you will ever know.
Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." It's hard to love a person who doesn't love you back- isn't it? But this is exactly what God did. While we were still chasing love from this world, Christ died for us. He died so that we would know of the love God has for us. He died so we would know of our value. He died while we did everything imaginable to defame His name.
Yet He still did it. He still loved us.
Romans 8:14 calls us "sons of God". Romans 8:17 names us "heirs" to His throne. Ephesians 1:5 says we are His "adopted" sons and daughters.
That's love. Imagine the love a parent feels for his or her child and times that by a million.
That's God's love for you. That's the worth He places on you. That's the truth of the matter.
Christ died for you. That is what this Christmas season is all about. It's not merely another celebration of a human birth; it's an all-out celebration of the birth of the One who came so you could have worth. He was born so He could die. He was hated so you could be loved.
Jesus is not about condemning. He didn't come to give us a list of all that we should and should not do. He came, He lived, He died so you and I would know- beyond a shadow of a doubt- that we are loved.
And you are loved, my friend. So deeply loved and so deeply valued, and NOTHING can take that away from you.
Why Can't I Fit into My Christmas Dress?
12/15/2009
And the winner is ... Erin! So, Erin, check your email later today for details.Now onto business as usual.
Have you ever noticed the increase in diet and weight talk around the holidays? Everywhere you go, someone is talking about the "new" diet they will soon embark on... after the new year. Or someone else in the line next to Mrs. Diet Ready is talking about the ever-increasing size of her jeans during this holiday season. And then the cashier starts giving you a running tally of the caloric index in the Christmas cookie tin she just devoured and complains about the "pudginess of the holidays".
Like we needed to know.
I don't know what it is about the holidays that spurs on this kind of food/weight focus, but something triggers it. It used to bother me, this incessant talk of diet and weight.
Now it just amuses me.
It amuses me because so many people stay stuck on the "Holiday Weight, Diet, Food, etc" topic that they forget to think about the actual holiday (which would be Christmas, in case you forgot). Somehow, somewhere the definition of Christmas changed. It's no longer about the birth of Christ; it's all about the appearances (and future appearances).
At least that's my perception.
And- just so you know- I'm not always immune to the "look good" holiday bug. Past Christmas's have wreaked havoc on my mind. Instead of focusing on Christ and all He came to do, I became obsessed with looking "perfect" for the family I haven't seen all year. Or instead of being thankful for the food on our table, I fretted over the self-imposed "off-limits" food. Or instead of enjoying the clothes I received Christmas morning, I complained about the way I looked when I actually put them on.
To sum it up, I steered off course.
And I wasn't alone, judging from my recent encounters.
I just want to encourage you to put away the appearances this season. Christmas is not about looking better than your friends. It's not about planning for the new and improved diet for the new year. It's not even about the way you look in your new Christmas dress.
It's about Christ. It's about His birth, His sacrifice, and His love for you and me. It's all about Him and less about you and me.
Let's remember that as we look into the mirror this holiday season.
"Beating Ana" Book Giveaway!
12/14/2009
Happy Monday all!
Today is a very exciting day for me. I have had the amazing opportunity to work alongside Shannon Cutts, founder of MentorCONNECT (an online community that supports eating disorder recovery by connecting mentors with mentees), and I wanted to share her new book with you.
Y'all... this book is such a great tool for recovery. If you have struggled with an eating disorder (or known someone close to you who has), you know how hard it can be to find support.
Healthy support, that is.
So many eating disorder books on the shelves today glorify their struggles. So many eating disorder books trigger readers further into behaviors. So many eating disorder books feed the addiction and leave us in a bigger mess.
Not this one.
The thing I absolutely LOVE about Beating Ana: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder & Take Your Life Back is it is none of the above. Shannon doesn't talk about specifics. Shannon doesn't glorify or give the eating disorder any credit. Shannon gives you the tools to find recovery and walk in freedom.
Not only that, but Beating Ana takes on a new approach that no eating disorder book has taken; she emphasizes the importance of mentoring relationships to the recovery process. She stresses that we cannot do this on our own. Eating disorders are lonely little devils, and the best way to fight for freedom is to join forces with someone who has already "been there, done that, and taken their life back".
Complete with "Recovery Workshop" assignments at the end of each chapter, Shannon allows you to work through the process for yourself as she guides you toward the direction of freedom. Basically, she is the best teacher you could have in this thing called "E.D. school" .
Today I will be giving away a signed copy of Shannon Cutt's book Beating Ana: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder & Take Your Life Back. This book is perfect for anyone in the recovery process, so if you know anyone with an eating disorder or personally struggle yourself, leave a comment (make sure to fill out your email so I can contact you if you win... it won't show publicly!) and I'll enter you in the giveaway drawing. It ends tonight at midnight, so don't waste time- enter today!
On that note, I'd like to introduce you to Shannon. She is an inspiration to anyone wanting to recover from an eating disorder, and I just know that you'll love her as much as I do.
Shannon, your book is such an inspirational tool for people who struggle with eating disorders. I know you touch on it a little in Beating Ana: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder & Take Your Life Back, but what tools did you turn to when you were trying to recover? Were there specific books, people, or programs that helped you along the way in recovery?
Unfortunately, when I was first struggling to recover from my eating disorder in the late 1980’s, no one was talking about eating disorders or sharing their stories. I wasn’t diagnosed until 13 years after I had first begun to restrict and later binge and purge, so I didn’t even know what resources to look for to try to learn about how to recover. The only real “tool” I had was my first mentor, Annie, whom I write about in Beating Ana. She won my trust and convinced me to open up to her and talk about my fears of eating and “getting fat”, and she reassured me that together, we could figure out how to outsmart my fears and regain control of my life and dreams. She helped me identify good books to read about other people’s inspiration stories of triumph over hardship. She taught me about journaling and meditation to calm myself down and create an atmosphere of mindfulness when it came to the eating disorder voice’s influence over my life. And she would cook for me and sit with me while I ate to help reduce my fear. We have such a wealth of resources today and I always encourage those who write to me for help to take full advantage of all the knowledge and assistance that is available. And for those who think that having only one person in their life who understands will never be enough, I say that to me, when I was recovering, finding just one person who was willing to walk with me was unimaginable wealth. We cannot recover alone, which is why on MentorCONNECT we always say “relationships replace eating disorders”. But even one person standing with you against the eating disorder really is enough – I am living proof of that.
My favorite quote from Beating Ana is “RECOVERY IS NOT OPTIONAL”. Can you tell us how you came to that point in your own recovery?
I realized that recovery is not optional right about the same time I realized that I had something I needed to recover from. Interestingly, this was a few years before I was formally diagnosed with an eating disorder, but my eating disorder had already cost me the loss of my music career, my college scholarship, and the closeness I had formerly had with family and friends. I woke up to the fact that whether I knew what was killing me or not, whether I had any idea how to fight it or not (let alone win), I was not a coward and not a quitter, and I simply was not going to let it take me down without a fight. I adopted what I now like to call the “Braveheart Approach” – simply fling myself into battle, give it absolutely everything I had, try everything I could think of, and if I still lost the war, at least I could look myself in the eye as I was going down and call myself a hero in my own life. And who knows – maybe I might even WIN!
What was the hardest thing about the recovery process for you?
Accepting that the work I would have to do to recover from my eating disorder was very hard – maybe the most difficult work I had ever done, or would ever do in my whole life. I often receive letters from sufferers who tell me that they’ve relapsed over and over again and they have convinced themselves that they aren’t the “kind of people” who can recover. I always wonder where they got the idea that this work was easy, or that if it was hard it was because they are doing it wrong. For years I have told my mentees and those who write to me that if recovery feels like walking across the Grand Canyon on a tightrope without a safety net, then that is how they know they are doing it right. Recovery work is hard, hard, work. But it is worth it, because if you can persevere and achieve recovery then you don’t have to be afraid of your limitations anymore. If you can recover, you can do ANYTHING you put your mind and heart and spirit to.
There has been a lot of talk recently about “sustained recovery”. Are there any key factors you can think of that have helped you maintain your recovery?
Relationships – real, supportive, quality, intimate human relationships – are essential for maintaining recovery. Also, I have carefully cultivated a realistic attitude towards the ups and downs of daily life that has allowed me to give myself the same break I would give someone else I cared about if I found I was struggling more on one day than in others past. We never know what life will hand us, and it is important as we get stronger in our recovery to be able to do two things: 1) Recognize that “relapse” is just a new lesson in disguise, and 2) Distinguish between a relapse and a normal human response to the unexpected losses and changes life brings (for instance, am I not eating as much today because I am sad or because I am having eating disordered thoughts). I also highly recommend service. Giving back is essential to maintaining strong recovery process. When we volunteer our time to help others who are struggling, we remember why it is so important to stay strong in recovery ourselves, and we also have that compassion for ourselves and others that struggling evokes.
If someone with an eating disorder were to come up to you today and ask you, “What made the difference in your life? What brought you to where you are today?”, what would you tell them?
I would say my mentor, Annie, and other mentors I have had over the years. Recovery, and the desire to recover and to live life, always boils down to how much love we invite into our lives, and how much love we give back to others. I have had so many people over the years who for one reason or another refused to give up on me even when I wanted to give up on myself. Seeing their steadfastness made me realize that maybe they knew something about me that I didn’t, and I wanted to find out what that was. It also humanized my struggles because they taught me that we all have struggles in life, and that my struggles with an eating disorder weren’t harder or easier than other people’s struggles with divorce, cancer, grief, or other issues that life brings. We are all in this together – this is the human condition – and we can only get through it (and remember why it is worth it to endure) when we do it together.
Beating Ana has such a unique structure. The “Recovery Workshops” included in each chapter serve as great tools for addressing behaviors and beliefs, and the movies you highlight in each chapter are terrific thought-provokers. Why did you choose to format the book this way?
Over the years I have received hundreds upon hundreds of letters from individuals all over the world asking for help to recover. In Beating Ana I wanted to highlight recurring themes that seemed common to many sufferers as they progressed along the recovery path. I also knew that for my mentees, it was often hard for them to sit still for long periods of time and read or concentrate. I also knew that they found great satisfaction in being given the structure of completing assignments as a way to find their own answers to their questions. So I simply applied the same format I use in my own mentoring work to the wider readership of Beating Ana. That was the reason I chose to write the book in the first place – I was receiving an increasingly large volume of correspondence and I was running out of time to be able to mentor everyone who wrote to me seeking help. So I thought if I assembled some of the most frequently asked questions into a book format, with exercises and affirmations included, that more people could develop mentoring relationships with themselves and within their significant relationships, and they could receive help that way. As far as the movies go, well, over the years movie characters have actually been some of my greatest mentors! When I first started re-entering my life and interacting with people, I didn’t have that many social skills or a lot of confidence. So when I would be faced with a situation I didn’t know how to handle, I would find myself thinking about a movie I liked and imagining what the character I identified with in that movie might do to handle the situation and then I would try that. If it worked, I could add it to my coping skill toolbox. Those movie characters were like my best friends when I was first trying to relearn how to be with people socially again.
It’s obvious from your book that you are passionate about leading people to freedom. How did your organization Key To Life get started? What inspired you to start MentorConnect?
Key to Life: unlocking the door to hope is actually an organization that covers my involvement in music as well as speaking, writing, and advocacy work. The name refers to my experience that choosing to recover comes down to choosing what matters most to us in life. For me, that was my music. I didn’t realize how important music was to me until I lost the ability to pursue my dreams due to my eating disorder. So that became my battle cry, my reason to fight back against the eating disorder – I wanted my music back. For years I have done my best to guide my mentees towards unlocking their own door to hope by setting their priorities and then ordering their choices to reflect those priorities. When we know what matters most to us it is easier to make good choices, and to say yes to things that preserve what we love and no to things that tear what we love down.
MentorCONNECT formally launched in February 2009, and we have grown so incredibly fast that it makes my head spin every time I think about it. As I mentioned earlier, I decided to write Beating Ana in the hopes of offering the power of mentoring to more people since I could no longer help everyone who wrote to me looking for support. But somewhere in the middle of the writing process I realized that it really wasn’t fair to write a book about mentoring without providing readers with a way to locate a mentor and have that experience themselves. Along with the letters asking for help I had also received a number of emails from individuals in strong recovery who wanted to give back. One day I thought, “wouldn’t it be great to be able to match up the people who want to help with the people who need help!” I looked around online to try to find a place where they could do that, and couldn’t find anything. So I assembled a team and we brainstormed what the community could look like. Today, that community is MentorCONNECT.
Now that you have a book published, an online pro-recovery community launched and growing, and numerous speaking engagements on the schedule, what are your plans?
Well, I would have to say a lot of my plans revolve around MentorCONNECT, because the community is growing and needs a lot of my time and attention. I am also in the very early stages of researching a second book, but it may be some time before my schedule permits me to focus on that. I also have plans to record a new album, but again it maybe awhile before I can fit that into my schedule. We have a lot of exciting possibilities as MentorCONNECT grows and I am committed to being there for the community and offering it my time and talents so that it can serve more people who need to know that recovery is possible.
Thank you so much for your time today Shannon! Any parting words for our readers?
Remember that you are irreplaceable, unrepeatable, and unique. You are the only you who ever was, is, or ever will be, and there is a reason that you are here. So keep fighting – never ever give up – and know that you are equal to any challenge that life hands you. You DO have what you need to tackle your challenges head on – and triumph over them! And if you need support, please visit www.key-to-life.com/mentorconnect and consider joining MentorCONNECT.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now doesn't that make you want to read the book???
Today is a very exciting day for me. I have had the amazing opportunity to work alongside Shannon Cutts, founder of MentorCONNECT (an online community that supports eating disorder recovery by connecting mentors with mentees), and I wanted to share her new book with you.
Y'all... this book is such a great tool for recovery. If you have struggled with an eating disorder (or known someone close to you who has), you know how hard it can be to find support.
Healthy support, that is.
So many eating disorder books on the shelves today glorify their struggles. So many eating disorder books trigger readers further into behaviors. So many eating disorder books feed the addiction and leave us in a bigger mess.
Not this one.
The thing I absolutely LOVE about Beating Ana: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder & Take Your Life Back is it is none of the above. Shannon doesn't talk about specifics. Shannon doesn't glorify or give the eating disorder any credit. Shannon gives you the tools to find recovery and walk in freedom.
Not only that, but Beating Ana takes on a new approach that no eating disorder book has taken; she emphasizes the importance of mentoring relationships to the recovery process. She stresses that we cannot do this on our own. Eating disorders are lonely little devils, and the best way to fight for freedom is to join forces with someone who has already "been there, done that, and taken their life back".
Complete with "Recovery Workshop" assignments at the end of each chapter, Shannon allows you to work through the process for yourself as she guides you toward the direction of freedom. Basically, she is the best teacher you could have in this thing called "E.D. school" .
Today I will be giving away a signed copy of Shannon Cutt's book Beating Ana: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder & Take Your Life Back. This book is perfect for anyone in the recovery process, so if you know anyone with an eating disorder or personally struggle yourself, leave a comment (make sure to fill out your email so I can contact you if you win... it won't show publicly!) and I'll enter you in the giveaway drawing. It ends tonight at midnight, so don't waste time- enter today!
On that note, I'd like to introduce you to Shannon. She is an inspiration to anyone wanting to recover from an eating disorder, and I just know that you'll love her as much as I do.
Shannon, your book is such an inspirational tool for people who struggle with eating disorders. I know you touch on it a little in Beating Ana: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder & Take Your Life Back, but what tools did you turn to when you were trying to recover? Were there specific books, people, or programs that helped you along the way in recovery?
Unfortunately, when I was first struggling to recover from my eating disorder in the late 1980’s, no one was talking about eating disorders or sharing their stories. I wasn’t diagnosed until 13 years after I had first begun to restrict and later binge and purge, so I didn’t even know what resources to look for to try to learn about how to recover. The only real “tool” I had was my first mentor, Annie, whom I write about in Beating Ana. She won my trust and convinced me to open up to her and talk about my fears of eating and “getting fat”, and she reassured me that together, we could figure out how to outsmart my fears and regain control of my life and dreams. She helped me identify good books to read about other people’s inspiration stories of triumph over hardship. She taught me about journaling and meditation to calm myself down and create an atmosphere of mindfulness when it came to the eating disorder voice’s influence over my life. And she would cook for me and sit with me while I ate to help reduce my fear. We have such a wealth of resources today and I always encourage those who write to me for help to take full advantage of all the knowledge and assistance that is available. And for those who think that having only one person in their life who understands will never be enough, I say that to me, when I was recovering, finding just one person who was willing to walk with me was unimaginable wealth. We cannot recover alone, which is why on MentorCONNECT we always say “relationships replace eating disorders”. But even one person standing with you against the eating disorder really is enough – I am living proof of that.
My favorite quote from Beating Ana is “RECOVERY IS NOT OPTIONAL”. Can you tell us how you came to that point in your own recovery?
I realized that recovery is not optional right about the same time I realized that I had something I needed to recover from. Interestingly, this was a few years before I was formally diagnosed with an eating disorder, but my eating disorder had already cost me the loss of my music career, my college scholarship, and the closeness I had formerly had with family and friends. I woke up to the fact that whether I knew what was killing me or not, whether I had any idea how to fight it or not (let alone win), I was not a coward and not a quitter, and I simply was not going to let it take me down without a fight. I adopted what I now like to call the “Braveheart Approach” – simply fling myself into battle, give it absolutely everything I had, try everything I could think of, and if I still lost the war, at least I could look myself in the eye as I was going down and call myself a hero in my own life. And who knows – maybe I might even WIN!
What was the hardest thing about the recovery process for you?
Accepting that the work I would have to do to recover from my eating disorder was very hard – maybe the most difficult work I had ever done, or would ever do in my whole life. I often receive letters from sufferers who tell me that they’ve relapsed over and over again and they have convinced themselves that they aren’t the “kind of people” who can recover. I always wonder where they got the idea that this work was easy, or that if it was hard it was because they are doing it wrong. For years I have told my mentees and those who write to me that if recovery feels like walking across the Grand Canyon on a tightrope without a safety net, then that is how they know they are doing it right. Recovery work is hard, hard, work. But it is worth it, because if you can persevere and achieve recovery then you don’t have to be afraid of your limitations anymore. If you can recover, you can do ANYTHING you put your mind and heart and spirit to.
There has been a lot of talk recently about “sustained recovery”. Are there any key factors you can think of that have helped you maintain your recovery?
Relationships – real, supportive, quality, intimate human relationships – are essential for maintaining recovery. Also, I have carefully cultivated a realistic attitude towards the ups and downs of daily life that has allowed me to give myself the same break I would give someone else I cared about if I found I was struggling more on one day than in others past. We never know what life will hand us, and it is important as we get stronger in our recovery to be able to do two things: 1) Recognize that “relapse” is just a new lesson in disguise, and 2) Distinguish between a relapse and a normal human response to the unexpected losses and changes life brings (for instance, am I not eating as much today because I am sad or because I am having eating disordered thoughts). I also highly recommend service. Giving back is essential to maintaining strong recovery process. When we volunteer our time to help others who are struggling, we remember why it is so important to stay strong in recovery ourselves, and we also have that compassion for ourselves and others that struggling evokes.
If someone with an eating disorder were to come up to you today and ask you, “What made the difference in your life? What brought you to where you are today?”, what would you tell them?
I would say my mentor, Annie, and other mentors I have had over the years. Recovery, and the desire to recover and to live life, always boils down to how much love we invite into our lives, and how much love we give back to others. I have had so many people over the years who for one reason or another refused to give up on me even when I wanted to give up on myself. Seeing their steadfastness made me realize that maybe they knew something about me that I didn’t, and I wanted to find out what that was. It also humanized my struggles because they taught me that we all have struggles in life, and that my struggles with an eating disorder weren’t harder or easier than other people’s struggles with divorce, cancer, grief, or other issues that life brings. We are all in this together – this is the human condition – and we can only get through it (and remember why it is worth it to endure) when we do it together.
Beating Ana has such a unique structure. The “Recovery Workshops” included in each chapter serve as great tools for addressing behaviors and beliefs, and the movies you highlight in each chapter are terrific thought-provokers. Why did you choose to format the book this way?
Over the years I have received hundreds upon hundreds of letters from individuals all over the world asking for help to recover. In Beating Ana I wanted to highlight recurring themes that seemed common to many sufferers as they progressed along the recovery path. I also knew that for my mentees, it was often hard for them to sit still for long periods of time and read or concentrate. I also knew that they found great satisfaction in being given the structure of completing assignments as a way to find their own answers to their questions. So I simply applied the same format I use in my own mentoring work to the wider readership of Beating Ana. That was the reason I chose to write the book in the first place – I was receiving an increasingly large volume of correspondence and I was running out of time to be able to mentor everyone who wrote to me seeking help. So I thought if I assembled some of the most frequently asked questions into a book format, with exercises and affirmations included, that more people could develop mentoring relationships with themselves and within their significant relationships, and they could receive help that way. As far as the movies go, well, over the years movie characters have actually been some of my greatest mentors! When I first started re-entering my life and interacting with people, I didn’t have that many social skills or a lot of confidence. So when I would be faced with a situation I didn’t know how to handle, I would find myself thinking about a movie I liked and imagining what the character I identified with in that movie might do to handle the situation and then I would try that. If it worked, I could add it to my coping skill toolbox. Those movie characters were like my best friends when I was first trying to relearn how to be with people socially again.
It’s obvious from your book that you are passionate about leading people to freedom. How did your organization Key To Life get started? What inspired you to start MentorConnect?
Key to Life: unlocking the door to hope is actually an organization that covers my involvement in music as well as speaking, writing, and advocacy work. The name refers to my experience that choosing to recover comes down to choosing what matters most to us in life. For me, that was my music. I didn’t realize how important music was to me until I lost the ability to pursue my dreams due to my eating disorder. So that became my battle cry, my reason to fight back against the eating disorder – I wanted my music back. For years I have done my best to guide my mentees towards unlocking their own door to hope by setting their priorities and then ordering their choices to reflect those priorities. When we know what matters most to us it is easier to make good choices, and to say yes to things that preserve what we love and no to things that tear what we love down.
MentorCONNECT formally launched in February 2009, and we have grown so incredibly fast that it makes my head spin every time I think about it. As I mentioned earlier, I decided to write Beating Ana in the hopes of offering the power of mentoring to more people since I could no longer help everyone who wrote to me looking for support. But somewhere in the middle of the writing process I realized that it really wasn’t fair to write a book about mentoring without providing readers with a way to locate a mentor and have that experience themselves. Along with the letters asking for help I had also received a number of emails from individuals in strong recovery who wanted to give back. One day I thought, “wouldn’t it be great to be able to match up the people who want to help with the people who need help!” I looked around online to try to find a place where they could do that, and couldn’t find anything. So I assembled a team and we brainstormed what the community could look like. Today, that community is MentorCONNECT.
Now that you have a book published, an online pro-recovery community launched and growing, and numerous speaking engagements on the schedule, what are your plans?
Well, I would have to say a lot of my plans revolve around MentorCONNECT, because the community is growing and needs a lot of my time and attention. I am also in the very early stages of researching a second book, but it may be some time before my schedule permits me to focus on that. I also have plans to record a new album, but again it maybe awhile before I can fit that into my schedule. We have a lot of exciting possibilities as MentorCONNECT grows and I am committed to being there for the community and offering it my time and talents so that it can serve more people who need to know that recovery is possible.
Thank you so much for your time today Shannon! Any parting words for our readers?
Remember that you are irreplaceable, unrepeatable, and unique. You are the only you who ever was, is, or ever will be, and there is a reason that you are here. So keep fighting – never ever give up – and know that you are equal to any challenge that life hands you. You DO have what you need to tackle your challenges head on – and triumph over them! And if you need support, please visit www.key-to-life.com/mentorconnect and consider joining MentorCONNECT.
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Now doesn't that make you want to read the book???
The Culture of Beautiful
12/10/2009
The fashion industry is in an uproar these days. Between horrific photoshop sessions, model suicides, and unhappy consumers, the industry has been dealt their fair share of drama. You would think they would have gotten the message by now.
But no.
There are still images of too skinny photoshopped models released daily. There are still billboards on the highway that advocate sex, perfection, and unrealistic beauty. There are still magazines pushing the toxic image of "beautiful"into the minds of anyone who happens to be standing at the grocery store check-out line. There are still articles within those magazines encouraging unhealthy weight loss and unnecessary standards.
Ladies and gentlemen, something has got to change. We have two choices in our hands today: we can either complain about the industry and its dangers to girls and women, or we can take a stand and actually DO something about it. There are plenty of opportunities to stand up for truth in this photoshopped world, but I've found that not many people want to take the stand.
The truth is, they're comfortable. This is the culture they know. Yes, it's messed up. Yes, it can lead to quite a few disrupted lives. Yes, it feasts on falsehoods and horrible self-esteem.
But, as some people are apt to say, "it is what it is". Beautiful today means wearing a size negative and looking like a photoshopped model in a magazine. It means accepting the rising number of girls and women developing eating disorders. It means teaching elementary school girls that they will never be enough. It means advocating diets to middle school girls and shattering the self-esteem of high school freshman.
That is the culture of beautiful today. THAT is what you are accepting by softly complaining about it in your house, yet refusing to give voice (or even action) to your opinion out in public. I've stressed this before, and I will stress it again: things will never change unless people stand up and start making the ground shake.
The fashion magazines will never see a need for change if their issues continue to sell as they currently are. The designers will see no need for restructure if their clothes continue to fly off the racks. The advertisers will continue to photoshop already too-thin models until they realize that the public is no longer willing to buy it anymore.
We have the power in our hands; we just have to realize it and use it.
Let's redefine beauty. Let's give a future to the young girls of the world. Let's take a stand for truth. Let's fight for the lives of those girls and women dying from eating disorders. Let's change this culture of beautiful for the better.
There is an opportunity to take a stand today. Darryl Roberts, the director of the eye-opening film America the Beautiful, has written a letter to Ralph Lauren concerning their current advertisements that have gone "way too far". Read the letter here and sign up to participate in the boycott on the facebook page.
We have the opportunity to change what Beautiful means today. Let's get involved.
But no.
There are still images of too skinny photoshopped models released daily. There are still billboards on the highway that advocate sex, perfection, and unrealistic beauty. There are still magazines pushing the toxic image of "beautiful"into the minds of anyone who happens to be standing at the grocery store check-out line. There are still articles within those magazines encouraging unhealthy weight loss and unnecessary standards.
Ladies and gentlemen, something has got to change. We have two choices in our hands today: we can either complain about the industry and its dangers to girls and women, or we can take a stand and actually DO something about it. There are plenty of opportunities to stand up for truth in this photoshopped world, but I've found that not many people want to take the stand.
The truth is, they're comfortable. This is the culture they know. Yes, it's messed up. Yes, it can lead to quite a few disrupted lives. Yes, it feasts on falsehoods and horrible self-esteem.
But, as some people are apt to say, "it is what it is". Beautiful today means wearing a size negative and looking like a photoshopped model in a magazine. It means accepting the rising number of girls and women developing eating disorders. It means teaching elementary school girls that they will never be enough. It means advocating diets to middle school girls and shattering the self-esteem of high school freshman.
That is the culture of beautiful today. THAT is what you are accepting by softly complaining about it in your house, yet refusing to give voice (or even action) to your opinion out in public. I've stressed this before, and I will stress it again: things will never change unless people stand up and start making the ground shake.
The fashion magazines will never see a need for change if their issues continue to sell as they currently are. The designers will see no need for restructure if their clothes continue to fly off the racks. The advertisers will continue to photoshop already too-thin models until they realize that the public is no longer willing to buy it anymore.
We have the power in our hands; we just have to realize it and use it.
Let's redefine beauty. Let's give a future to the young girls of the world. Let's take a stand for truth. Let's fight for the lives of those girls and women dying from eating disorders. Let's change this culture of beautiful for the better.
There is an opportunity to take a stand today. Darryl Roberts, the director of the eye-opening film America the Beautiful, has written a letter to Ralph Lauren concerning their current advertisements that have gone "way too far". Read the letter here and sign up to participate in the boycott on the facebook page.
We have the opportunity to change what Beautiful means today. Let's get involved.
The Commercialization of Thankfulness
12/03/2009
If you know me at all, you have probably figured out that I am an "against the crowd" type of girl.
I hate hype.
For instance, I absolutely love the Harry Potter series because I think J.K. Rowling is a brilliant writer, but you will not see me in line to see the movie on opening day. Nor will you see me toting around my book, going on and on about how much I love Harry or Ron or Professor Dumbledore... there are already enough weirdos out there doing just that. In fact, I'm pretty sure there are millions of them.
So if you ever catch me with a Harry Potter book, it will be under the covers in the safety of my own four walls. The commercialization drives me crazy, and I refuse to be associated with it.
Which brings me to other points.
Thanksgiving and Christmas.
This is the time of year when people who normally aren't very nice make a roundabout turn. They smile at the dinner table. They write out their "I am thankful for..." lists for everyone to read. They carve the turkey and watch the annual feel-good Thanksgiving movie. They say thank you in exchange for the box after box of confection goodies.
And then they complain about the long lines the next day.
Here's a thought: how about we practice Thanksgiving everyday of the year instead of one day out of the 365? It might make the world a tad bit more holly jolly.
And not just during the holiday season.
A few days ago, I had the opportunity to see thankfulness firsthand. I was served by the most humble men and women I have ever met. I may have been the one dishing out the Thanksgiving dinner, but they were the ones making the impact. They were without homes. Some of them were without families. Most of them were without jobs, and all of them were without the commercialized Thanksgiving holiday.
Yet they were happy; they were thankful.
These men and women who had the right to sit on the sidewalk and bemoan society and life instead clung to the hope of the season: God. They saw His hand in their circumstances. They thanked Him for providing the meal and fellowship. They were grateful that a God that big would pay attention to them in all their mess.
They knew the truth of the season.
As Christians, we know the truth. We know "the reason for the season", but we don't always live by it. It's easy to get caught up in the "things" that come along with the cool breeze. It's easy to focus on buying Christmas cards instead of taking the time out of our busy schedules to stop and tell someone how much we appreciate them.
It's easier to buy into the commercialization, but it's not better. Christmas cards, winter treats, and "I'm thankful for.." phrases are all fine and dandy, but there is a greater reason for the season. Those things don't give us the hope. Those things don't point to the truth. Those things are just things that aid in our quest for something more.
As you get ready to lavish your gratitude and gifts on those in your life, remember that sometimes the most special gift is the one that comes out of your own life, not the Hallmark aisle at the grocery store.
I hate hype.
For instance, I absolutely love the Harry Potter series because I think J.K. Rowling is a brilliant writer, but you will not see me in line to see the movie on opening day. Nor will you see me toting around my book, going on and on about how much I love Harry or Ron or Professor Dumbledore... there are already enough weirdos out there doing just that. In fact, I'm pretty sure there are millions of them.
So if you ever catch me with a Harry Potter book, it will be under the covers in the safety of my own four walls. The commercialization drives me crazy, and I refuse to be associated with it.
Which brings me to other points.
Thanksgiving and Christmas.
This is the time of year when people who normally aren't very nice make a roundabout turn. They smile at the dinner table. They write out their "I am thankful for..." lists for everyone to read. They carve the turkey and watch the annual feel-good Thanksgiving movie. They say thank you in exchange for the box after box of confection goodies.
And then they complain about the long lines the next day.
Here's a thought: how about we practice Thanksgiving everyday of the year instead of one day out of the 365? It might make the world a tad bit more holly jolly.
And not just during the holiday season.
A few days ago, I had the opportunity to see thankfulness firsthand. I was served by the most humble men and women I have ever met. I may have been the one dishing out the Thanksgiving dinner, but they were the ones making the impact. They were without homes. Some of them were without families. Most of them were without jobs, and all of them were without the commercialized Thanksgiving holiday.
Yet they were happy; they were thankful.
These men and women who had the right to sit on the sidewalk and bemoan society and life instead clung to the hope of the season: God. They saw His hand in their circumstances. They thanked Him for providing the meal and fellowship. They were grateful that a God that big would pay attention to them in all their mess.
They knew the truth of the season.
As Christians, we know the truth. We know "the reason for the season", but we don't always live by it. It's easy to get caught up in the "things" that come along with the cool breeze. It's easy to focus on buying Christmas cards instead of taking the time out of our busy schedules to stop and tell someone how much we appreciate them.
It's easier to buy into the commercialization, but it's not better. Christmas cards, winter treats, and "I'm thankful for.." phrases are all fine and dandy, but there is a greater reason for the season. Those things don't give us the hope. Those things don't point to the truth. Those things are just things that aid in our quest for something more.
As you get ready to lavish your gratitude and gifts on those in your life, remember that sometimes the most special gift is the one that comes out of your own life, not the Hallmark aisle at the grocery store.
A Lesson from a Snowflake
11/30/2009
Sometimes I wish we all looked like one another.
I mean, think about how much trouble would be saved if all of us girls looked the same. We wouldn't have to compete for the guy. We wouldn't have to walk around with the fear of not looking "good enough". We wouldn't have to go on diets so we can look as good as her. We wouldn't have to worry about make-up, plastic surgery, weight, or the size of our jeans. We wouldn't be focused on appearances at all!
It sounds too good to be true.
Because it is.
We were created to look this way. I was created to look the way I look, and you were created to look the way you look. Get mad at God all you want, but it's a fact. Your face is a creation, my dear.
God is not a God of conformity. He doesn't fashion every leaf the same way. He doesn't color flowers the same shade. He doesn't mold you and I from the same mold.
He is a God of individuality.
Even the seemingly identical things of creation are not identical. For instance, identical twins may look exactly the same at first glance, but once you get to know them, you will find that there are distinct physical characteristics unique to each individual. Then look at snowflakes. From afar they all look the same: tiny, white, and wet. Up-close, however, you realize that each snowflake has an intricate design that is unique to that snowflake in particular.
You will never find that same design on another snowflake; they're unique.
And you and I are unique.
We were created with a purpose in mind. We were each created beautiful, just not all in the same way. The moment we try to conform to someone else's beauty is the moment we disrupt our own beauty. Like a snowflake, there will never be another you in all of creation.
So embrace it.
I mean, think about how much trouble would be saved if all of us girls looked the same. We wouldn't have to compete for the guy. We wouldn't have to walk around with the fear of not looking "good enough". We wouldn't have to go on diets so we can look as good as her. We wouldn't have to worry about make-up, plastic surgery, weight, or the size of our jeans. We wouldn't be focused on appearances at all!
It sounds too good to be true.
Because it is.
We were created to look this way. I was created to look the way I look, and you were created to look the way you look. Get mad at God all you want, but it's a fact. Your face is a creation, my dear.
God is not a God of conformity. He doesn't fashion every leaf the same way. He doesn't color flowers the same shade. He doesn't mold you and I from the same mold.
He is a God of individuality.
Even the seemingly identical things of creation are not identical. For instance, identical twins may look exactly the same at first glance, but once you get to know them, you will find that there are distinct physical characteristics unique to each individual. Then look at snowflakes. From afar they all look the same: tiny, white, and wet. Up-close, however, you realize that each snowflake has an intricate design that is unique to that snowflake in particular.
You will never find that same design on another snowflake; they're unique.
And you and I are unique.
We were created with a purpose in mind. We were each created beautiful, just not all in the same way. The moment we try to conform to someone else's beauty is the moment we disrupt our own beauty. Like a snowflake, there will never be another you in all of creation.
So embrace it.
Reminders
11/23/2009
Sometimes it's good to be reminded of who God is in our life. In the day-to-day trials and stresses, we often forget about the One who loves us unconditionally. We often forget about the truth. We often live by our feelings instead of by the facts. Below I am posting a couple of reminders of who God is in my life. I received this a couple years ago, and I always turn to it when life gets a little overwhelming. When you can't discern truth from the lies, remember these words the Father speaks over you every day:
I made her... she is different. She is unique. With LOVE I formed her in her mother's womb. With LOVE I fashioned her with great joy. I remember with great pleasure the day I created her.
(Psalm 139: 13-16)
I LOVE her smile. I LOVE her ways. I LOVE to hear her laugh. And the silly things she says and does. She brings Me great pleasure... this is how I made her.
(Psalm 139:17)
I made her pretty, but not beautiful, because I know her heart, and she would be vain. I wanted her to search out her heart and to learn that it would be Me in her that would make her beautiful... and it would be Me in her that would draw friends to her.
(1 Peter 3:3-5)
I made her in such a way that she would need Me. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be... only because I need her to lean and depend on Me. I know her heart, I know if I had not made her like this, she would go her own chosen way and forget Me... her creator.
(Psalm 62: 5-8)
I have given her many good and happy things.... because I love her.
(Psalm 34:11 and Romans 8:32)
Because I love her I have seen her broken, hurt... and the tears she has cried alone. I have cried them with her, and had a broken heart, too.
(Psalm 58:6)
Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone only because she would not hold My hand. So many lessons she has learned the hard way because she would not listen to my voice.
(Isaiah 66:2)
So many times I have sat back and sadly watched her go her merry way alone only to watch her return to My arms, sad and broken.
(Isaiah 66:2)
And now she is mine again...I made her and then bought her... because I LOVE her.
(Romans 5:8)
I have to reshape and remold her... to renew to what I had planned for her to be. It has not been easy for her or Me.
(Jeremiah 29:11)
I want her to be conformed to My image... this goal I have set for her... because I LOVE HER!
( 2 Corinthians 2:14)
I made her... she is different. She is unique. With LOVE I formed her in her mother's womb. With LOVE I fashioned her with great joy. I remember with great pleasure the day I created her.
(Psalm 139: 13-16)
I LOVE her smile. I LOVE her ways. I LOVE to hear her laugh. And the silly things she says and does. She brings Me great pleasure... this is how I made her.
(Psalm 139:17)
I made her pretty, but not beautiful, because I know her heart, and she would be vain. I wanted her to search out her heart and to learn that it would be Me in her that would make her beautiful... and it would be Me in her that would draw friends to her.
(1 Peter 3:3-5)
I made her in such a way that she would need Me. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be... only because I need her to lean and depend on Me. I know her heart, I know if I had not made her like this, she would go her own chosen way and forget Me... her creator.
(Psalm 62: 5-8)
I have given her many good and happy things.... because I love her.
(Psalm 34:11 and Romans 8:32)
Because I love her I have seen her broken, hurt... and the tears she has cried alone. I have cried them with her, and had a broken heart, too.
(Psalm 58:6)
Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone only because she would not hold My hand. So many lessons she has learned the hard way because she would not listen to my voice.
(Isaiah 66:2)
So many times I have sat back and sadly watched her go her merry way alone only to watch her return to My arms, sad and broken.
(Isaiah 66:2)
And now she is mine again...I made her and then bought her... because I LOVE her.
(Romans 5:8)
I have to reshape and remold her... to renew to what I had planned for her to be. It has not been easy for her or Me.
(Jeremiah 29:11)
I want her to be conformed to My image... this goal I have set for her... because I LOVE HER!
( 2 Corinthians 2:14)
Enough
11/19/2009
Sometimes life feels like a fundraiser.
Have you ever seen those thermometer-type posters that keep track of incoming funds? You know, the kind where the thermometer keeps rising every time money is donated?
Sometimes I feel like life is one of those big thermometer posters, keeping track of all the ways I have still yet to measure up. It's tiring. It's frustrating. And it often seems never-ending.
Do you ever feel like you aren't enough? You're not a good enough daughter. You're not a good enough wife. You're not a good enough sister, niece, granddaughter, friend, acquaintance or worker. You're not pretty enough, strong enough, loud enough, quiet enough, loving enough...
Basically, you just feel like you're not enough.
You're not alone. I bet if we were to take a poll today, we would find that most women in the world don't feel like they are good enough for something. We all feel inadequate. We all feel "not enough" at times and moments. We all experience those doubts of our capabilities. We all feel the sliding terror of never being able to measure up.
In her book Captivating, Stasi Eldredge writes, "Every women I've ever met feels it-something deeper than just failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy." The truth is, we all feel it. We all have lists of ways we feel we're never enough.
But we can't dwell there. Because when we dwell there, shame settles in.
Shame of who we are and who we are not. Shame of our lives as they are and shame of what they might have been. Shame over our pasts. Shame over our presents. Shame over our futures. Shame is the constant companion of never feeling enough, and the voice of the constant accuser that tells us we need to do better and, at the same time, that we will "never do better".
Here's truth: On your own, you are not enough. You can never meet the high standards. You can never conquer the expectations on your own. You will fall short, and you will fail.
But where you are never enough, HE IS. My friend, Jesus is enough. There are times I feel like I'm drowning in the ocean of "never enough", and then I am gently reminded of all that my Jesus is. Where we fail, He wins. Where we lack, He makes up. Where we fall short, He exceeds. He died so that at the end of our lives, we would be enough.
And you are enough.
Just don't pay any mind to that large thermometer-like poster in the middle of your life. It's missing a few crucial donations.
Have you ever seen those thermometer-type posters that keep track of incoming funds? You know, the kind where the thermometer keeps rising every time money is donated?
Sometimes I feel like life is one of those big thermometer posters, keeping track of all the ways I have still yet to measure up. It's tiring. It's frustrating. And it often seems never-ending.
Do you ever feel like you aren't enough? You're not a good enough daughter. You're not a good enough wife. You're not a good enough sister, niece, granddaughter, friend, acquaintance or worker. You're not pretty enough, strong enough, loud enough, quiet enough, loving enough...
Basically, you just feel like you're not enough.
You're not alone. I bet if we were to take a poll today, we would find that most women in the world don't feel like they are good enough for something. We all feel inadequate. We all feel "not enough" at times and moments. We all experience those doubts of our capabilities. We all feel the sliding terror of never being able to measure up.
In her book Captivating, Stasi Eldredge writes, "Every women I've ever met feels it-something deeper than just failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy." The truth is, we all feel it. We all have lists of ways we feel we're never enough.
But we can't dwell there. Because when we dwell there, shame settles in.
Shame of who we are and who we are not. Shame of our lives as they are and shame of what they might have been. Shame over our pasts. Shame over our presents. Shame over our futures. Shame is the constant companion of never feeling enough, and the voice of the constant accuser that tells us we need to do better and, at the same time, that we will "never do better".
Here's truth: On your own, you are not enough. You can never meet the high standards. You can never conquer the expectations on your own. You will fall short, and you will fail.
But where you are never enough, HE IS. My friend, Jesus is enough. There are times I feel like I'm drowning in the ocean of "never enough", and then I am gently reminded of all that my Jesus is. Where we fail, He wins. Where we lack, He makes up. Where we fall short, He exceeds. He died so that at the end of our lives, we would be enough.
And you are enough.
Just don't pay any mind to that large thermometer-like poster in the middle of your life. It's missing a few crucial donations.
Beauty vs. Function
11/16/2009
Sometimes I wonder if Sleeping Beauty was good for anything except being beautiful.
We know Cinderella had her life together. I mean, she didn't always start out as a gorgeous princess in fairy tale world; she started off as a maid. A soot-covered, used-and-abused maidservant.
And then there's Belle, who was always beautiful but useful too. She knew the town's library like the back of her hand. Plus, she could tame a beast. That's pretty useful.
Don't forget about Ariel. She was beautiful-yes-but remember what happened when Ursula took away her voice? Her beauty did not sustain her. She was pushed to the side when someone more beautiful came along.
Oh, but Sleeping Beauty. She was always beautiful. Even hiding away in the forest didn't deter her beauty. The fairies took care of her every need; all she had to do was wander around the trees, sing songs, and capture the attention of the wandering Prince (which couldn't have been all that hard).
What a life.
There were challenges, yes. But she never had to untangle herself from the thorns... someone else was always there to do the work for her. She slept as the battle waged on, never once smearing her lipstick or letting a hair fall out of place.
Must have been hard being Sleeping Beauty.
You know, there are plenty of Sleeping Beautys in today's world. There are girls who speak nothing but beauty. They can tell you all the greatest fashions. They can direct you to the best and most expensive make-up. They can even inform you of all the things you need to change in order to meet the "beautiful" qualifications.
What they can't tell you, however, is how to function in real-life.
Fairy tales are great, don't get me wrong. I've always wanted to be a beautiful princess in a castle. I've always wanted the Prince to come after me and rescue me from whatever evil lies outside my castle.
But I don't want to become so wrapped up in fantasy that I forget reality. And sometimes beauty makes us forget reality. Sometimes it draws us in until we don't know which way is up. Sometimes it overtakes us (and our mirrors). Sometimes it erases all the important writing and leaves only traces of scribbles.
All-consuming beauty is not practical. When looking your best becomes more important than being able to do your schoolwork, there is a problem. When the mirror keeps you from venturing outside your house to do the basic everyday tasks, there is a problem. When your so-called imperfections keep you hiding away in bed, there is a major problem.
Beauty, if you let it, can take away function. It can strip you of all the important things of life. It can convince you that it is the only thing that matters.
But it lies.
Beauty will never replace being able to wash the dishes, go to work, or get an education. It will never be more important than tying your shoes, driving your car, or interacting with the people you love.
It's not the most important thing in the world, so let's renounce it from its throne.
We know Cinderella had her life together. I mean, she didn't always start out as a gorgeous princess in fairy tale world; she started off as a maid. A soot-covered, used-and-abused maidservant.
And then there's Belle, who was always beautiful but useful too. She knew the town's library like the back of her hand. Plus, she could tame a beast. That's pretty useful.
Don't forget about Ariel. She was beautiful-yes-but remember what happened when Ursula took away her voice? Her beauty did not sustain her. She was pushed to the side when someone more beautiful came along.
Oh, but Sleeping Beauty. She was always beautiful. Even hiding away in the forest didn't deter her beauty. The fairies took care of her every need; all she had to do was wander around the trees, sing songs, and capture the attention of the wandering Prince (which couldn't have been all that hard).
What a life.
There were challenges, yes. But she never had to untangle herself from the thorns... someone else was always there to do the work for her. She slept as the battle waged on, never once smearing her lipstick or letting a hair fall out of place.
Must have been hard being Sleeping Beauty.
You know, there are plenty of Sleeping Beautys in today's world. There are girls who speak nothing but beauty. They can tell you all the greatest fashions. They can direct you to the best and most expensive make-up. They can even inform you of all the things you need to change in order to meet the "beautiful" qualifications.
What they can't tell you, however, is how to function in real-life.
Fairy tales are great, don't get me wrong. I've always wanted to be a beautiful princess in a castle. I've always wanted the Prince to come after me and rescue me from whatever evil lies outside my castle.
But I don't want to become so wrapped up in fantasy that I forget reality. And sometimes beauty makes us forget reality. Sometimes it draws us in until we don't know which way is up. Sometimes it overtakes us (and our mirrors). Sometimes it erases all the important writing and leaves only traces of scribbles.
All-consuming beauty is not practical. When looking your best becomes more important than being able to do your schoolwork, there is a problem. When the mirror keeps you from venturing outside your house to do the basic everyday tasks, there is a problem. When your so-called imperfections keep you hiding away in bed, there is a major problem.
Beauty, if you let it, can take away function. It can strip you of all the important things of life. It can convince you that it is the only thing that matters.
But it lies.
Beauty will never replace being able to wash the dishes, go to work, or get an education. It will never be more important than tying your shoes, driving your car, or interacting with the people you love.
It's not the most important thing in the world, so let's renounce it from its throne.
A Lesson From Dory
11/13/2009
Life is hard sometimes, isn't it?
It's hard to put one foot in front of the other when it seems like the earth beneath you is collapsing. It's hard to move on when the thing you are leaving behind has such a strong hold over you. It's hard to believe in God's plans when yours are unraveling at the seams. It's hard to cling to hope when the one thing you hoped for passes by, leaving you disappointed and confused.
In those moments of thwarted plans and disappointed dreams, I think of Dory. Yes, the talking fish on Finding Nemo. Given the fact that 1) she is a fish, 2) she was a little spacey at times, and 3) she is a cartoon in a children's movie, you wouldn't think she would make an impact on a real, live adult.
Like I said, life is unpredictable.
Dory encourages me. This week as I sat looking at disappointed dreams, I recalled my favorite line in the movie:
"Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down, do you know what you've gotta do? ... Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim."
Sometimes we've got to just keep swimming. When life doesn't work out according to your plans, what do you do? Do you give up? Do you walk around in a foul mood and blow up at everyone around you? Do you walk around with a sleeve of bitterness? Or do you keep swimming, no matter how great the odds?
This week I was presented with the opportunity to "just keep swimming". I received the dread of every writer: the rejection letter. Okay, it was more like the rejection email. I looked at it in my inbox and, for a moment, let my dreams die. "I'm not good enough...No one will ever want to publish my book...I guess I'll just quit writing altogether."
I was not swimming. I was more like sinking.
Then (after several hours of pouting and sulking and "woe is me"-ing) I realized just how exciting of an opportunity this is. Yes, my book proposal was not accepted by the first publisher I ever sent it to. Yes, I have to start the process all over again. Yes, it stinks.
But I sent it. And the book, as this editor nicely encouraged me, "made it to the next level". It just wasn't what they were looking for. They were looking for "medical", and-well-I am no doctor.
But that's okay because they didn't say they didn't like my writing. They didn't even say they didn't like my book. It just wasn't the book they had in mind.
I should so be rejoicing.
So, after my midweek meltdown, I am up and swimming again. And you should do the same. Whatever may be disappointing you, just keep swimming. God is in control.
Sometimes you just have to keep going through the waves.
It's hard to put one foot in front of the other when it seems like the earth beneath you is collapsing. It's hard to move on when the thing you are leaving behind has such a strong hold over you. It's hard to believe in God's plans when yours are unraveling at the seams. It's hard to cling to hope when the one thing you hoped for passes by, leaving you disappointed and confused.
In those moments of thwarted plans and disappointed dreams, I think of Dory. Yes, the talking fish on Finding Nemo. Given the fact that 1) she is a fish, 2) she was a little spacey at times, and 3) she is a cartoon in a children's movie, you wouldn't think she would make an impact on a real, live adult.
Like I said, life is unpredictable.
Dory encourages me. This week as I sat looking at disappointed dreams, I recalled my favorite line in the movie:
"Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down, do you know what you've gotta do? ... Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim."
Sometimes we've got to just keep swimming. When life doesn't work out according to your plans, what do you do? Do you give up? Do you walk around in a foul mood and blow up at everyone around you? Do you walk around with a sleeve of bitterness? Or do you keep swimming, no matter how great the odds?
This week I was presented with the opportunity to "just keep swimming". I received the dread of every writer: the rejection letter. Okay, it was more like the rejection email. I looked at it in my inbox and, for a moment, let my dreams die. "I'm not good enough...No one will ever want to publish my book...I guess I'll just quit writing altogether."
I was not swimming. I was more like sinking.
Then (after several hours of pouting and sulking and "woe is me"-ing) I realized just how exciting of an opportunity this is. Yes, my book proposal was not accepted by the first publisher I ever sent it to. Yes, I have to start the process all over again. Yes, it stinks.
But I sent it. And the book, as this editor nicely encouraged me, "made it to the next level". It just wasn't what they were looking for. They were looking for "medical", and-well-I am no doctor.
But that's okay because they didn't say they didn't like my writing. They didn't even say they didn't like my book. It just wasn't the book they had in mind.
I should so be rejoicing.
So, after my midweek meltdown, I am up and swimming again. And you should do the same. Whatever may be disappointing you, just keep swimming. God is in control.
Sometimes you just have to keep going through the waves.
To Be Seen
11/11/2009
We were quite the unlikely pair, she and I.
She, dressed in black from head to toe, hid beneath the hair always covering her face. I, dressed in whatever would cover me the most, hid beneath the face of perfection. She lived in the world where "numb" was the only available emotion; I lived in the world that never ran out of tears.
We didn't meet in the most ideal of circumstances. In fact, we were both pretty much as far "rock bottom" as rock bottom can get.
I didn't plan on talking to anyone there. With my face toward the white expanse and my chair back against the room, I was pretty much unapproachable.
She found me, nevertheless.
As she sat down at the table and turned her chair toward mine, I was already planning an excuse to hightail it out of there. There were "weirdos" here, and I wanted nothing to do with any of them. As I formulated my escape plan, she started talking to me.
"What are you doing?"
I'm pretty sure I looked at her like she was an idiot at this point. I mean, how much more obvious could staring at the wall be? Did I need to put up a sign saying, "Staring at Wall. Do Not Disturb"? Don't worry though, I appeased her.
"Knitting a scarf, and-after lunch-I'll be sewing mittens to match."
It must have been my charm that encouraged her to keep on talking...because she did.
"Why are you here?"
"I have issues."
She sat there for a moment and then said, "Yeah, me too."
Wow. Shocker. All that time I had been thinking she was there on vacation.
She joined me at that table and never left. Every free moment, she sat there, sharing her story with me. As I listened to her life, I realized that she was not much different than me. Yes, the events were different. Deep down, however, she and I were cut from the same cloth. We both felt invisible in a big, scary world, and we both tried to gain the attention we craved any way we could.
"Sometimes I would give anything for someone to notice me."
She told me this after showing me her scars. Scars that spoke of deep pain she couldn't even name. Scars that cried out for attention. Scars that wanted to be seen and touched.
Scars that would never take the pain away.
I don't remember her name. I didn't keep the phone number that she stuffed in my hands before she left. I don't even remember the school she told me she went to.
All I remember is her story and its theme.
She comes to my mind often. I pray that she has found some source of healthy attention, but parts of me doubt it. Statistics show that the majority of teens who leave institutions of the world return worse than they came in. They have no hope. All they see is what they know, and what they know holds no hope.
So they end up back in the arms of institutions, hospitals, and-eventually-jails.
It's really all so sad.
Her struggle is not so foreign. We all want to be noticed. We all want to be seen. None of us want to be invisible, so we gain the attention any way we can. Some of us act out, holding the belief that any attention is better than no attention at all. Some of us chase perfection, believing that it will fill all of our needs. Some of us cling in desperation to every person we know, terrified of that moment they decide we are not worthy enough to be seen. Some of us create hopeless situations that warrant the need of a savior.
And we wait and wait and wait for that savior to come...only he never does. The human hero will never be able to save you, no matter how fancy his hero cape.
There is hope, though. There is someone who sees you in the midst of your pain, and He's waiting for you to stop chasing human heros and look to Him. He has His own scarred hands. Scars that speak of your pain. Scars that speak of your own hopelessness. Scars that speak of the victory He has won for you.
He bore your scars so you would have no need for your own.
The truth is, we all struggle with wanting to be seen. We all fear becoming invisible. Some of us just go farther for attention than others. Some of us go all the way to rock bottom, and those of us who have been there can testify that even rock bottom will not make a difference.
God sees you, no matter where you are.
Think of Hagar, the unseen woman who said of God, "You are the God who sees me" (Genesis 16:13). Think of David, who again and again thanked God for seeing him and rescuing him from the pit. Think of Paul, who lived with absolute assurance that God saw him and knew him. Think of Jesus, confident and secure in the knowledge that He was loved and seen by the Most High God.
My friend, you don't have to battle for attention here on this earth. You don't have to chase one image after another. All you have to do is rest in Him, for He sees you even from the darkest place.
I don't know where she is today, but God knows. He sees her, and He feels her pain. Where I, as a human, could not heal her, He can. He can go in and heal her wounds from the inside out.
And He will.
Today as I end this post, I want to ask you for a favor. This topic has weighed heavy on my mind for some time now, and God has been showing me solid truths for those of us who never feel seen. As I work on a book proposal for To Be Beautiful (which, by the way, will cover this topic extensively), I want to hear from you, girls and women who deal with this desire day-in and day-out. All you need to do is answer this question as honestly as you can (anonymously, of course):
Of all the challenges of being a woman, what is the biggest one you face?
My unlikely friend's answer was "being noticed". She would have given anything to be seen, and her life reflected that. Your life reflects your greatest desire, whether you realize it or not. I am looking to hear from 100 women (I know, big goal!), so-if you would-answer this question as briefly or as extensively as you want and then pass it on. All you have to do is click "Comment" and type your answer in anonymously.
It's that simple.
And remember that you are noticed today, even when you feel the most invisible.
She, dressed in black from head to toe, hid beneath the hair always covering her face. I, dressed in whatever would cover me the most, hid beneath the face of perfection. She lived in the world where "numb" was the only available emotion; I lived in the world that never ran out of tears.
We didn't meet in the most ideal of circumstances. In fact, we were both pretty much as far "rock bottom" as rock bottom can get.
I didn't plan on talking to anyone there. With my face toward the white expanse and my chair back against the room, I was pretty much unapproachable.
She found me, nevertheless.
As she sat down at the table and turned her chair toward mine, I was already planning an excuse to hightail it out of there. There were "weirdos" here, and I wanted nothing to do with any of them. As I formulated my escape plan, she started talking to me.
"What are you doing?"
I'm pretty sure I looked at her like she was an idiot at this point. I mean, how much more obvious could staring at the wall be? Did I need to put up a sign saying, "Staring at Wall. Do Not Disturb"? Don't worry though, I appeased her.
"Knitting a scarf, and-after lunch-I'll be sewing mittens to match."
It must have been my charm that encouraged her to keep on talking...because she did.
"Why are you here?"
"I have issues."
She sat there for a moment and then said, "Yeah, me too."
Wow. Shocker. All that time I had been thinking she was there on vacation.
She joined me at that table and never left. Every free moment, she sat there, sharing her story with me. As I listened to her life, I realized that she was not much different than me. Yes, the events were different. Deep down, however, she and I were cut from the same cloth. We both felt invisible in a big, scary world, and we both tried to gain the attention we craved any way we could.
"Sometimes I would give anything for someone to notice me."
She told me this after showing me her scars. Scars that spoke of deep pain she couldn't even name. Scars that cried out for attention. Scars that wanted to be seen and touched.
Scars that would never take the pain away.
I don't remember her name. I didn't keep the phone number that she stuffed in my hands before she left. I don't even remember the school she told me she went to.
All I remember is her story and its theme.
She comes to my mind often. I pray that she has found some source of healthy attention, but parts of me doubt it. Statistics show that the majority of teens who leave institutions of the world return worse than they came in. They have no hope. All they see is what they know, and what they know holds no hope.
So they end up back in the arms of institutions, hospitals, and-eventually-jails.
It's really all so sad.
Her struggle is not so foreign. We all want to be noticed. We all want to be seen. None of us want to be invisible, so we gain the attention any way we can. Some of us act out, holding the belief that any attention is better than no attention at all. Some of us chase perfection, believing that it will fill all of our needs. Some of us cling in desperation to every person we know, terrified of that moment they decide we are not worthy enough to be seen. Some of us create hopeless situations that warrant the need of a savior.
And we wait and wait and wait for that savior to come...only he never does. The human hero will never be able to save you, no matter how fancy his hero cape.
There is hope, though. There is someone who sees you in the midst of your pain, and He's waiting for you to stop chasing human heros and look to Him. He has His own scarred hands. Scars that speak of your pain. Scars that speak of your own hopelessness. Scars that speak of the victory He has won for you.
He bore your scars so you would have no need for your own.
The truth is, we all struggle with wanting to be seen. We all fear becoming invisible. Some of us just go farther for attention than others. Some of us go all the way to rock bottom, and those of us who have been there can testify that even rock bottom will not make a difference.
God sees you, no matter where you are.
Think of Hagar, the unseen woman who said of God, "You are the God who sees me" (Genesis 16:13). Think of David, who again and again thanked God for seeing him and rescuing him from the pit. Think of Paul, who lived with absolute assurance that God saw him and knew him. Think of Jesus, confident and secure in the knowledge that He was loved and seen by the Most High God.
My friend, you don't have to battle for attention here on this earth. You don't have to chase one image after another. All you have to do is rest in Him, for He sees you even from the darkest place.
I don't know where she is today, but God knows. He sees her, and He feels her pain. Where I, as a human, could not heal her, He can. He can go in and heal her wounds from the inside out.
And He will.
Today as I end this post, I want to ask you for a favor. This topic has weighed heavy on my mind for some time now, and God has been showing me solid truths for those of us who never feel seen. As I work on a book proposal for To Be Beautiful (which, by the way, will cover this topic extensively), I want to hear from you, girls and women who deal with this desire day-in and day-out. All you need to do is answer this question as honestly as you can (anonymously, of course):
Of all the challenges of being a woman, what is the biggest one you face?
My unlikely friend's answer was "being noticed". She would have given anything to be seen, and her life reflected that. Your life reflects your greatest desire, whether you realize it or not. I am looking to hear from 100 women (I know, big goal!), so-if you would-answer this question as briefly or as extensively as you want and then pass it on. All you have to do is click "Comment" and type your answer in anonymously.
It's that simple.
And remember that you are noticed today, even when you feel the most invisible.
Something to Ponder...
11/10/2009
This video really got me thinking about beauty and its definition. Take a look:
When did beauty start to become an "issue" in your life? To really get to the core of the beauty problem, we have to go back and look at it from the eyes of a little girl. It's only then that we can move on and gather truth.
When did beauty start to become an "issue" in your life? To really get to the core of the beauty problem, we have to go back and look at it from the eyes of a little girl. It's only then that we can move on and gather truth.
Why I Can't Stand 'Normal' People
11/09/2009
I am perfectly okay with reading a magazine. I am also perfectly okay with driving past billboard after billboard of photoshopped creations. What I am not okay with, however, is dealing with all the normal girls in my life.
Let me explain.
When I glance at a magazine, I expect to see perfection. I know I shouldn't, but I do; it's their reputation. So I am somewhat prepared to be smothered with images of perfection that I will never be able to attain. I count on seeing models the size of my right leg. I even anticipate looking at zit-free reflections and sighing with the hope that one day my face will be just a smooth and blemish-free as their faces appear.
Warped, I know. But so true.
Then I put down those polished magazines and look at the world around me. I see normal. I see average, everyday girls...and I feel helplessly inadequate. I compare more with the girl sitting next to me in class than I do with the woman staring at me from the magazine of perfection. I compare more with that mom (who still looks beautiful after having however many kids) than I do with the gazelle plastered on the billboard.
It's not the picture perfect images that make me feel the most insecure; it's the everyday girls and women around me.
We can give the media a lot of criticism for showcasing "unrealistic" images. We can talk about how the size of models is just plain "unacceptable". We can even boycott those images and shun those super thin people.
But we can't run away from real life.
We are always going to deal with comparison. It's not the media that is the problem...it's us. If the media and everything in its control were to disappear today, we would still feel inadequate.
Why?
Because there would still be beautiful girls and women around us. We would still compare. We would still despair. We would still be unhappy with our appearances in light of someone else's beauty.
The other day I was complaining to my mom about some "giant" flaw in my appearance. (Yes, I too have my own insecurities.) As I stood there in self-pity, about to be consumed by the world of ugly, she said something that caught my attention:
"If you had no one else to compare yourself to, would it matter?"
Okay, I'll admit, at the time I said "yes". Give me a break; I was stuck in mirror-mode. I started thinking about it, though. I started wondering how much time, energy and thought I would give my appearance if there was no other woman on this earth. Want to know what I realized?
My appearance really wouldn't matter.
I wouldn't be concerned with the permanent shopping bag like features under my eyes. I wouldn't care what the size of my jeans said. I wouldn't be caught up in the image in the mirror. I wouldn't be focused at all on the way I look because it just wouldn't matter.
It would, after all, just be me. And God, that is.
I wonder, what if I lived like that? What if I lived as though there was no one else to compare with? Would beauty have less of a hold on my life? Would the mirror be just another object to pass by? Would clothes be just that...clothes?
It's worth giving it a shot.
I can't help but think of Peter asking Jesus the same kind of questions I ask God everyday. Peter asked Jesus over and over again, "Lord, what about him?" I imagine Peter was every bit as insecure as I am. I imagine he looked at the other disciples and wondered where he fit in. I imagine he felt helplessly inadequate.
Jesus did not feed Peter's comparison. His response was meant to cut off all comparison for good. He continued to ask Peter, "what is that to you? You must follow me."
Who are you comparing yourself to today? Are you following the Lord with your life, or are you chasing after the next definition of beautiful, trying to measure up to one girl after another? It's hard to ignore her, I know. It's hard to ignore the attention she seems to get because of her beauty. It's hard not to compare to all of her outstanding abilities.
But how would you live if she wasn't here?
It's a question worth pondering.
Let me explain.
When I glance at a magazine, I expect to see perfection. I know I shouldn't, but I do; it's their reputation. So I am somewhat prepared to be smothered with images of perfection that I will never be able to attain. I count on seeing models the size of my right leg. I even anticipate looking at zit-free reflections and sighing with the hope that one day my face will be just a smooth and blemish-free as their faces appear.
Warped, I know. But so true.
Then I put down those polished magazines and look at the world around me. I see normal. I see average, everyday girls...and I feel helplessly inadequate. I compare more with the girl sitting next to me in class than I do with the woman staring at me from the magazine of perfection. I compare more with that mom (who still looks beautiful after having however many kids) than I do with the gazelle plastered on the billboard.
It's not the picture perfect images that make me feel the most insecure; it's the everyday girls and women around me.
We can give the media a lot of criticism for showcasing "unrealistic" images. We can talk about how the size of models is just plain "unacceptable". We can even boycott those images and shun those super thin people.
But we can't run away from real life.
We are always going to deal with comparison. It's not the media that is the problem...it's us. If the media and everything in its control were to disappear today, we would still feel inadequate.
Why?
Because there would still be beautiful girls and women around us. We would still compare. We would still despair. We would still be unhappy with our appearances in light of someone else's beauty.
The other day I was complaining to my mom about some "giant" flaw in my appearance. (Yes, I too have my own insecurities.) As I stood there in self-pity, about to be consumed by the world of ugly, she said something that caught my attention:
"If you had no one else to compare yourself to, would it matter?"
Okay, I'll admit, at the time I said "yes". Give me a break; I was stuck in mirror-mode. I started thinking about it, though. I started wondering how much time, energy and thought I would give my appearance if there was no other woman on this earth. Want to know what I realized?
My appearance really wouldn't matter.
I wouldn't be concerned with the permanent shopping bag like features under my eyes. I wouldn't care what the size of my jeans said. I wouldn't be caught up in the image in the mirror. I wouldn't be focused at all on the way I look because it just wouldn't matter.
It would, after all, just be me. And God, that is.
I wonder, what if I lived like that? What if I lived as though there was no one else to compare with? Would beauty have less of a hold on my life? Would the mirror be just another object to pass by? Would clothes be just that...clothes?
It's worth giving it a shot.
I can't help but think of Peter asking Jesus the same kind of questions I ask God everyday. Peter asked Jesus over and over again, "Lord, what about him?" I imagine Peter was every bit as insecure as I am. I imagine he looked at the other disciples and wondered where he fit in. I imagine he felt helplessly inadequate.
Jesus did not feed Peter's comparison. His response was meant to cut off all comparison for good. He continued to ask Peter, "what is that to you? You must follow me."
Who are you comparing yourself to today? Are you following the Lord with your life, or are you chasing after the next definition of beautiful, trying to measure up to one girl after another? It's hard to ignore her, I know. It's hard to ignore the attention she seems to get because of her beauty. It's hard not to compare to all of her outstanding abilities.
But how would you live if she wasn't here?
It's a question worth pondering.
Day Eighty: Free to Be You
11/05/2009
"Free to Be Me".
That's what my shirt says this morning. That's what my Bible says this morning.
That is not how I feel this morning.
I know the facts. Jesus loves me the way I am. God created me just the way He wanted me. The people who truly love me will love me no matter what.
But sometimes that's just not enough. Sometimes I want everyone to like me. Sometimes (just sometimes) I want everyone to embrace this "me" God made.
Ok, I lied... I want it all the time.
It's hard to be yourself in a world full of so many "somebody-elses", isn't it? It's hard to believe you matter when the other girl is the one walking across the stage accepting that award. It's hard to believe you're beautiful when you still sit on the sidelines and watch all your friends go from boyfriend to boyfriend to boyfriend. It's hard to believe you're worth anything when it seems like everyone glosses over you like the ad on a magazine page. It's hard to believe you're special when you feel invisible.
It's hard, I know.
There are moments I would give anything to be somebody else. Someone who is seen. Someone who is noticed. Someone who seems to have it all-together. Someone who truly makes a difference in the lives of everyone around them.
I'm not that someone, though. I don't look like her. I don't act like her. I'm not published like her. And I definitely don't speak like her.
But I was never meant to be her. I was meant to be me.
Here's the truth: you were meant to be you, no matter how you feel. You were meant to make your own difference and live your own life. You were never meant to look like her, act like her, and do the same things as her. If you were, you would be her.
But you're not. You are you. Individual, unique, and beautiful-just-the-way-you-are "you".
Don't change that. Don't even wish you could change that. There is a purpose for your life, even though you may not see it right now. There is a reason you are the way you are. There is a plan. A great, big, glorious plan with your name on it.
Today as we wrap up this 1-80 Challenge, I pray that you embrace the "you" God created. I pray that you will rest in the knowledge that you are a chosen daughter of the King. I pray that you will ignore the pressures of beauty from the outside and listen to the only voice that matters.
That voice is telling you that you are beautiful, just the way you are.
Verse: "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." (1 Peter 2:9)
That's what my shirt says this morning. That's what my Bible says this morning.
That is not how I feel this morning.
I know the facts. Jesus loves me the way I am. God created me just the way He wanted me. The people who truly love me will love me no matter what.
But sometimes that's just not enough. Sometimes I want everyone to like me. Sometimes (just sometimes) I want everyone to embrace this "me" God made.
Ok, I lied... I want it all the time.
It's hard to be yourself in a world full of so many "somebody-elses", isn't it? It's hard to believe you matter when the other girl is the one walking across the stage accepting that award. It's hard to believe you're beautiful when you still sit on the sidelines and watch all your friends go from boyfriend to boyfriend to boyfriend. It's hard to believe you're worth anything when it seems like everyone glosses over you like the ad on a magazine page. It's hard to believe you're special when you feel invisible.
It's hard, I know.
There are moments I would give anything to be somebody else. Someone who is seen. Someone who is noticed. Someone who seems to have it all-together. Someone who truly makes a difference in the lives of everyone around them.
I'm not that someone, though. I don't look like her. I don't act like her. I'm not published like her. And I definitely don't speak like her.
But I was never meant to be her. I was meant to be me.
Here's the truth: you were meant to be you, no matter how you feel. You were meant to make your own difference and live your own life. You were never meant to look like her, act like her, and do the same things as her. If you were, you would be her.
But you're not. You are you. Individual, unique, and beautiful-just-the-way-you-are "you".
Don't change that. Don't even wish you could change that. There is a purpose for your life, even though you may not see it right now. There is a reason you are the way you are. There is a plan. A great, big, glorious plan with your name on it.
Today as we wrap up this 1-80 Challenge, I pray that you embrace the "you" God created. I pray that you will rest in the knowledge that you are a chosen daughter of the King. I pray that you will ignore the pressures of beauty from the outside and listen to the only voice that matters.
That voice is telling you that you are beautiful, just the way you are.
Verse: "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." (1 Peter 2:9)
Day Seventy-Nine: Turn It Around
11/04/2009
I don't remember the first time I felt "un-beautiful".
There wasn't a lightning bolt moment that destined me to years and years of feeling unworthy. There wasn't a big blow-out.
There was just a moment when I realized that I wasn't as pretty as some of the other girls.
Most of us don't have huge, momentous "un-beautiful" moments. We can't pinpoint the exact moment we started believing the lie. We can't pinpoint why we started believing the lie. All we can do is tell you the moment we remember living by the lie instead of by the truth.
The lie walked through the doors of my mind in elementary school, and there it has stayed ever since. It never graduated. It never dropped out. It stayed, like the school custodian of 20 years.
And it pestered. Oh, did it pester!
The lie has been the same through the years: "You're not pretty...no one will ever like you...you won't go far in life with a face like that...you'll never be good enough...thin enough...pretty enough..."
And so the story goes.
I still hear the lie. Sometimes I still listen to the lie.
And something tells me you do to.
The other day I started getting really frustrated with Mr. Lie. I mean, I was really angry. I was tired of always competing with every girl that came across my path. I was tired of having to please the mirror, every second of every day. I was tired of never feeling good enough to do anything, and I just wanted him to go away.
But I didn't know how to do that.
Isn't it crazy how quickly we can forget the skills we've learned? All the verses in my head seemed to disappear in the face of the lie. All the truth seemed to temporarily take a vacation from my head.
I was left feeling ugly, frustrated, and defeated.
I'll even admit, I stayed that way for a couple of days.
Then I just got so sick of the lie that I had to do something. I took my weapon and fought back. The first arrow didn't seem to penetrate Mr. Lie's armor, but I kept on shooting. And shooting. And shooting.
Let me tell you, it was a war zone in my mind.
Here's the thing that surprised me at the end of the day: Mr. Lie did not go away. At the end of the battle, he was still standing there in front of me, with that same 'ole sneer on his face. He still flung the lies straight at me.
Only this time he had no power over me.
You see, when you start to use scripture to turn those lies around, the lies don't go away. They're still there. They still come after you. They still pester you. They just don't have any power over you.
Today I challenge you to turn those lies around. Search for the truth in your weapon bag. Get out your bible (the one you may not have used in years), and start stockpiling up your weapons. Turn around every lie. Yes, each and every one of them. When you can't find the truth and it seems like God is being silent, keep looking. I promise, He's given us the arrow for every battle we will ever face.
We just have to look for it.
Verse: "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)
There wasn't a lightning bolt moment that destined me to years and years of feeling unworthy. There wasn't a big blow-out.
There was just a moment when I realized that I wasn't as pretty as some of the other girls.
Most of us don't have huge, momentous "un-beautiful" moments. We can't pinpoint the exact moment we started believing the lie. We can't pinpoint why we started believing the lie. All we can do is tell you the moment we remember living by the lie instead of by the truth.
The lie walked through the doors of my mind in elementary school, and there it has stayed ever since. It never graduated. It never dropped out. It stayed, like the school custodian of 20 years.
And it pestered. Oh, did it pester!
The lie has been the same through the years: "You're not pretty...no one will ever like you...you won't go far in life with a face like that...you'll never be good enough...thin enough...pretty enough..."
And so the story goes.
I still hear the lie. Sometimes I still listen to the lie.
And something tells me you do to.
The other day I started getting really frustrated with Mr. Lie. I mean, I was really angry. I was tired of always competing with every girl that came across my path. I was tired of having to please the mirror, every second of every day. I was tired of never feeling good enough to do anything, and I just wanted him to go away.
But I didn't know how to do that.
Isn't it crazy how quickly we can forget the skills we've learned? All the verses in my head seemed to disappear in the face of the lie. All the truth seemed to temporarily take a vacation from my head.
I was left feeling ugly, frustrated, and defeated.
I'll even admit, I stayed that way for a couple of days.
Then I just got so sick of the lie that I had to do something. I took my weapon and fought back. The first arrow didn't seem to penetrate Mr. Lie's armor, but I kept on shooting. And shooting. And shooting.
Let me tell you, it was a war zone in my mind.
Here's the thing that surprised me at the end of the day: Mr. Lie did not go away. At the end of the battle, he was still standing there in front of me, with that same 'ole sneer on his face. He still flung the lies straight at me.
Only this time he had no power over me.
You see, when you start to use scripture to turn those lies around, the lies don't go away. They're still there. They still come after you. They still pester you. They just don't have any power over you.
Today I challenge you to turn those lies around. Search for the truth in your weapon bag. Get out your bible (the one you may not have used in years), and start stockpiling up your weapons. Turn around every lie. Yes, each and every one of them. When you can't find the truth and it seems like God is being silent, keep looking. I promise, He's given us the arrow for every battle we will ever face.
We just have to look for it.
Verse: "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)
Day Seventy-Eight: You Can't Change on Your Own
11/03/2009
I was frustrated.
As I looked into the mirror that morning, my only thoughts were negative. I hated everything I saw. I hated the way I never seemed to measure up. I hated seeing an imperfect reflection in the glass. I hated the me I faced.
I was frustrated and tired of trying to change. I had done everything in the book, but there was still no change. I still hated what I saw every time I looked in the glass.
"What's the point of trying to change when all your efforts come down to NOTHING?!?"
I have asked this question so many times. I have camped on this question so many times. In fact, I have let this question determine my attitude far too many times to count.
It's easy to get discouraged, isn't it? When you are faced with the same old junk day-in and day-out, it can be hard to keep up a good attitude. It's hard to believe in change when you still face your struggles, even after you've tried all the methods, memorized all the scriptures, and thrown out all the magazines.
Believe me, I know. I know what it's like to say, "Forget it." I know what it's like to want to throw in the towel because you see no progress. I know what it's like to work and work and work for nothing. I know, it's hard.
But I also know this: You can work for change all you want, but until you give it to God, nothing will change. You can make the best efforts. You can memorize the most verses. You can cut off every obstacle in your life, but until you give it to God and allow Him to change you, all that work will result in nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
You can't do it on your own. You can try, but I guarantee that you will only be left more frustrated and defeated.
So why not give it to God? Why not let Him change you?
If you truly aren't seeing change, you have nothing to lose by giving it to God. Give Him those thoughts that never seem to go away. Give Him your efforts. Give Him your worries, your fears, and your frustrations. Give Him your life, and He will work it out for His glory.
That's a promise.
God will not leave you there, my friend. He's there to pick up the pieces of all your effort... you just have to let Him.
Verse: "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)
As I looked into the mirror that morning, my only thoughts were negative. I hated everything I saw. I hated the way I never seemed to measure up. I hated seeing an imperfect reflection in the glass. I hated the me I faced.
I was frustrated and tired of trying to change. I had done everything in the book, but there was still no change. I still hated what I saw every time I looked in the glass.
"What's the point of trying to change when all your efforts come down to NOTHING?!?"
I have asked this question so many times. I have camped on this question so many times. In fact, I have let this question determine my attitude far too many times to count.
It's easy to get discouraged, isn't it? When you are faced with the same old junk day-in and day-out, it can be hard to keep up a good attitude. It's hard to believe in change when you still face your struggles, even after you've tried all the methods, memorized all the scriptures, and thrown out all the magazines.
Believe me, I know. I know what it's like to say, "Forget it." I know what it's like to want to throw in the towel because you see no progress. I know what it's like to work and work and work for nothing. I know, it's hard.
But I also know this: You can work for change all you want, but until you give it to God, nothing will change. You can make the best efforts. You can memorize the most verses. You can cut off every obstacle in your life, but until you give it to God and allow Him to change you, all that work will result in nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
You can't do it on your own. You can try, but I guarantee that you will only be left more frustrated and defeated.
So why not give it to God? Why not let Him change you?
If you truly aren't seeing change, you have nothing to lose by giving it to God. Give Him those thoughts that never seem to go away. Give Him your efforts. Give Him your worries, your fears, and your frustrations. Give Him your life, and He will work it out for His glory.
That's a promise.
God will not leave you there, my friend. He's there to pick up the pieces of all your effort... you just have to let Him.
Verse: "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)
Day Seventy-Seven: Challenge Your Standards
11/02/2009
It's hard to believe that you are beautiful. It's hard to look in the mirror and actually like what you see. It's hard to listen to the truth when the lie is staring you right in the face.
Believe me, I know.
When I watch TV, I am fully aware of all the ways I come up short. When I glance through a magazine, I am assaulted with images of picture-perfect models that push the "Jealousy" button. When I am around certain women, I realize that I still have many, many insecurities.
Those are the moments that make me realize I need to change my standards of beauty.
We all have standards. We all live by "rules" of what is beautiful and what is not. My standards are different than yours. Your standards are different than mine.
But they still need to change.
In order to live a healthy life (one not wrapped up in self-misery), we have to change our standards of what beauty is to each and every one of us. If your standards sound like any of the following, it might be time for some readjusting.
Top Ten Common Misconceptions About Beauty
1. I am only beautiful when the number on the scale reads .
2. I am only beautiful when I wear a .
3. I am only beautiful when someone compliments me. (And when they do finally compliment me, I am only as beautiful as the number of compliments I receive after that).
4. I am only beautiful when I look like so-and-so.
5. I am only beautiful when I look in the mirror and like everything I see.
6. I am only beautiful when I have a boyfriend. (And if I don't have a boyfriend, husband, etc. I am obviously not beautiful.)
7. I am only beautiful when the wrinkles disappear, the acne goes away, and the imperfections cease to be there.
8. I am only beautiful when I am in a room full of "un-beautiful" people.
9. I am only beautiful when everything is put together just-so.
10. I am only beautiful if someone tells me I'm beautiful...today.
These are some of my standards. These are the lies I cling to in those insecure moments.
These are not the true definitions of beauty. Not even close.
Today I am reworking my truths. Today I am challenging those definitions one by one and aligning them with what I know is to be true. Today I am choosing to believe that I am beautiful.
And with that choice, all these standards go flying out the window.
Believe me, I know.
When I watch TV, I am fully aware of all the ways I come up short. When I glance through a magazine, I am assaulted with images of picture-perfect models that push the "Jealousy" button. When I am around certain women, I realize that I still have many, many insecurities.
Those are the moments that make me realize I need to change my standards of beauty.
We all have standards. We all live by "rules" of what is beautiful and what is not. My standards are different than yours. Your standards are different than mine.
But they still need to change.
In order to live a healthy life (one not wrapped up in self-misery), we have to change our standards of what beauty is to each and every one of us. If your standards sound like any of the following, it might be time for some readjusting.
Top Ten Common Misconceptions About Beauty
1. I am only beautiful when the number on the scale reads .
2. I am only beautiful when I wear a .
3. I am only beautiful when someone compliments me. (And when they do finally compliment me, I am only as beautiful as the number of compliments I receive after that).
4. I am only beautiful when I look like so-and-so.
5. I am only beautiful when I look in the mirror and like everything I see.
6. I am only beautiful when I have a boyfriend. (And if I don't have a boyfriend, husband, etc. I am obviously not beautiful.)
7. I am only beautiful when the wrinkles disappear, the acne goes away, and the imperfections cease to be there.
8. I am only beautiful when I am in a room full of "un-beautiful" people.
9. I am only beautiful when everything is put together just-so.
10. I am only beautiful if someone tells me I'm beautiful...today.
These are some of my standards. These are the lies I cling to in those insecure moments.
These are not the true definitions of beauty. Not even close.
Today I am reworking my truths. Today I am challenging those definitions one by one and aligning them with what I know is to be true. Today I am choosing to believe that I am beautiful.
And with that choice, all these standards go flying out the window.
Day Seventy-Six: You Choose
10/30/2009
Today's change is a little bit different. Today you hold the cards.
I'm not going to tell you what to do today. I'm not going to tell you ways to "change beauty". I'm not going to challenge you to go against the culture, and I'm not going to spoon feed truth into your lives.
Today's choice is all up to you.
Over the past seventy six days or so, I've realized something that deeply disturbs me and deeply relieves me: I can't save anyone. I can tell you the truth. I can challenge you to make those changes in your life. I can even be there for you to listen, pray, and encourage.
But I can't change you. That's between you and God.
There is a freedom in that, yet there is also a huge burden. I'm relieved of the pressure to act as the spiritual firefighter, but I am grieved by that reality.
It's hard to watch people hear the truth and turn away. It's hard to see people struggle day-in and day-out. It's hard for me to talk to people with eating disorders and hear them say they're fine the way they are. It's hard to watch people literally die in front of your eyes, knowing that you can point them to the answer.
It's hard to watch people walk away from freedom.
Sometimes I question God's calling. "God," I ask. "Couldn't I have just recovered and moved on with my life? Why must I feel this tremendous burden for these people? Why must I sit here and watch these struggles? It would be so much easier to move on with my life and forget my past. Please, let someone else step up to this challenge."
And then I realize that this is not about me and my comfort. It's about God and His freedom. It's about "proclaiming freedom for the captives". It's about giving away so that someone else can gain. It's about laying the truth out on the table and letting the people choose.
So today the choice lies with you. It's a wild card kind of day. Come up with your own challenge, something that is personal to you. We all have our own struggles with beauty. You have struggles that I don't have and vice-versa. Make your own change today because without your involvement, change will never be made.
I invite you to post your change for today in the comments below. Share as little or as much as you want. To make it easier for you to be free with your thoughts, I've disabled the email and name requirement on the comment section. Just type Anonymous in the name box.
Let's talk about beauty and the struggles that come along with it.
Verse: "I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, "Here am I, here am I." (Isaiah 65:1)
I'm not going to tell you what to do today. I'm not going to tell you ways to "change beauty". I'm not going to challenge you to go against the culture, and I'm not going to spoon feed truth into your lives.
Today's choice is all up to you.
Over the past seventy six days or so, I've realized something that deeply disturbs me and deeply relieves me: I can't save anyone. I can tell you the truth. I can challenge you to make those changes in your life. I can even be there for you to listen, pray, and encourage.
But I can't change you. That's between you and God.
There is a freedom in that, yet there is also a huge burden. I'm relieved of the pressure to act as the spiritual firefighter, but I am grieved by that reality.
It's hard to watch people hear the truth and turn away. It's hard to see people struggle day-in and day-out. It's hard for me to talk to people with eating disorders and hear them say they're fine the way they are. It's hard to watch people literally die in front of your eyes, knowing that you can point them to the answer.
It's hard to watch people walk away from freedom.
Sometimes I question God's calling. "God," I ask. "Couldn't I have just recovered and moved on with my life? Why must I feel this tremendous burden for these people? Why must I sit here and watch these struggles? It would be so much easier to move on with my life and forget my past. Please, let someone else step up to this challenge."
And then I realize that this is not about me and my comfort. It's about God and His freedom. It's about "proclaiming freedom for the captives". It's about giving away so that someone else can gain. It's about laying the truth out on the table and letting the people choose.
So today the choice lies with you. It's a wild card kind of day. Come up with your own challenge, something that is personal to you. We all have our own struggles with beauty. You have struggles that I don't have and vice-versa. Make your own change today because without your involvement, change will never be made.
I invite you to post your change for today in the comments below. Share as little or as much as you want. To make it easier for you to be free with your thoughts, I've disabled the email and name requirement on the comment section. Just type Anonymous in the name box.
Let's talk about beauty and the struggles that come along with it.
Verse: "I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, "Here am I, here am I." (Isaiah 65:1)
Day Seventy-Five: Take People Off the Pedestal
10/29/2009
It all started with a tweet.
Yesterday Mary DeMuth (yes, the author of that really good book) sent a tweet into the cyber world that caught my attention:
"It could be just me, but it seems Christians are extremely starstruck by other famous Christians."
I had to laugh because it is true, and then I had to stop and think about what that really meant. Why do we, ordinary people, put other "famous" people on pedestals? Why do we esteem writers, movie stars, musicians, etc. so? What is up with this weird, weird habit?
In my Esther bible study this week, Beth Moore touched on this intriguing topic. As humans, we have a strange desire to idolize other humans. We are a celebrity driven culture. It's even so popular as to garner a few special terms.
One of those terms is so named "BIRGing and CORFing". BIRGing is our tendency to cling to someone of fame, literally becoming obsessed. You see this culture played out especially in the lives of pre-teen girls. My obsessions were numerous: Britney Spears, NSYNC, Justin Timberlake, Kelly Clarkson, Jessica Simpson... I idolized these celebrities. I knew every single detail about their lives (as released to the public), and I immersed myself in every news story, television program, and radio show that featured these "great" people. I, in terms of social psychology, was "basking in reflective glory". I had them on the pedestal, and I was bowing at their feet, eager to get a little of the attention.
And then there came a moment when those pedestals came crashing down. As is the case with most human beings, these celebrities made mistakes. They released an inappropriate song. They made a spectacle of themselves at the VMAs. They did something that did not warrant a pedestal, and I immediately backed away.
Hence the term CORFing. I didn't mind being associated with these people as long as they were succeeding, but the moment they made a mistake I "cut off the reflective failure". I took them off the pedestal and waited patiently for someone else worthy enough of my praise to come along.
This is a weird, weird practice.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that our pedestals only set us up for failure. When we put people on pedestals, we turn them into idols. And by turning them into idols, we turn everything they have into idols: fame, beauty, money, status. We start changing things about ourselves in order to "look like them", "talk like them", "succeed like them"... even "serve God like them". Unhealthy expectations are added to the pedestal, and we lose a crucial part of our lives: ourselves.
Beauty is often placed on this pedestal. I take certain "beautiful people" and place them at the place of honor in my life. Because I'm "basking in their glory" I feel the need to change my life so I too can be glorious like them.
So begins the cycle.
What would happen if we knocked down the pedestals for good? What would happen if we took another person's beauty, fame, fortune, or celebrity status off the altar? What would happen if we looked at all those "famous people" in the light of truth?
For one, we would realize that we come from dust. We would realize that someone's status does not make them worthy of the pedestal. We would realize that celebrities are just a few more ordinary people doing extraordinary things.
We would have our focus redirected to the true Celebrity.
Let's take those people off our pedestals today. Let's take those expectations off of the throne. Let's worship the only God worthy of our honor today and treat everyone else like normal human beings.
I don't know about you, but I am tired of sitting under that wooden pedestal of fame.
Verse: "For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the LORD made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary. Ascribe to the LORD, O families of nations, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength. Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; bring an offering and come into his courts." (Psalm 96:4-8)
Yesterday Mary DeMuth (yes, the author of that really good book) sent a tweet into the cyber world that caught my attention:
"It could be just me, but it seems Christians are extremely starstruck by other famous Christians."
I had to laugh because it is true, and then I had to stop and think about what that really meant. Why do we, ordinary people, put other "famous" people on pedestals? Why do we esteem writers, movie stars, musicians, etc. so? What is up with this weird, weird habit?
In my Esther bible study this week, Beth Moore touched on this intriguing topic. As humans, we have a strange desire to idolize other humans. We are a celebrity driven culture. It's even so popular as to garner a few special terms.
One of those terms is so named "BIRGing and CORFing". BIRGing is our tendency to cling to someone of fame, literally becoming obsessed. You see this culture played out especially in the lives of pre-teen girls. My obsessions were numerous: Britney Spears, NSYNC, Justin Timberlake, Kelly Clarkson, Jessica Simpson... I idolized these celebrities. I knew every single detail about their lives (as released to the public), and I immersed myself in every news story, television program, and radio show that featured these "great" people. I, in terms of social psychology, was "basking in reflective glory". I had them on the pedestal, and I was bowing at their feet, eager to get a little of the attention.
And then there came a moment when those pedestals came crashing down. As is the case with most human beings, these celebrities made mistakes. They released an inappropriate song. They made a spectacle of themselves at the VMAs. They did something that did not warrant a pedestal, and I immediately backed away.
Hence the term CORFing. I didn't mind being associated with these people as long as they were succeeding, but the moment they made a mistake I "cut off the reflective failure". I took them off the pedestal and waited patiently for someone else worthy enough of my praise to come along.
This is a weird, weird practice.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that our pedestals only set us up for failure. When we put people on pedestals, we turn them into idols. And by turning them into idols, we turn everything they have into idols: fame, beauty, money, status. We start changing things about ourselves in order to "look like them", "talk like them", "succeed like them"... even "serve God like them". Unhealthy expectations are added to the pedestal, and we lose a crucial part of our lives: ourselves.
Beauty is often placed on this pedestal. I take certain "beautiful people" and place them at the place of honor in my life. Because I'm "basking in their glory" I feel the need to change my life so I too can be glorious like them.
So begins the cycle.
What would happen if we knocked down the pedestals for good? What would happen if we took another person's beauty, fame, fortune, or celebrity status off the altar? What would happen if we looked at all those "famous people" in the light of truth?
For one, we would realize that we come from dust. We would realize that someone's status does not make them worthy of the pedestal. We would realize that celebrities are just a few more ordinary people doing extraordinary things.
We would have our focus redirected to the true Celebrity.
Let's take those people off our pedestals today. Let's take those expectations off of the throne. Let's worship the only God worthy of our honor today and treat everyone else like normal human beings.
I don't know about you, but I am tired of sitting under that wooden pedestal of fame.
Verse: "For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the LORD made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary. Ascribe to the LORD, O families of nations, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength. Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; bring an offering and come into his courts." (Psalm 96:4-8)
Day Seventy-Four: Change How You Use Beauty
10/27/2009
Beauty.
How do you use it in your day to day life? Do you build your life around it? Do you view it as just another pretty image? Do you use it as a means to gain success and recognition?
Did you know that you can use beauty for all of the wrong reasons?
Yeah, I didn't either.
Here's the deal, though: Most women today use beauty in order to get somewhere or something in life. Beauty is never the end; it is almost always the means to the end.
And it's those ends that keep us tied down in the end.
In my life, beauty was always the way I seemed to gain attention. As a little girl, I thought that being perfect and pretty would attract the attention of everyone around me. As I grew up, I clung to that belief with iron hands. I so desperately wanted to be noticed. I so desperately wanted to be seen.
So I did what made sense in my mind... I determined to be beautiful.
I thought that I could use beauty to gain the attention I craved. It started a vicious cycle of chasing beauty everywhere I went and ended in one big, nasty mess. My quest for attention led to my pursuit of beauty, which in the end led me straight into the arms of Ed (aka an eating disorder).
I used beauty to be seen, yet it did nothing but hide me behind its cloak.
Millions of girls and women around the world are using their beauty to obtain their deepest longings. Teenage girls want to be noticed, so they dress according to the latest Abercrombie ad. Preteen girls want to be noticed, so they embark on their first diet in order to fit in with the crowd. College girls want to be loved, so they chase the loose definition of beauty and give away its innocence. Career-driven women use their looks in order to climb the ladder of the corporate world. Middle-aged women use their beauty compare and compete with one another, even when that leads to ruined friendships, marriages, and lives.
The way we use beauty changes everything.
Maybe it's time to change that.
Today let beauty be beautiful. As the popular phrase says, "It is what it is."
Don't make it anything more because the moment you use it for something more is the moment it ceases to be beautiful.
How do you use it in your day to day life? Do you build your life around it? Do you view it as just another pretty image? Do you use it as a means to gain success and recognition?
Did you know that you can use beauty for all of the wrong reasons?
Yeah, I didn't either.
Here's the deal, though: Most women today use beauty in order to get somewhere or something in life. Beauty is never the end; it is almost always the means to the end.
And it's those ends that keep us tied down in the end.
In my life, beauty was always the way I seemed to gain attention. As a little girl, I thought that being perfect and pretty would attract the attention of everyone around me. As I grew up, I clung to that belief with iron hands. I so desperately wanted to be noticed. I so desperately wanted to be seen.
So I did what made sense in my mind... I determined to be beautiful.
I thought that I could use beauty to gain the attention I craved. It started a vicious cycle of chasing beauty everywhere I went and ended in one big, nasty mess. My quest for attention led to my pursuit of beauty, which in the end led me straight into the arms of Ed (aka an eating disorder).
I used beauty to be seen, yet it did nothing but hide me behind its cloak.
Millions of girls and women around the world are using their beauty to obtain their deepest longings. Teenage girls want to be noticed, so they dress according to the latest Abercrombie ad. Preteen girls want to be noticed, so they embark on their first diet in order to fit in with the crowd. College girls want to be loved, so they chase the loose definition of beauty and give away its innocence. Career-driven women use their looks in order to climb the ladder of the corporate world. Middle-aged women use their beauty compare and compete with one another, even when that leads to ruined friendships, marriages, and lives.
The way we use beauty changes everything.
Maybe it's time to change that.
Today let beauty be beautiful. As the popular phrase says, "It is what it is."
Don't make it anything more because the moment you use it for something more is the moment it ceases to be beautiful.
Day Seventy-Three: It's Not About Me, and It's Not About You
I have to admit, I have been "me centered" lately. As life as I know it unravels under my feet, I have a tendency to cling to how it affects me and my happiness.
Lucky for me, God is 100% against my "me centered" thinking, and He has been throwing big curve balls to redirect me to the path He intended for me all along.
Here is the whole essence of the Gospel: It's all about Jesus. From the beginning of time to the end of time (which-by the way-is nonexistent), Jesus has been and will be the center.
Not us.
It's easy to live as if it's all about me. When I wake up and open my Bible, I look for the scriptures that apply to my life. When I get dressed, I pick the outfit that I think makes me look good. When I go to work, I think about how it is benefitting me and my bank account. When I do my school work, I think about how it will better my future. When I write, I think about how I can show off my abilities. Even when I reach out in love, I am thinking about what's in it for me.
I have been on the wrong track.
You see, it's not about me or you. It's not about our gifts, talents, emotions, problems, etc. It's not about how we can be comfortable, successful, or prosperous. Turn on the TV, and you will see that life is not about you.
Not one bit.
We were not put here on this earth to please ourselves. We were not meant to win the most prizes, sell the most books, make the most money, or receive the most praise.
We were meant to glorify God with our lives and to do that, we have to lose the "me" and gain the "Him".
It's all about Jesus.
When I first started this blog, I was a little "me centered". I thought that my experiences would be able to help people out. I thought that somehow through my words, I could "save" someone from their struggle. I thought that I had all the knowledge and all the answers.
Then God threw some curve balls my way. He got in the middle of all my plans and redrew the map according to His purposes. And because of that, I am reaching people I could have never reached before. Because of His interruption, there are girls and women coming to learn about Him and His truths instead of me and my truths.
And for the record, it is so much better that way.
It's humbling-isn't it?- to learn that it really isn't about you. It's a little uncomfortable. It's a little eye opening.
But it's a lot transforming.
The moment you realize that this life is not about you and me is the moment you truly start living. It's the moment you see people for what they are: broken people in need of the one, true Savior. It's the moment you see that you can do nothing but point to Him. It's the moment you acknowledge that others are more important than yourself here on this earth.
Today challenge the "me centered" thinking. Pray that God will open your eyes to the plight of the broken around you. Reach out and love on somebody today, without expecting anything in return. It's not about you, and when you realize that, the chains attached to your love fall off.
Now you can love with no strings attached... the way it was always meant to be.
Verse: "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
Lucky for me, God is 100% against my "me centered" thinking, and He has been throwing big curve balls to redirect me to the path He intended for me all along.
Here is the whole essence of the Gospel: It's all about Jesus. From the beginning of time to the end of time (which-by the way-is nonexistent), Jesus has been and will be the center.
Not us.
It's easy to live as if it's all about me. When I wake up and open my Bible, I look for the scriptures that apply to my life. When I get dressed, I pick the outfit that I think makes me look good. When I go to work, I think about how it is benefitting me and my bank account. When I do my school work, I think about how it will better my future. When I write, I think about how I can show off my abilities. Even when I reach out in love, I am thinking about what's in it for me.
I have been on the wrong track.
You see, it's not about me or you. It's not about our gifts, talents, emotions, problems, etc. It's not about how we can be comfortable, successful, or prosperous. Turn on the TV, and you will see that life is not about you.
Not one bit.
We were not put here on this earth to please ourselves. We were not meant to win the most prizes, sell the most books, make the most money, or receive the most praise.
We were meant to glorify God with our lives and to do that, we have to lose the "me" and gain the "Him".
It's all about Jesus.
When I first started this blog, I was a little "me centered". I thought that my experiences would be able to help people out. I thought that somehow through my words, I could "save" someone from their struggle. I thought that I had all the knowledge and all the answers.
Then God threw some curve balls my way. He got in the middle of all my plans and redrew the map according to His purposes. And because of that, I am reaching people I could have never reached before. Because of His interruption, there are girls and women coming to learn about Him and His truths instead of me and my truths.
And for the record, it is so much better that way.
It's humbling-isn't it?- to learn that it really isn't about you. It's a little uncomfortable. It's a little eye opening.
But it's a lot transforming.
The moment you realize that this life is not about you and me is the moment you truly start living. It's the moment you see people for what they are: broken people in need of the one, true Savior. It's the moment you see that you can do nothing but point to Him. It's the moment you acknowledge that others are more important than yourself here on this earth.
Today challenge the "me centered" thinking. Pray that God will open your eyes to the plight of the broken around you. Reach out and love on somebody today, without expecting anything in return. It's not about you, and when you realize that, the chains attached to your love fall off.
Now you can love with no strings attached... the way it was always meant to be.
Verse: "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
Day Seventy-Two: Be Thankful
10/26/2009
It's easy to complain about what we are not. It's easy to sit in silence and brood over someone else's life. It's easy to think on all the ways we fall short. It's easy to compare our lives to someone else's. And it's even easier to believe someone else's life is better based on appearances.
Lately I've been thinking about all the things I wish I had. I find myself comparing everything in my life to someone else. My writing, my looks, my lifestyle, my personality, and my abilities all seem to fall short in the light of someone else's. And the more I think about these so-called "faults" of mine, the more I wish I could be somebody else.
It's a nasty cycle, really.
I know I'm not the only one stuck in this trap of wanting more and wanting to be more. It's not just an Alexis thing; I'm pretty sure it's an everybody thing. I'm pretty sure it's a daily struggle for all of us. It's a struggle that crosses all barriers and fits into all corners of life. It's so much more than beauty. It's so much more than material things. It's whatever, at the moment, makes you feel like you're less of a person.
It's the thing that seems to make or break you.
As I sat and thought about all the ways I fail in my eyes, God opened the door to the truth He wanted me to see. Yes, I may not be People magazine's #1 Most Beautiful. And yes, I may not write like this writer or have a book published like that writer. And yes, I may not have her personality or his abilities.
But I do have my own gifts. I do have my own beautiful life. And for that I should be thankful.
I have things for which to be thankful. I have an amazing family. I have a good job. All of my needs are taken care of. I am able to move and jump and dance and spin without having to think twice. I am able to read and write.
Yes, I have so much to be thankful for.
It's easy to take our blessings for granted. It's easy to sit and complain about what we don't have. But it takes a strong person to push aside the convenient thoughts in pursuit of thankfulness.
There are a lot of people in the world who can't do the things you can do. There are children who would give anything to have a family. There are girls who cry every night because they can't do the things someone else can naturally do. There are women with diseases that stick them in bed and make them feel worthless. There is always someone who has less than you.
So today, be thankful. Be thankful for what you do have and push aside the plaguing thoughts telling you how you don't measure up. Be thankful for wherever you are in life today and remember to bless someone who has less. A kind word can go such a long way. A meal can carry someone through the week. A friendship can change a person's life.
Be thankful because God has given us so much more than we ever deserved.
Verse: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
Lately I've been thinking about all the things I wish I had. I find myself comparing everything in my life to someone else. My writing, my looks, my lifestyle, my personality, and my abilities all seem to fall short in the light of someone else's. And the more I think about these so-called "faults" of mine, the more I wish I could be somebody else.
It's a nasty cycle, really.
I know I'm not the only one stuck in this trap of wanting more and wanting to be more. It's not just an Alexis thing; I'm pretty sure it's an everybody thing. I'm pretty sure it's a daily struggle for all of us. It's a struggle that crosses all barriers and fits into all corners of life. It's so much more than beauty. It's so much more than material things. It's whatever, at the moment, makes you feel like you're less of a person.
It's the thing that seems to make or break you.
As I sat and thought about all the ways I fail in my eyes, God opened the door to the truth He wanted me to see. Yes, I may not be People magazine's #1 Most Beautiful. And yes, I may not write like this writer or have a book published like that writer. And yes, I may not have her personality or his abilities.
But I do have my own gifts. I do have my own beautiful life. And for that I should be thankful.
I have things for which to be thankful. I have an amazing family. I have a good job. All of my needs are taken care of. I am able to move and jump and dance and spin without having to think twice. I am able to read and write.
Yes, I have so much to be thankful for.
It's easy to take our blessings for granted. It's easy to sit and complain about what we don't have. But it takes a strong person to push aside the convenient thoughts in pursuit of thankfulness.
There are a lot of people in the world who can't do the things you can do. There are children who would give anything to have a family. There are girls who cry every night because they can't do the things someone else can naturally do. There are women with diseases that stick them in bed and make them feel worthless. There is always someone who has less than you.
So today, be thankful. Be thankful for what you do have and push aside the plaguing thoughts telling you how you don't measure up. Be thankful for wherever you are in life today and remember to bless someone who has less. A kind word can go such a long way. A meal can carry someone through the week. A friendship can change a person's life.
Be thankful because God has given us so much more than we ever deserved.
Verse: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
Day Seventy-One: Challenge the Culture
10/24/2009
When I was in middle school, I wanted to be Britney Spears.
No joke.
I wanted to sing and dance for a living, walk the red carpet, and be known around the world.
But most of all, I wanted to be that beautiful celebrity whom everyone admired.
I don't want to be Britney Spears anymore; my priorities have since changed. I do, however, still struggle with the culture of beautiful.
When I'm flipping through channels, I have a tendency to stop on the "Red Carpet Shows". It's like instant beauty. As I sit and watch one gorgeous girl after another walk by, I start comparing. I start wishing that I could look like her, then her, and pretty soon I hate the way I look.
That's the culture of beauty. It's never satisfied, never good enough, and never you. The farther you go to chase it, the farther it backs away from your grasp.
Today's celebrity culture says that we have to reach physical perfection in order to be called beautiful. I don't know about you, but I never have (and never will) reach that perfection.
And if I sit on that thought long enough, it just depresses me.
Here's the truth: you really don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. You don't have to look like you just walked down the red carpet. You don't even have to look like that celebrity you have always admired from afar.
You just have to look like you.
I know, I know. That seems completely counter culture. It seems crazy. It seems impossible.
This culture wants to see true beauty, though. People don't want to see perfect women walking around...they want to see REAL women who aren't afraid to be themselves.
Slowly but surely our culture is changing. One day we will normal girls on the covers of magazines.
But until then, we must decide to challenge the culture. We must decide that our definition of beauty is going to be different. We must decide that we are going to be real and genuine.
Things will never change if we sit and adhere to the rules. Challenge the culture of beauty today, and, I promise, change will soon follow.
Let's follow Jeremiah's example today. His life is a great example of what it means to challenge the culture and live by the truth.
Verse: "Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land-against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord (Jeremiah 1:17-19).
No joke.
I wanted to sing and dance for a living, walk the red carpet, and be known around the world.
But most of all, I wanted to be that beautiful celebrity whom everyone admired.
I don't want to be Britney Spears anymore; my priorities have since changed. I do, however, still struggle with the culture of beautiful.
When I'm flipping through channels, I have a tendency to stop on the "Red Carpet Shows". It's like instant beauty. As I sit and watch one gorgeous girl after another walk by, I start comparing. I start wishing that I could look like her, then her, and pretty soon I hate the way I look.
That's the culture of beauty. It's never satisfied, never good enough, and never you. The farther you go to chase it, the farther it backs away from your grasp.
Today's celebrity culture says that we have to reach physical perfection in order to be called beautiful. I don't know about you, but I never have (and never will) reach that perfection.
And if I sit on that thought long enough, it just depresses me.
Here's the truth: you really don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. You don't have to look like you just walked down the red carpet. You don't even have to look like that celebrity you have always admired from afar.
You just have to look like you.
I know, I know. That seems completely counter culture. It seems crazy. It seems impossible.
This culture wants to see true beauty, though. People don't want to see perfect women walking around...they want to see REAL women who aren't afraid to be themselves.
Slowly but surely our culture is changing. One day we will normal girls on the covers of magazines.
But until then, we must decide to challenge the culture. We must decide that our definition of beauty is going to be different. We must decide that we are going to be real and genuine.
Things will never change if we sit and adhere to the rules. Challenge the culture of beauty today, and, I promise, change will soon follow.
Let's follow Jeremiah's example today. His life is a great example of what it means to challenge the culture and live by the truth.
Verse: "Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land-against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord (Jeremiah 1:17-19).
Day Seventy: Work on Your Weakness
10/23/2009
I’ve been out of town for the past week, so forgive me for the few days I missed. You won’t want to miss these last few days of the challenge though… I’ve learned a lot about myself and beauty over the past week that I want to share with you.
I am a creature of habit.
I like to do the same things, go to the same places, watch the same shows, read the same books, and- apparently- eat the same foods.
Normally habits are good things. It’s good to have a schedule. It’s good to have a plan. It’s good to have something that you can count on in the midst of chaos.
But it’s bad when those habits create chaos in your mind when you’re challenged with an interruption.
This past week has been filled with interruptions, and although I handled them well, my mind has been on overload. I’m thinking about the changes I need to make, the thought patterns I need to challenge, and the so many ways I am different from everyone around me.
Really, I’m thinking about how much progress I still have to make, and how imperfect I still am.
It’s comfortable to live believing you have arrived. It’s easy to let yourself think that you have nothing else to work on. It’s nice to pretend that you are perfect and all imperfection is in the past.
That’s how I have been living.
Somewhere, somehow I started believing that I didn’t have anything else to work on. I believed that freedom translated to perfection.
I was wrong.
Freedom is not perfection. In fact, freedom is anything but perfection. In his letter to the Galatians, Paul writes, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).
Freedom is taking the stance of getting ready for battle. It is walking in the knowledge that a challenge is coming. It is being prepared for the storm.
Christ may have set me free from my eating disorder, but Satan still tries to tie the ropes once again. He knows my weaknesses. He knows the ideas I still cling to. He knows how much certain things still freak me out.
And he uses those things. He flings those arrows and shoots that gun. He attacks when I am least expecting, most expecting, and completely unaware. All ground is fair ground to him.
Oh, but freedom.
Christ set us free so we would no longer be bound to Satan’s chains. He set us free so we can fight for the ground we have lost. He set us free, and He expects us to fight for our freedom. He expects us to “stand firm” and refuse to become slaves once more.
Freedom is not a one-time thing. It is an everyday, all day, for the rest of your life battle.
It is so worth it, though.
Today’s challenge is to work on your weakness. Work on the arrow that Satan flings at you the most. Work on that thought that constantly invades your mind. Work on your weakness so that you stay free from the chains of slavery.
I’ll just be honest: I realized I still have a lot of weaknesses. This past week showed me that I do not always look at food normally. When I am faced with eating out day in and day out, my mind can get a little chaotic. I tend to choose the safest food. I tend to obsess over my choices all day long. I tend to eat not-so-normal.
Some people wouldn’t see a problem with this. Some people would just see it as eating healthy. Some people may look at the way I eat and think it is perfectly acceptable.
But I know the truth for me, and it’s not. It’s not okay for me to battle food choices in my mind for more than five minutes. It’s not okay for me to constantly remember everything I’ve eaten over the past week. It’s not okay for me to sit and ponder over the calorie content of everything I have eaten and have yet to eat.
It’s not okay, and it’s not normal.
See, I may not struggle with my eating disorder anymore, but Satan still shoots the arrows. He knows that if I live my life ignoring these weaknesses, I will fall back into the prison.
So I am choosing to work on those weaknesses instead of living with them. I know that thoughts turn into actions, and I refuse to go there again.
Your weakness may not have anything to do with food, but you do have a weakness. I encourage you to work on it. Don’t ignore it. Don’t let it grow until it becomes to big to handle.
Challenge the thought today so your actions don’t conform to it tomorrow.
Verse: “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)
I am a creature of habit.
I like to do the same things, go to the same places, watch the same shows, read the same books, and- apparently- eat the same foods.
Normally habits are good things. It’s good to have a schedule. It’s good to have a plan. It’s good to have something that you can count on in the midst of chaos.
But it’s bad when those habits create chaos in your mind when you’re challenged with an interruption.
This past week has been filled with interruptions, and although I handled them well, my mind has been on overload. I’m thinking about the changes I need to make, the thought patterns I need to challenge, and the so many ways I am different from everyone around me.
Really, I’m thinking about how much progress I still have to make, and how imperfect I still am.
It’s comfortable to live believing you have arrived. It’s easy to let yourself think that you have nothing else to work on. It’s nice to pretend that you are perfect and all imperfection is in the past.
That’s how I have been living.
Somewhere, somehow I started believing that I didn’t have anything else to work on. I believed that freedom translated to perfection.
I was wrong.
Freedom is not perfection. In fact, freedom is anything but perfection. In his letter to the Galatians, Paul writes, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).
Freedom is taking the stance of getting ready for battle. It is walking in the knowledge that a challenge is coming. It is being prepared for the storm.
Christ may have set me free from my eating disorder, but Satan still tries to tie the ropes once again. He knows my weaknesses. He knows the ideas I still cling to. He knows how much certain things still freak me out.
And he uses those things. He flings those arrows and shoots that gun. He attacks when I am least expecting, most expecting, and completely unaware. All ground is fair ground to him.
Oh, but freedom.
Christ set us free so we would no longer be bound to Satan’s chains. He set us free so we can fight for the ground we have lost. He set us free, and He expects us to fight for our freedom. He expects us to “stand firm” and refuse to become slaves once more.
Freedom is not a one-time thing. It is an everyday, all day, for the rest of your life battle.
It is so worth it, though.
Today’s challenge is to work on your weakness. Work on the arrow that Satan flings at you the most. Work on that thought that constantly invades your mind. Work on your weakness so that you stay free from the chains of slavery.
I’ll just be honest: I realized I still have a lot of weaknesses. This past week showed me that I do not always look at food normally. When I am faced with eating out day in and day out, my mind can get a little chaotic. I tend to choose the safest food. I tend to obsess over my choices all day long. I tend to eat not-so-normal.
Some people wouldn’t see a problem with this. Some people would just see it as eating healthy. Some people may look at the way I eat and think it is perfectly acceptable.
But I know the truth for me, and it’s not. It’s not okay for me to battle food choices in my mind for more than five minutes. It’s not okay for me to constantly remember everything I’ve eaten over the past week. It’s not okay for me to sit and ponder over the calorie content of everything I have eaten and have yet to eat.
It’s not okay, and it’s not normal.
See, I may not struggle with my eating disorder anymore, but Satan still shoots the arrows. He knows that if I live my life ignoring these weaknesses, I will fall back into the prison.
So I am choosing to work on those weaknesses instead of living with them. I know that thoughts turn into actions, and I refuse to go there again.
Your weakness may not have anything to do with food, but you do have a weakness. I encourage you to work on it. Don’t ignore it. Don’t let it grow until it becomes to big to handle.
Challenge the thought today so your actions don’t conform to it tomorrow.
Verse: “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)
Day Sixty-Nine: Be Part of the Team
10/21/2009
Beauty is not standing alone. Beauty is not being ranked number one. Beauty is not about being the "best".
It is all about the team.
Have you ever watched a high school sports team? There are two kinds of teammates: the ones who work together and support one another no matter what happens and the ones who don't. A true team will rejoice in one another's victories while the other team is torn apart with jealousy and strive. A true team will cry over one another's failures while the other team will rejoice in the defeat of their fellow teammates. A true team is a beautiful thing to witness; the other team just reminds us too much of real life.
We are a team. Every girl, every woman, every lady on this earth is on the team. The question is: what kind of teammate are you?
A true teammate doesn't seethe in jealousy over someone else's beauty; instead, she admires and appreciates everyone's unique beauty. A true teammate doesn't want her other teammates to lose; she wants them all to shine. A true teammate doesn't constantly worried about being kicked off the team; instead, she rests secure in the knowledge that she has been chosen to be a part of this group that loves her no matter what.
Girls, we are a team, and as fellow teammates, we need to stop comparing ourselves against one another. We need to stop competing and start resting. We need to embrace our teammates and work for the common goal: freedom.
Today's challenge is to play your part. Step into your role as teammate and cheer on your team. Rejoice in another's successes. Admire another's beauty. Appreciate your own.
Teamwork is a beautiful thing, so let's practice it today, with or without the gym shorts.
It is all about the team.
Have you ever watched a high school sports team? There are two kinds of teammates: the ones who work together and support one another no matter what happens and the ones who don't. A true team will rejoice in one another's victories while the other team is torn apart with jealousy and strive. A true team will cry over one another's failures while the other team will rejoice in the defeat of their fellow teammates. A true team is a beautiful thing to witness; the other team just reminds us too much of real life.
We are a team. Every girl, every woman, every lady on this earth is on the team. The question is: what kind of teammate are you?
A true teammate doesn't seethe in jealousy over someone else's beauty; instead, she admires and appreciates everyone's unique beauty. A true teammate doesn't want her other teammates to lose; she wants them all to shine. A true teammate doesn't constantly worried about being kicked off the team; instead, she rests secure in the knowledge that she has been chosen to be a part of this group that loves her no matter what.
Girls, we are a team, and as fellow teammates, we need to stop comparing ourselves against one another. We need to stop competing and start resting. We need to embrace our teammates and work for the common goal: freedom.
Today's challenge is to play your part. Step into your role as teammate and cheer on your team. Rejoice in another's successes. Admire another's beauty. Appreciate your own.
Teamwork is a beautiful thing, so let's practice it today, with or without the gym shorts.
Day Sixty-Eight: Love Yourself
10/19/2009
Sometimes I feel like the ugly duckling.
I can imagine how that little duck felt in the pond. Useless. Insecure. Unwanted. Ugly.
As he looked around at all the beautiful ducks in the pond, I imagine he felt alone. After all, when you're a duck, beauty is everything. Nobody comes to the pond to watch a duck swim. A ducks role is to sit on the water and look pretty.
Isn't being a woman the same?
Today's idea of a woman begins and ends with beauty. "If you can just sit there and be pretty, everyone will like you." "If you can just do this to look better, you will go somewhere in life." "If you could just look like her..."
Yeah, beauty is everything (according to this world). And like the ugly duckling, some of us get left out.
It's not fun being in a room full of beautiful women. It leaves you feeling unwanted, insecure, and just plain ugly. You walk away defeated, and all your plans get thrown to the wayside in light of this "disaster".
And yes- it does feel like a disaster.
We all want to be told that we're beautiful. As little girls we search for those words. Some of us grew up hearing that we are beautiful, and some of us didn't. Some of us live each day relishing in the truth, and some of us don't.
I'll admit, a lot of times I don't.
I don't always believe that I'm beautiful. When I get around beautiful women, the moment I step away the tears start to fall because I'm not as beautiful as them. When I hear other people talk about how pretty another girl is, insecurity flares up and dominates my life. When I feel like there is competition, I bow out and admit defeat.
Why?
Because I don't think I'll ever be beautiful; therefore, why stick around?
I know I am not the only girl who feels like this (at lease I hope I'm not!). As I started thinking about this, I realized that God deals with us directly on this subject. He knew that we would feel like the "ugly ducklings". He knew that we needed to hear that we are beautiful. He knew that we would search and strive our whole lives to hear those words, and He knew what a devastating affect the absence of those words could have on a young girl.
He knows all that.
He knows how insecure you feel in that group. He knows how you stay up at night in turmoil over a "silly" thing called beauty. He knows how your heart aches in jealousy. He knows this is how you feel, but He wants to help you move on from there. He wants to guide you toward truth. He wants to save you from insecurity and jealousy and show you a better way, a newer way.
He wants to show you the way of love.
Today is a day to just love yourself. Love the person God has created you to be. It may be a challenge (it is definitely one for me), but it is worth it. Don't give into the lies that scream for your attention. Love yourself and the insecurities will fall away. Love yourself, for it's only then that you can ever truly love someone else.
Verse: "Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his." (Psalm 100:3)
I can imagine how that little duck felt in the pond. Useless. Insecure. Unwanted. Ugly.
As he looked around at all the beautiful ducks in the pond, I imagine he felt alone. After all, when you're a duck, beauty is everything. Nobody comes to the pond to watch a duck swim. A ducks role is to sit on the water and look pretty.
Isn't being a woman the same?
Today's idea of a woman begins and ends with beauty. "If you can just sit there and be pretty, everyone will like you." "If you can just do this to look better, you will go somewhere in life." "If you could just look like her..."
Yeah, beauty is everything (according to this world). And like the ugly duckling, some of us get left out.
It's not fun being in a room full of beautiful women. It leaves you feeling unwanted, insecure, and just plain ugly. You walk away defeated, and all your plans get thrown to the wayside in light of this "disaster".
And yes- it does feel like a disaster.
We all want to be told that we're beautiful. As little girls we search for those words. Some of us grew up hearing that we are beautiful, and some of us didn't. Some of us live each day relishing in the truth, and some of us don't.
I'll admit, a lot of times I don't.
I don't always believe that I'm beautiful. When I get around beautiful women, the moment I step away the tears start to fall because I'm not as beautiful as them. When I hear other people talk about how pretty another girl is, insecurity flares up and dominates my life. When I feel like there is competition, I bow out and admit defeat.
Why?
Because I don't think I'll ever be beautiful; therefore, why stick around?
I know I am not the only girl who feels like this (at lease I hope I'm not!). As I started thinking about this, I realized that God deals with us directly on this subject. He knew that we would feel like the "ugly ducklings". He knew that we needed to hear that we are beautiful. He knew that we would search and strive our whole lives to hear those words, and He knew what a devastating affect the absence of those words could have on a young girl.
He knows all that.
He knows how insecure you feel in that group. He knows how you stay up at night in turmoil over a "silly" thing called beauty. He knows how your heart aches in jealousy. He knows this is how you feel, but He wants to help you move on from there. He wants to guide you toward truth. He wants to save you from insecurity and jealousy and show you a better way, a newer way.
He wants to show you the way of love.
Today is a day to just love yourself. Love the person God has created you to be. It may be a challenge (it is definitely one for me), but it is worth it. Don't give into the lies that scream for your attention. Love yourself and the insecurities will fall away. Love yourself, for it's only then that you can ever truly love someone else.
Verse: "Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his." (Psalm 100:3)
Day Sixty-Seven: Beauty Undefined
10/18/2009
The more I think about redefining beauty, the more I realize that beauty has no definition. There are no limits to beauty. There are no requirements to beauty. There are no expectations, and there are no limitations.
Beauty cannot be defined.
If we were to come up with another definition of beauty, we would only be creating another constricting box. Beauty is limited to the box. It is completely and radically out of the box.
As you go through your day, how do you think of beauty? Do you place limitations on yourself? Even if you don't follow cultural standards of beauty, your own standards can be just as damaging.
It's time we get rid of those standards.
Beauty should never be defined. It is about being free to be yourself, every moment of every day. So erase the definition of beauty today and embrace the freedom of living under the undefined.
Today I am throwing aside my own standards and embracing freedom to truly live. I am throwing down the "rules" in my mind that have the tendency to drag me down. I am throwing the images to the wayside in order to accept the person I was made to be. I am declaring beauty as "undefined".
The moment you step out of the definition is the moment you embrace the complete freedom of what it means to truly be "beautiful".
Whatever that means to you, today.
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)
Beauty cannot be defined.
If we were to come up with another definition of beauty, we would only be creating another constricting box. Beauty is limited to the box. It is completely and radically out of the box.
As you go through your day, how do you think of beauty? Do you place limitations on yourself? Even if you don't follow cultural standards of beauty, your own standards can be just as damaging.
It's time we get rid of those standards.
Beauty should never be defined. It is about being free to be yourself, every moment of every day. So erase the definition of beauty today and embrace the freedom of living under the undefined.
Today I am throwing aside my own standards and embracing freedom to truly live. I am throwing down the "rules" in my mind that have the tendency to drag me down. I am throwing the images to the wayside in order to accept the person I was made to be. I am declaring beauty as "undefined".
The moment you step out of the definition is the moment you embrace the complete freedom of what it means to truly be "beautiful".
Whatever that means to you, today.
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)
Day Sixty-Six: Embrace Freedom
10/17/2009
I haven't exercised on a consecutive basis for weeks.
Usually that would ruin me. When the realization would hit me, I would drop everything to go to the gym for as long as I could handle. Or I would "compensate" by drastically cutting back on what I ate. Or I would sit and complain about how "ugly" and "fat" I am.
And then tell everyone I know to buy me a cat because I am destined to be an old maid.
Today is different, though. Today as I sit and think about my so-called "unhealthy" habits, I am not fazed. In fact, I would go so far as to say I don't really care. I may not have the perfect sculpted body. I may not be teetering on the edge between a low number and a high place. I may not win the prize for "Most Beautiful". I may have even gained a pound or two.
None of that fazes me.
My body is just that: a body. The number on the scale is just that: a number. Rigid rules are just that: rigid rules.
And I'm tired of living under so many rules.
Never before have I been able to just brush off my imperfections. A skipped workout used to ruin my mood for the day. The thought of an extra pound gained threw me into a frenzy. An unflattering picture or image in the mirror led me to my eating disorder every time.
Things are different now.
The thought of a few extra pounds doesn't panic me. I can start working out whenever I want (preferably when I have the time, which is not now). I don't have to put the important things on hold to combat the so-called imperfections of my body. I am free to live my life without worrying about the long list of rules I have to follow to be "healthy" and "perfect". If the people in my life can't love me the way I am today, then they never really loved me at all.
They do love me, though. Whatever the number on the scale says. Whether or not I have on make-up. If I work-out or not.
They have always loved me... I haven't.
Today I know what it means to be beautiful. Beauty is freedom. Freedom to eat the dessert you tell yourself you can't eat. Freedom to look at the scale and not care what it says. Freedom to look in the mirror and smile because nothing it reflects can change your mood.
Beauty is freedom what lives moment-by-moment unfazed by the rules of the past.
Embrace your freedom today. Don't be controlled by the rules. Challenge yourself to be okay with being who you are today.
I promise, freedom is so much better.
Verse: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)
Usually that would ruin me. When the realization would hit me, I would drop everything to go to the gym for as long as I could handle. Or I would "compensate" by drastically cutting back on what I ate. Or I would sit and complain about how "ugly" and "fat" I am.
And then tell everyone I know to buy me a cat because I am destined to be an old maid.
Today is different, though. Today as I sit and think about my so-called "unhealthy" habits, I am not fazed. In fact, I would go so far as to say I don't really care. I may not have the perfect sculpted body. I may not be teetering on the edge between a low number and a high place. I may not win the prize for "Most Beautiful". I may have even gained a pound or two.
None of that fazes me.
My body is just that: a body. The number on the scale is just that: a number. Rigid rules are just that: rigid rules.
And I'm tired of living under so many rules.
Never before have I been able to just brush off my imperfections. A skipped workout used to ruin my mood for the day. The thought of an extra pound gained threw me into a frenzy. An unflattering picture or image in the mirror led me to my eating disorder every time.
Things are different now.
The thought of a few extra pounds doesn't panic me. I can start working out whenever I want (preferably when I have the time, which is not now). I don't have to put the important things on hold to combat the so-called imperfections of my body. I am free to live my life without worrying about the long list of rules I have to follow to be "healthy" and "perfect". If the people in my life can't love me the way I am today, then they never really loved me at all.
They do love me, though. Whatever the number on the scale says. Whether or not I have on make-up. If I work-out or not.
They have always loved me... I haven't.
Today I know what it means to be beautiful. Beauty is freedom. Freedom to eat the dessert you tell yourself you can't eat. Freedom to look at the scale and not care what it says. Freedom to look in the mirror and smile because nothing it reflects can change your mood.
Beauty is freedom what lives moment-by-moment unfazed by the rules of the past.
Embrace your freedom today. Don't be controlled by the rules. Challenge yourself to be okay with being who you are today.
I promise, freedom is so much better.
Verse: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)
Day Sixty-Four: The Beauty of Control
10/16/2009
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23)
Self-control is such a taboo word in today's culture. We would rather place the blame on some "disease", "disorder", or "phobia" than take the responsibility and make the change. We want "miracle" weight loss pills. We want drive-thru meals. We want fast service. We even want instant fame.
But we don't want to have the self-control to do it.
Believe me, I know how hard of a thing self-control can be; I had an eating disorder-remember? I know how hard it is to resist the urge to satisfy the temptations. I know how hard it is to practice self-control when all you want to do is lose control. I know how hard it is to pick the "best" thing when all you want to do is pick the wrong thing.
Self-control may not be easy, but it is essential. And its roots go all the way back to the Garden.
I don't imagine Eve had any more self-control than we do today. When the serpent tempted her with the apple, I imagine her mind went into "turmoil mode". I don't think her answer was automatic; she thought about her decision.
"Should I eat the fruit even though I am pretty sure God said not to eat it? Or is the serpent right? The fruit does look good... Maybe I'll just take one bite. Surely one bite won't hurt."
Eve lost self-control. She let her mind wander and entertain the "what if's", and we are still reaping the consequences to this day.
Oh, if only we were only tempted with a piece of fruit! We're not though. Almost everything around us is a temptation, and sometimes we have to take responsibility and practice self-control. Some of us have to say no to the fifth cookie. Some of us have to say no to the next hour at the gym. Some of us have to say no to the "Blow-out Sale". Some of us have to say no to those things to allure us to bow down and worship them.
Self-control is not easy or fun. You may not see the benefit of it in the moment. But in the end, it is so much better.
Today is the day to practice it. Today is the day you say no to the overwhelming desire in order to say yes to obedience to the truth. Today is a day of beautiful freedom from the chains that have bound so many of us for so long.
Self-control is such a taboo word in today's culture. We would rather place the blame on some "disease", "disorder", or "phobia" than take the responsibility and make the change. We want "miracle" weight loss pills. We want drive-thru meals. We want fast service. We even want instant fame.
But we don't want to have the self-control to do it.
Believe me, I know how hard of a thing self-control can be; I had an eating disorder-remember? I know how hard it is to resist the urge to satisfy the temptations. I know how hard it is to practice self-control when all you want to do is lose control. I know how hard it is to pick the "best" thing when all you want to do is pick the wrong thing.
Self-control may not be easy, but it is essential. And its roots go all the way back to the Garden.
I don't imagine Eve had any more self-control than we do today. When the serpent tempted her with the apple, I imagine her mind went into "turmoil mode". I don't think her answer was automatic; she thought about her decision.
"Should I eat the fruit even though I am pretty sure God said not to eat it? Or is the serpent right? The fruit does look good... Maybe I'll just take one bite. Surely one bite won't hurt."
Eve lost self-control. She let her mind wander and entertain the "what if's", and we are still reaping the consequences to this day.
Oh, if only we were only tempted with a piece of fruit! We're not though. Almost everything around us is a temptation, and sometimes we have to take responsibility and practice self-control. Some of us have to say no to the fifth cookie. Some of us have to say no to the next hour at the gym. Some of us have to say no to the "Blow-out Sale". Some of us have to say no to those things to allure us to bow down and worship them.
Self-control is not easy or fun. You may not see the benefit of it in the moment. But in the end, it is so much better.
Today is the day to practice it. Today is the day you say no to the overwhelming desire in order to say yes to obedience to the truth. Today is a day of beautiful freedom from the chains that have bound so many of us for so long.
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