Everyone Deserves to Feel Beautiful

Today I am featuring a cause that has changed the way I think about people: The Help Portrait. Photographers from all around the world set aside their time on December 12th in order to give back to those in need.

And all they did was use their talents.

They took time out of their regular schedules in order to shoot free portraits of the homeless, the single parents, the sick, and the poor. They offered their gifts in order to give these people the gift of feeling beautiful, special, and loved.

This video made me think. It made me brainstorm. It made me evaluate how I am using my life. Am I glorifying God with my talents? Am I giving back to people in need using the gifts I have? Am I giving someone the chance to feel beautiful and loved?

I don't know.

But I do know that I can start today by taking time out of my busy schedule to make someone feel loved. I'm in no way, shape, or form a photographer, but I do have talents. I can't sit down and film a documentary to showcase the beauty of every woman and young girl I meet. {I wish I could.}

I can't do any of those things, but I can do something.

So I will.

Everyone deserves to feel beautiful, no matter who they are.

Something to Ponder: How can you use your talents to give back to someone in need?

I'm Really Just Not Worth It

The biggest problem among girls and women today is not addiction. It's not even worldliness or moodiness.

It's our perceived lack of value that creates the biggest issues in our lives.

Addiction doesn't stem from nowhere; it has to start with something. And-unfortunately- that something is usually related to how much value we think we have.

Or don't have.

The truth is, most of us- addictions or not- don't believe that we're really all that valuable. We throw ourselves away for relationships, success, fame, money... really, the list is endless. We pursue these things (these ideals) in life so that at the end of the day we can feel more valuable.

Only the sense of value never comes.

The gaping hole just gets bigger and bigger, and pretty soon we need to do more and more to feel like we are "worth it". It's an endless cycle that reinforces the belief that we will never amount to anything of value. Pretty soon our "normal" lives transform into lives that are chasing worth. Some of us move from man to man. Some of us move from addiction to addiction. Some of us sit in the feeling of despair until the hopelessness of the situation causes us to take action.

In a negative way.

It's not a "self-esteem" problem; it's a truth problem. We don't know the truth. We don't know our value. We don't know our purpose... so we try to create our own. We try to form our own worth from the sand of this world, and we are somehow surprised when it all sifts back to nothing.

Here's truth: you have worth and value (and not because the world says so). You are valuable because God created you. You are valuable because Christ died for you. You are valuable because you have God's Spirit living inside of you. No matter what you've done in the past. No matter what kind of person you were before today. No matter what you've done, what you are, and what you are going to do, you have value and worth beyond measure.

There are so many times I react with "I'm just not worth it". I list the ways I've screwed up. I tally off the number of times I've steered off course and made mistakes. I write my flaws on the wall for the world to see, and I stand back and say, "There's truth." There are so many times I doubt God's love for me because of my past and my failures.

But in those moments when I desperately cry, "Look at all I've done!", He gently reminds me: "No, look at all I've done."

He's wiped my sins away. He's painted over the walls proclaiming my lack of worth. He's erased my lists of failures. He's bandaged the self-inflicted wounds and has traded His blood for mine.

And He's done the same for you. Nothing in your past, present or future disqualifies you from God's love. All you have to do is receive it. Cling to it. Trust in it. Rest in it.

He places so much value on your life. More than you will ever know.

Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." It's hard to love a person who doesn't love you back- isn't it? But this is exactly what God did. While we were still chasing love from this world, Christ died for us. He died so that we would know of the love God has for us. He died so we would know of our value. He died while we did everything imaginable to defame His name.

Yet He still did it. He still loved us.

Romans 8:14 calls us "sons of God". Romans 8:17 names us "heirs" to His throne. Ephesians 1:5 says we are His "adopted" sons and daughters.

That's love. Imagine the love a parent feels for his or her child and times that by a million.

That's God's love for you. That's the worth He places on you. That's the truth of the matter.

Christ died for you. That is what this Christmas season is all about. It's not merely another celebration of a human birth; it's an all-out celebration of the birth of the One who came so you could have worth. He was born so He could die. He was hated so you could be loved.

Jesus is not about condemning. He didn't come to give us a list of all that we should and should not do. He came, He lived, He died so you and I would know- beyond a shadow of a doubt- that we are loved.

And you are loved, my friend. So deeply loved and so deeply valued, and NOTHING can take that away from you.

Why Can't I Fit into My Christmas Dress?

And the winner is ... Erin! So, Erin, check your email later today for details.

Now onto business as usual.

Have you ever noticed the increase in diet and weight talk around the holidays? Everywhere you go, someone is talking about the "new" diet they will soon embark on... after the new year. Or someone else in the line next to Mrs. Diet Ready is talking about the ever-increasing size of her jeans during this holiday season. And then the cashier starts giving you a running tally of the caloric index in the Christmas cookie tin she just devoured and complains about the "pudginess of the holidays".

Like we needed to know.

I don't know what it is about the holidays that spurs on this kind of food/weight focus, but something triggers it. It used to bother me, this incessant talk of diet and weight.

Now it just amuses me.

It amuses me because so many people stay stuck on the "Holiday Weight, Diet, Food, etc" topic that they forget to think about the actual holiday (which would be Christmas, in case you forgot). Somehow, somewhere the definition of Christmas changed. It's no longer about the birth of Christ; it's all about the appearances (and future appearances).

At least that's my perception.

And- just so you know- I'm not always immune to the "look good" holiday bug. Past Christmas's have wreaked havoc on my mind. Instead of focusing on Christ and all He came to do, I became obsessed with looking "perfect" for the family I haven't seen all year. Or instead of being thankful for the food on our table, I fretted over the self-imposed "off-limits" food. Or instead of enjoying the clothes I received Christmas morning, I complained about the way I looked when I actually put them on.

To sum it up, I steered off course.

And I wasn't alone, judging from my recent encounters.

I just want to encourage you to put away the appearances this season. Christmas is not about looking better than your friends. It's not about planning for the new and improved diet for the new year. It's not even about the way you look in your new Christmas dress.

It's about Christ. It's about His birth, His sacrifice, and His love for you and me. It's all about Him and less about you and me.

Let's remember that as we look into the mirror this holiday season.

"Beating Ana" Book Giveaway!

Happy Monday all!

Today is a very exciting day for me. I have had the amazing opportunity to work alongside Shannon Cutts, founder of MentorCONNECT (an online community that supports eating disorder recovery by connecting mentors with mentees), and I wanted to share her new book with you.

Y'all... this book is such a great tool for recovery. If you have struggled with an eating disorder (or known someone close to you who has), you know how hard it can be to find support.

Healthy support, that is.

So many eating disorder books on the shelves today glorify their struggles. So many eating disorder books trigger readers further into behaviors. So many eating disorder books feed the addiction and leave us in a bigger mess.

Not this one.

The thing I absolutely LOVE about Beating Ana: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder & Take Your Life Back is it is none of the above. Shannon doesn't talk about specifics. Shannon doesn't glorify or give the eating disorder any credit. Shannon gives you the tools to find recovery and walk in freedom.

Not only that, but Beating Ana takes on a new approach that no eating disorder book has taken; she emphasizes the importance of mentoring relationships to the recovery process. She stresses that we cannot do this on our own. Eating disorders are lonely little devils, and the best way to fight for freedom is to join forces with someone who has already "been there, done that, and taken their life back".

Complete with "Recovery Workshop" assignments at the end of each chapter, Shannon allows you to work through the process for yourself as she guides you toward the direction of freedom. Basically, she is the best teacher you could have in this thing called "E.D. school" .

Today I will be giving away a signed copy of Shannon Cutt's book Beating Ana: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder & Take Your Life Back. This book is perfect for anyone in the recovery process, so if you know anyone with an eating disorder or personally struggle yourself, leave a comment (make sure to fill out your email so I can contact you if you win... it won't show publicly!) and I'll enter you in the giveaway drawing. It ends tonight at midnight, so don't waste time- enter today!

On that note, I'd like to introduce you to Shannon. She is an inspiration to anyone wanting to recover from an eating disorder, and I just know that you'll love her as much as I do.

Shannon, your book is such an inspirational tool for people who struggle with eating disorders. I know you touch on it a little in Beating Ana: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder & Take Your Life Back, but what tools did you turn to when you were trying to recover? Were there specific books, people, or programs that helped you along the way in recovery?

Unfortunately, when I was first struggling to recover from my eating disorder in the late 1980’s, no one was talking about eating disorders or sharing their stories. I wasn’t diagnosed until 13 years after I had first begun to restrict and later binge and purge, so I didn’t even know what resources to look for to try to learn about how to recover. The only real “tool” I had was my first mentor, Annie, whom I write about in Beating Ana. She won my trust and convinced me to open up to her and talk about my fears of eating and “getting fat”, and she reassured me that together, we could figure out how to outsmart my fears and regain control of my life and dreams. She helped me identify good books to read about other people’s inspiration stories of triumph over hardship. She taught me about journaling and meditation to calm myself down and create an atmosphere of mindfulness when it came to the eating disorder voice’s influence over my life. And she would cook for me and sit with me while I ate to help reduce my fear. We have such a wealth of resources today and I always encourage those who write to me for help to take full advantage of all the knowledge and assistance that is available. And for those who think that having only one person in their life who understands will never be enough, I say that to me, when I was recovering, finding just one person who was willing to walk with me was unimaginable wealth. We cannot recover alone, which is why on MentorCONNECT we always say “relationships replace eating disorders”. But even one person standing with you against the eating disorder really is enough – I am living proof of that.

My favorite quote from Beating Ana is “RECOVERY IS NOT OPTIONAL”. Can you tell us how you came to that point in your own recovery?

I realized that recovery is not optional right about the same time I realized that I had something I needed to recover from. Interestingly, this was a few years before I was formally diagnosed with an eating disorder, but my eating disorder had already cost me the loss of my music career, my college scholarship, and the closeness I had formerly had with family and friends. I woke up to the fact that whether I knew what was killing me or not, whether I had any idea how to fight it or not (let alone win), I was not a coward and not a quitter, and I simply was not going to let it take me down without a fight. I adopted what I now like to call the “Braveheart Approach” – simply fling myself into battle, give it absolutely everything I had, try everything I could think of, and if I still lost the war, at least I could look myself in the eye as I was going down and call myself a hero in my own life. And who knows – maybe I might even WIN!

What was the hardest thing about the recovery process for you?

Accepting that the work I would have to do to recover from my eating disorder was very hard – maybe the most difficult work I had ever done, or would ever do in my whole life. I often receive letters from sufferers who tell me that they’ve relapsed over and over again and they have convinced themselves that they aren’t the “kind of people” who can recover. I always wonder where they got the idea that this work was easy, or that if it was hard it was because they are doing it wrong. For years I have told my mentees and those who write to me that if recovery feels like walking across the Grand Canyon on a tightrope without a safety net, then that is how they know they are doing it right. Recovery work is hard, hard, work. But it is worth it, because if you can persevere and achieve recovery then you don’t have to be afraid of your limitations anymore. If you can recover, you can do ANYTHING you put your mind and heart and spirit to.

There has been a lot of talk recently about “sustained recovery”. Are there any key factors you can think of that have helped you maintain your recovery?

Relationships – real, supportive, quality, intimate human relationships – are essential for maintaining recovery. Also, I have carefully cultivated a realistic attitude towards the ups and downs of daily life that has allowed me to give myself the same break I would give someone else I cared about if I found I was struggling more on one day than in others past. We never know what life will hand us, and it is important as we get stronger in our recovery to be able to do two things: 1) Recognize that “relapse” is just a new lesson in disguise, and 2) Distinguish between a relapse and a normal human response to the unexpected losses and changes life brings (for instance, am I not eating as much today because I am sad or because I am having eating disordered thoughts). I also highly recommend service. Giving back is essential to maintaining strong recovery process. When we volunteer our time to help others who are struggling, we remember why it is so important to stay strong in recovery ourselves, and we also have that compassion for ourselves and others that struggling evokes.

If someone with an eating disorder were to come up to you today and ask you, “What made the difference in your life? What brought you to where you are today?”, what would you tell them?

I would say my mentor, Annie, and other mentors I have had over the years. Recovery, and the desire to recover and to live life, always boils down to how much love we invite into our lives, and how much love we give back to others. I have had so many people over the years who for one reason or another refused to give up on me even when I wanted to give up on myself. Seeing their steadfastness made me realize that maybe they knew something about me that I didn’t, and I wanted to find out what that was. It also humanized my struggles because they taught me that we all have struggles in life, and that my struggles with an eating disorder weren’t harder or easier than other people’s struggles with divorce, cancer, grief, or other issues that life brings. We are all in this together – this is the human condition – and we can only get through it (and remember why it is worth it to endure) when we do it together.

Beating Ana has such a unique structure. The “Recovery Workshops” included in each chapter serve as great tools for addressing behaviors and beliefs, and the movies you highlight in each chapter are terrific thought-provokers. Why did you choose to format the book this way?

Over the years I have received hundreds upon hundreds of letters from individuals all over the world asking for help to recover. In Beating Ana I wanted to highlight recurring themes that seemed common to many sufferers as they progressed along the recovery path. I also knew that for my mentees, it was often hard for them to sit still for long periods of time and read or concentrate. I also knew that they found great satisfaction in being given the structure of completing assignments as a way to find their own answers to their questions. So I simply applied the same format I use in my own mentoring work to the wider readership of Beating Ana. That was the reason I chose to write the book in the first place – I was receiving an increasingly large volume of correspondence and I was running out of time to be able to mentor everyone who wrote to me seeking help. So I thought if I assembled some of the most frequently asked questions into a book format, with exercises and affirmations included, that more people could develop mentoring relationships with themselves and within their significant relationships, and they could receive help that way. As far as the movies go, well, over the years movie characters have actually been some of my greatest mentors! When I first started re-entering my life and interacting with people, I didn’t have that many social skills or a lot of confidence. So when I would be faced with a situation I didn’t know how to handle, I would find myself thinking about a movie I liked and imagining what the character I identified with in that movie might do to handle the situation and then I would try that. If it worked, I could add it to my coping skill toolbox. Those movie characters were like my best friends when I was first trying to relearn how to be with people socially again.

It’s obvious from your book that you are passionate about leading people to freedom. How did your organization Key To Life get started? What inspired you to start MentorConnect?

Key to Life: unlocking the door to hope is actually an organization that covers my involvement in music as well as speaking, writing, and advocacy work. The name refers to my experience that choosing to recover comes down to choosing what matters most to us in life. For me, that was my music. I didn’t realize how important music was to me until I lost the ability to pursue my dreams due to my eating disorder. So that became my battle cry, my reason to fight back against the eating disorder – I wanted my music back. For years I have done my best to guide my mentees towards unlocking their own door to hope by setting their priorities and then ordering their choices to reflect those priorities. When we know what matters most to us it is easier to make good choices, and to say yes to things that preserve what we love and no to things that tear what we love down.

MentorCONNECT formally launched in February 2009, and we have grown so incredibly fast that it makes my head spin every time I think about it. As I mentioned earlier, I decided to write Beating Ana in the hopes of offering the power of mentoring to more people since I could no longer help everyone who wrote to me looking for support. But somewhere in the middle of the writing process I realized that it really wasn’t fair to write a book about mentoring without providing readers with a way to locate a mentor and have that experience themselves. Along with the letters asking for help I had also received a number of emails from individuals in strong recovery who wanted to give back. One day I thought, “wouldn’t it be great to be able to match up the people who want to help with the people who need help!” I looked around online to try to find a place where they could do that, and couldn’t find anything. So I assembled a team and we brainstormed what the community could look like. Today, that community is MentorCONNECT.

Now that you have a book published, an online pro-recovery community launched and growing, and numerous speaking engagements on the schedule, what are your plans?

Well, I would have to say a lot of my plans revolve around MentorCONNECT, because the community is growing and needs a lot of my time and attention. I am also in the very early stages of researching a second book, but it may be some time before my schedule permits me to focus on that. I also have plans to record a new album, but again it maybe awhile before I can fit that into my schedule. We have a lot of exciting possibilities as MentorCONNECT grows and I am committed to being there for the community and offering it my time and talents so that it can serve more people who need to know that recovery is possible.

Thank you so much for your time today Shannon! Any parting words for our readers?

Remember that you are irreplaceable, unrepeatable, and unique. You are the only you who ever was, is, or ever will be, and there is a reason that you are here. So keep fighting – never ever give up – and know that you are equal to any challenge that life hands you. You DO have what you need to tackle your challenges head on – and triumph over them! And if you need support, please visit www.key-to-life.com/mentorconnect and consider joining MentorCONNECT.

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Now doesn't that make you want to read the book???

The Culture of Beautiful

The fashion industry is in an uproar these days. Between horrific photoshop sessions, model suicides, and unhappy consumers, the industry has been dealt their fair share of drama. You would think they would have gotten the message by now.

But no.

There are still images of too skinny photoshopped models released daily. There are still billboards on the highway that advocate sex, perfection, and unrealistic beauty. There are still magazines pushing the toxic image of "beautiful"into the minds of anyone who happens to be standing at the grocery store check-out line. There are still articles within those magazines encouraging unhealthy weight loss and unnecessary standards.

Ladies and gentlemen, something has got to change. We have two choices in our hands today: we can either complain about the industry and its dangers to girls and women, or we can take a stand and actually DO something about it. There are plenty of opportunities to stand up for truth in this photoshopped world, but I've found that not many people want to take the stand.

The truth is, they're comfortable. This is the culture they know. Yes, it's messed up. Yes, it can lead to quite a few disrupted lives. Yes, it feasts on falsehoods and horrible self-esteem.

But, as some people are apt to say, "it is what it is". Beautiful today means wearing a size negative and looking like a photoshopped model in a magazine. It means accepting the rising number of girls and women developing eating disorders. It means teaching elementary school girls that they will never be enough. It means advocating diets to middle school girls and shattering the self-esteem of high school freshman.

That is the culture of beautiful today. THAT is what you are accepting by softly complaining about it in your house, yet refusing to give voice (or even action) to your opinion out in public. I've stressed this before, and I will stress it again: things will never change unless people stand up and start making the ground shake.

The fashion magazines will never see a need for change if their issues continue to sell as they currently are. The designers will see no need for restructure if their clothes continue to fly off the racks. The advertisers will continue to photoshop already too-thin models until they realize that the public is no longer willing to buy it anymore.

We have the power in our hands; we just have to realize it and use it.

Let's redefine beauty. Let's give a future to the young girls of the world. Let's take a stand for truth. Let's fight for the lives of those girls and women dying from eating disorders. Let's change this culture of beautiful for the better.

There is an opportunity to take a stand today. Darryl Roberts, the director of the eye-opening film America the Beautiful, has written a letter to Ralph Lauren concerning their current advertisements that have gone "way too far". Read the letter here and sign up to participate in the boycott on the facebook page.

We have the opportunity to change what Beautiful means today. Let's get involved.

The Commercialization of Thankfulness

If you know me at all, you have probably figured out that I am an "against the crowd" type of girl.

I hate hype.

For instance, I absolutely love the Harry Potter series because I think J.K. Rowling is a brilliant writer, but you will not see me in line to see the movie on opening day. Nor will you see me toting around my book, going on and on about how much I love Harry or Ron or Professor Dumbledore... there are already enough weirdos out there doing just that. In fact, I'm pretty sure there are millions of them.

So if you ever catch me with a Harry Potter book, it will be under the covers in the safety of my own four walls. The commercialization drives me crazy, and I refuse to be associated with it.

Which brings me to other points.

Thanksgiving and Christmas.

This is the time of year when people who normally aren't very nice make a roundabout turn. They smile at the dinner table. They write out their "I am thankful for..." lists for everyone to read. They carve the turkey and watch the annual feel-good Thanksgiving movie. They say thank you in exchange for the box after box of confection goodies.

And then they complain about the long lines the next day.

Here's a thought: how about we practice Thanksgiving everyday of the year instead of one day out of the 365? It might make the world a tad bit more holly jolly.

And not just during the holiday season.

A few days ago, I had the opportunity to see thankfulness firsthand. I was served by the most humble men and women I have ever  met. I may have been the one dishing out the Thanksgiving dinner, but they were the ones making the impact. They were without homes. Some of them were without families. Most of them were without jobs, and all of them were without the commercialized Thanksgiving holiday.

Yet they were happy; they were thankful.

These men and women who had the right to sit on the sidewalk and bemoan society and life instead clung to the hope of the season: God. They saw His hand in their circumstances. They thanked Him for providing the meal and fellowship. They were grateful that a God that big would pay attention to them in all their mess.

They knew the truth of the season.

As Christians, we know the truth. We know "the reason for the season", but we don't always live by it. It's easy to get caught up in the "things" that come along with the cool breeze. It's easy to focus on buying Christmas cards instead of taking the time out of our busy schedules to stop and tell someone how much we appreciate them.

It's easier to buy into the commercialization, but it's not better. Christmas cards, winter treats, and "I'm thankful for.." phrases are all fine and dandy, but there is a greater reason for the season. Those things don't give us the hope. Those things don't point to the truth. Those things are just things that aid in our quest for something more.

As you get ready to lavish your gratitude and gifts on those in your life, remember that sometimes the most special gift is the one that comes out of your own life, not the Hallmark aisle at the grocery store.