Day Seventy-Six: You Choose

Today's change is a little bit different. Today you hold the cards. 

I'm not going to tell you what to do today. I'm not going to tell you ways to "change beauty". I'm not going to challenge you to go against the culture, and I'm not going to spoon feed truth into your lives. 

Today's choice is all up to you. 

Over the past seventy six days or so, I've realized something that deeply disturbs me and deeply relieves me: I can't save anyone. I can tell you the truth. I can challenge you to make those changes in your life. I can even be there for you to listen, pray, and encourage. 

But I can't change you. That's between you and God. 

There is a freedom in that, yet there is also a huge burden. I'm relieved of the pressure to act as the spiritual firefighter, but I am grieved by that reality. 

It's hard to watch people hear the truth and turn away. It's hard to see people struggle day-in and day-out. It's hard for me to talk to people with eating disorders and hear them say they're fine the way they are. It's hard to watch people literally die in front of your eyes, knowing that you can point them to the answer. 

It's hard to watch people walk away from freedom. 

Sometimes I question God's calling. "God," I ask. "Couldn't I have just recovered and moved on with my life? Why must I feel this tremendous burden for these people? Why must I sit here and watch these struggles? It would be so much easier to move on with my life and forget my past. Please, let someone else step up to this challenge." 

And then I realize that this is not about me and my comfort. It's about God and His freedom. It's about "proclaiming freedom for the captives". It's about giving away so that someone else can gain. It's about laying the truth out on the table and letting the people choose. 

So today the choice lies with you. It's a wild card kind of day. Come up with your own challenge, something that is personal to you. We all have our own struggles with beauty. You have struggles that I don't have and vice-versa. Make your own change today because without your involvement, change will never be made. 

I invite you to post your change for today in the comments below. Share as little or as much as you want. To make it easier for you to be free with your thoughts, I've disabled the email and name requirement on the comment section. Just type Anonymous in the name box. 

Let's talk about beauty and the struggles that come along with it. 

Verse: "I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, "Here am I, here am I." (Isaiah 65:1)

Day Seventy-Five: Take People Off the Pedestal

It all started with a tweet. 

Yesterday Mary DeMuth (yes, the author of that really good book) sent a tweet into the cyber world that caught my attention:

"It could be just me, but it seems Christians are extremely starstruck by other famous Christians."

I had to laugh because it is true, and then I had to stop and think about what that really meant. Why do we, ordinary people, put other "famous" people on pedestals? Why do we esteem writers, movie stars, musicians, etc. so? What is up with this weird, weird habit? 

In my Esther bible study this week, Beth Moore touched on this intriguing topic. As humans, we have a strange desire to idolize other humans. We are a celebrity driven culture. It's even so popular as to garner a few special terms. 

One of those terms is so named "BIRGing and CORFing". BIRGing is our tendency to cling to someone of fame, literally becoming obsessed. You see this culture played out especially in the lives of pre-teen girls. My obsessions were numerous: Britney Spears, NSYNC, Justin Timberlake, Kelly Clarkson, Jessica Simpson... I idolized these celebrities. I knew every single detail about their lives (as released to the public), and I immersed myself in every news story, television program, and radio show that featured these "great" people. I, in terms of social psychology, was "basking in reflective glory". I had them on the pedestal, and I was bowing at their feet, eager to get a little of the attention. 

And then there came a moment when those pedestals came crashing down. As is the case with most human beings, these celebrities made mistakes. They released an inappropriate song. They made a spectacle of themselves at the VMAs. They did something that did not warrant a pedestal, and I immediately backed away. 

Hence the term CORFing. I didn't mind being associated with these people as long as they were succeeding, but the moment they made a mistake I "cut off the reflective failure". I took them off the pedestal and waited patiently for someone else worthy enough of my praise to come along. 

This is a weird, weird practice. 

The more I think about it, the more I realize that our pedestals only set us up for failure. When we put people on pedestals, we turn them into idols. And by turning them into idols, we turn everything they have into idols: fame, beauty, money, status. We start changing things about ourselves in order to "look like them", "talk like them", "succeed like them"... even "serve God like them". Unhealthy expectations are added to the pedestal, and we lose a crucial part of our lives: ourselves. 

Beauty is often placed on this pedestal. I take certain "beautiful people" and place them at the place of honor in my life. Because I'm "basking in their glory" I feel the need to change my life so I too can be glorious like them. 

So begins the cycle. 

What would happen if we knocked down the pedestals for good? What would happen if we took another person's beauty, fame, fortune, or celebrity status off the altar? What would happen if we looked at all those "famous people" in the light of truth? 

For one, we would realize that we come from dust. We would realize that someone's status does not make them worthy of the pedestal. We would realize that celebrities are just a few more ordinary people doing extraordinary things. 

We would have our focus redirected to the true Celebrity. 

Let's take those people off our pedestals today. Let's take those expectations off of the throne. Let's worship the only God worthy of our honor today and treat everyone else like normal human beings. 

I don't know about you, but I am tired of sitting under that wooden pedestal of fame. 

Verse: "For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the LORD made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary. Ascribe to the LORD, O families of nations, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength. Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; bring an offering and come into his courts." (Psalm 96:4-8)

Day Seventy-Four: Change How You Use Beauty

Beauty. 

How do you use it in your day to day life? Do you build your life around it? Do you view it as just another pretty image? Do you use it as a means to gain success and recognition? 

Did you know that you can use beauty for all of the wrong reasons? 

Yeah, I didn't either. 

Here's the deal, though: Most women today use beauty in order to get somewhere or something in life. Beauty is never the end; it is almost always the means to the end. 

And it's those ends that keep us tied down in the end. 

In my life, beauty was always the way I seemed to gain attention. As a little girl, I thought that being perfect and pretty would attract the attention of everyone around me. As I grew up, I clung to that belief with iron hands. I so desperately wanted to be noticed. I so desperately wanted to be seen. 

So I did what made sense in my mind... I determined to be beautiful. 

I thought that I could use beauty to gain the attention I craved. It started a vicious cycle of chasing beauty everywhere I went and ended in one big, nasty mess. My quest for attention led to my pursuit of beauty, which in the end led me straight into the arms of Ed (aka an eating disorder). 

I used beauty to be seen, yet it did nothing but hide me behind its cloak. 

Millions of girls and women around the world are using their beauty to obtain their deepest longings. Teenage girls want to be noticed, so they dress according to the latest Abercrombie ad. Preteen girls want to be noticed, so they embark on their first diet in order to fit in with the crowd. College girls want to be loved, so they chase the loose definition of beauty and give away its innocence. Career-driven women use their looks in order to climb the ladder of the corporate world. Middle-aged women use their beauty compare and compete with one another, even when that leads to ruined friendships, marriages, and lives. 

The way we use beauty changes everything. 

Maybe it's time to change that. 

Today let beauty be beautiful. As the popular phrase says, "It is what it is." 

Don't make it anything more because the moment you use it for something more is the moment it ceases to be beautiful.

Day Seventy-Three: It's Not About Me, and It's Not About You

I have to admit, I have been "me centered" lately. As life as I know it unravels under my feet, I have a tendency to cling to how it affects me and my happiness. 

Lucky for me, God is 100% against my "me centered" thinking, and He has been throwing big curve balls to redirect me to the path He intended for me all along.

Here is the whole essence of the Gospel: It's all about Jesus. From the beginning of time to the end of time (which-by the way-is nonexistent), Jesus has been and will be the center.

Not us.

It's easy to live as if it's all about me. When I wake up and open my Bible, I look for the scriptures that apply to my life. When I get dressed, I pick the outfit that I think makes me look good. When I go to work, I think about how it is benefitting me and my bank account. When I do my school work, I think about how it will better my future. When I write, I think about how I can show off my abilities. Even when I reach out in love, I am thinking about what's in it for me.

I have been on the wrong track.

You see, it's not about me or you. It's not about our gifts, talents, emotions, problems, etc. It's not about how we can be comfortable, successful, or prosperous. Turn on the TV, and you will see that life is not about you.

Not one bit.

We were not put here on this earth to please ourselves. We were not meant to win the most prizes, sell the most books, make the most money, or receive the most praise.

We were meant to glorify God with our lives and to do that, we have to lose the "me" and gain the "Him".

It's all about Jesus.

When I first started this blog, I was a little "me centered". I thought that my experiences would be able to help people out. I thought that somehow through my words, I could "save" someone from their struggle. I thought that I had all the knowledge and all the answers.

Then God threw some curve balls my way. He got in the middle of all my plans and redrew the map according to His purposes. And because of that, I am reaching people I could have never reached before. Because of His interruption, there are girls and women coming to learn about Him and His truths instead of me and my truths.

And for the record, it is so much better that way.

It's humbling-isn't it?- to learn that it really isn't about you. It's a little uncomfortable. It's a little eye opening.

But it's a lot transforming.

The moment you realize that this life is not about you and me is the moment you truly start living. It's the moment you see people for what they are: broken people in need of the one, true Savior. It's the moment you see that you can do nothing but point to Him. It's the moment you acknowledge that others are more important than yourself here on this earth.

Today challenge the "me centered" thinking. Pray that God will open your eyes to the plight of the broken around you. Reach out and love on somebody today, without expecting anything in return. It's not about you, and when you realize that, the chains attached to your love fall off.

Now you can love with no strings attached... the way it was always meant to be.

Verse: "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16) 

 

Day Seventy-Two: Be Thankful

It's easy to complain about what we are not. It's easy to sit in silence and brood over someone else's life. It's easy to think on all the ways we fall short. It's easy to compare our lives to someone else's. And it's even easier to believe someone else's life is better based on appearances. 

Lately I've been thinking about all the things I wish I had. I find myself comparing everything in my life to someone else. My writing, my looks, my lifestyle, my personality, and my abilities all seem to fall short in the light of someone else's. And the more I think about these so-called "faults" of mine, the more I wish I could be somebody else. 

It's a nasty cycle, really. 

I know I'm not the only one stuck in this trap of wanting more and wanting to be more. It's not just an Alexis thing; I'm pretty sure it's an everybody thing. I'm pretty sure it's a daily struggle for all of us. It's a struggle that crosses all barriers and fits into all corners of life. It's so much more than beauty. It's so much more than material things. It's whatever, at the moment, makes you feel like you're less of a person. 

It's the thing that seems to make or break you. 

As I sat and thought about all the ways I fail in my eyes, God opened the door to the truth He wanted me to see. Yes, I may not be People magazine's #1 Most Beautiful. And yes, I may not write like this writer or have a book published like that writer. And yes, I may not have her personality or his abilities. 

But I do have my own gifts. I do have my own beautiful life. And for that I should be thankful. 

I have things for which to be thankful. I have an amazing family. I have a good job. All of my needs are taken care of. I am able to move and jump and dance and spin without having to think twice. I am able to read and write.

Yes, I have so much to be thankful for. 

It's easy to take our blessings for granted. It's easy to sit and complain about what we don't have. But it takes a strong person to push aside the convenient thoughts in pursuit of thankfulness. 

There are a lot of people in the world who can't do the things you can do. There are children who would give anything to have a family. There are girls who cry every night because they can't do the things someone else can naturally do. There are women with diseases that stick them in bed and make them feel worthless. There is always someone who has less than you. 

So today, be thankful. Be thankful for what you do have and push aside the plaguing thoughts telling you how you don't measure up. Be thankful for wherever you are in life today and remember to bless someone who has less. A kind word can go such a long way. A meal can carry someone through the week. A friendship can change a person's life. 

Be thankful because God has given us so much more than we ever deserved. 

Verse: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Day Seventy-One: Challenge the Culture

When I was in middle school, I wanted to be Britney Spears.

No joke.

I wanted to sing and dance for a living, walk the red carpet, and be known around the world.

But most of all, I wanted to be that beautiful celebrity whom everyone admired.

I don't want to be Britney Spears anymore; my priorities have since changed. I do, however, still struggle with the culture of beautiful.

When I'm flipping through channels, I have a tendency to stop on the "Red Carpet Shows". It's like instant beauty. As I sit and watch one gorgeous girl after another walk by, I start comparing. I start wishing that I could look like her, then her, and pretty soon I hate the way I look.

That's the culture of beauty. It's never satisfied, never good enough, and never you. The farther you go to chase it, the farther it backs away from your grasp.

Today's celebrity culture says that we have to reach physical perfection in order to be called beautiful. I don't know about you, but I never have (and never will) reach that perfection.

And if I sit on that thought long enough, it just depresses me.

Here's the truth: you really don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. You don't have to look like you just walked down the red carpet. You don't even have to look like that celebrity you have always admired from afar.

You just have to look like you.

I know, I know. That seems completely counter culture. It seems crazy. It seems impossible.

This culture wants to see true beauty, though. People don't want to see perfect women walking around...they want to see REAL women who aren't afraid to be themselves.

Slowly but surely our culture is changing. One day we will normal girls on the covers of magazines.

But until then, we must decide to challenge the culture. We must decide that our definition of beauty is going to be different. We must decide that we are going to be real and genuine.

Things will never change if we sit and adhere to the rules. Challenge the culture of beauty today, and, I promise, change will soon follow.

Let's follow Jeremiah's example today. His life is a great example of what it means to challenge the culture and live by the truth.

Verse: "Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land-against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord (Jeremiah 1:17-19).

Day Seventy: Work on Your Weakness

I’ve been out of town for the past week, so forgive me for the few days I missed. You won’t want to miss these last few days of the challenge though… I’ve learned a lot about myself and beauty over the past week that I want to share with you.

I am a creature of habit.

I like to do the same things, go to the same places, watch the same shows, read the same books, and- apparently- eat the same foods.

Normally habits are good things. It’s good to have a schedule. It’s good to have a plan. It’s good to have something that you can count on in the midst of chaos.

But it’s bad when those habits create chaos in your mind when you’re challenged with an interruption.

This past week has been filled with interruptions, and although I handled them well, my mind has been on overload. I’m thinking about the changes I need to make, the thought patterns I need to challenge, and the so many ways I am different from everyone around me.

Really, I’m thinking about how much progress I still have to make, and how imperfect I still am.

It’s comfortable to live believing you have arrived. It’s easy to let yourself think that you have nothing else to work on. It’s nice to pretend that you are perfect and all imperfection is in the past.

That’s how I have been living.

Somewhere, somehow I started believing that I didn’t have anything else to work on. I believed that freedom translated to perfection.

I was wrong.

Freedom is not perfection. In fact, freedom is anything but perfection. In his letter to the Galatians, Paul writes, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).

Freedom is taking the stance of getting ready for battle. It is walking in the knowledge that a challenge is coming. It is being prepared for the storm.

Christ may have set me free from my eating disorder, but Satan still tries to tie the ropes once again. He knows my weaknesses. He knows the ideas I still cling to. He knows how much certain things still freak me out.

And he uses those things. He flings those arrows and shoots that gun. He attacks when I am least expecting, most expecting, and completely unaware. All ground is fair ground to him.

Oh, but freedom.

Christ set us free so we would no longer be bound to Satan’s chains. He set us free so we can fight for the ground we have lost. He set us free, and He expects us to fight for our freedom. He expects us to “stand firm” and refuse to become slaves once more.

Freedom is not a one-time thing. It is an everyday, all day, for the rest of your life battle.

It is so worth it, though.

Today’s challenge is to work on your weakness. Work on the arrow that Satan flings at you the most. Work on that thought that constantly invades your mind. Work on your weakness so that you stay free from the chains of slavery.

I’ll just be honest: I realized I still have a lot of weaknesses. This past week showed me that I do not always look at food normally. When I am faced with eating out day in and day out, my mind can get a little chaotic. I tend to choose the safest food. I tend to obsess over my choices all day long. I tend to eat not-so-normal.

Some people wouldn’t see a problem with this. Some people would just see it as eating healthy. Some people may look at the way I eat and think it is perfectly acceptable.

But I know the truth for me, and it’s not. It’s not okay for me to battle food choices in my mind for more than five minutes. It’s not okay for me to constantly remember everything I’ve eaten over the past week. It’s not okay for me to sit and ponder over the calorie content of everything I have eaten and have yet to eat.

It’s not okay, and it’s not normal.

See, I may not struggle with my eating disorder anymore, but Satan still shoots the arrows. He knows that if I live my life ignoring these weaknesses, I will fall back into the prison.

So I am choosing to work on those weaknesses instead of living with them. I know that thoughts turn into actions, and I refuse to go there again.

Your weakness may not have anything to do with food, but you do have a weakness. I encourage you to work on it. Don’t ignore it. Don’t let it grow until it becomes to big to handle.

Challenge the thought today so your actions don’t conform to it tomorrow.

Verse: “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

Day Sixty-Nine: Be Part of the Team

Beauty is not standing alone. Beauty is not being ranked number one. Beauty is not about being the "best". 

It is all about the team. 

Have you ever watched a high school sports team? There are two kinds of teammates: the ones who work together and support one another no matter what happens and the ones who don't. A true team will rejoice in one another's victories while the other team is torn apart with jealousy and strive. A true team will cry over one another's failures while the other team will rejoice in the defeat of their fellow teammates. A true team is a beautiful thing to witness; the other team just reminds us too much of real life. 

We are a team. Every girl, every woman, every lady on this earth is on the team. The question is: what kind of teammate are you? 

A true teammate doesn't seethe in jealousy over someone else's beauty; instead, she admires and appreciates everyone's unique beauty. A true teammate doesn't want her other teammates to lose; she wants them all to shine. A true teammate doesn't constantly worried about being kicked off the team; instead, she rests secure in the knowledge that she has been chosen to be a part of this group that loves her no matter what. 

Girls, we are a team, and as fellow teammates, we need to stop comparing ourselves against one another. We need to stop competing and start resting. We need to embrace our teammates and work for the common goal: freedom. 

Today's challenge is to play your part. Step into your role as teammate and cheer on your team. Rejoice in another's successes. Admire another's beauty. Appreciate your own. 

Teamwork is a beautiful thing, so let's practice it today, with or without the gym shorts.

Day Sixty-Eight: Love Yourself

Sometimes I feel like the ugly duckling. 

I can imagine how that little duck felt in the pond. Useless. Insecure. Unwanted. Ugly. 

As he looked around at all the beautiful ducks in the pond, I imagine he felt alone. After all, when you're a duck, beauty is everything. Nobody comes to the pond to watch a duck swim. A ducks role is to sit on the water and look pretty. 

Isn't being a woman the same? 

Today's idea of a woman begins and ends with beauty. "If you can just sit there and be pretty, everyone will like you." "If you can just do this to look better, you will go somewhere in life." "If you could just look like her..." 

Yeah, beauty is everything (according to this world). And like the ugly duckling, some of us get left out. 

It's not fun being in a room full of beautiful women. It leaves you feeling unwanted, insecure, and just plain ugly. You walk away defeated, and all your plans get thrown to the wayside in light of this "disaster". 

And yes- it does feel like a disaster. 

We all want to be told that we're beautiful. As little girls we search for those words. Some of us grew up hearing that we are beautiful, and some of us didn't. Some of us live each day relishing in the truth, and some of us don't. 

I'll admit, a lot of times I don't. 

I don't always believe that I'm beautiful. When I get around beautiful women, the moment I step away the tears start to fall because I'm not as beautiful as them. When I hear other people talk about how pretty another girl is, insecurity flares up and dominates my life. When I feel like there is competition, I bow out and admit defeat. 

Why? 

Because I don't think I'll ever be beautiful; therefore, why stick around? 

I know I am not the only girl who feels like this (at lease I hope I'm not!). As I started thinking about this, I realized that God deals with us directly on this subject. He knew that we would feel like the "ugly ducklings". He knew that we needed to hear that we are beautiful. He knew that we would search and strive our whole lives to hear those words, and He knew what a devastating affect the absence of those words could have on a young girl. 

He knows all that. 

He knows how insecure you feel in that group. He knows how you stay up at night in turmoil over a "silly" thing called beauty. He knows how your heart aches in jealousy. He knows this is how you feel, but He wants to help you move on from there. He wants to guide you toward truth. He wants to save you from insecurity and jealousy and show you a better way, a newer way. 

He wants to show you the way of love. 

Today is a day to just love yourself. Love the person God has created you to be. It may be a challenge (it is definitely one for me), but it is worth it. Don't give into the lies that scream for your attention. Love yourself and the insecurities will fall away. Love yourself, for it's only then that you can ever truly love someone else. 

Verse: "Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his." (Psalm 100:3)

Day Sixty-Seven: Beauty Undefined

The more I think about redefining beauty, the more I realize that beauty has no definition. There are no limits to beauty. There are no requirements to beauty. There are no expectations, and there are no limitations. 

Beauty cannot be defined. 

If we were to come up with another definition of beauty, we would only be creating another constricting box. Beauty is limited to the box. It is completely and radically out of the box. 

As you go through your day, how do you think of beauty? Do you place limitations on yourself? Even if you don't follow cultural standards of beauty, your own standards can be just as damaging. 

It's time we get rid of those standards. 

Beauty should never be defined. It is about being free to be yourself, every moment of every day. So erase the definition of beauty today and embrace the freedom of living under the undefined. 

Today I am throwing aside my own standards and embracing freedom to truly live. I am throwing down the "rules" in my mind that have the tendency to drag me down. I am throwing the images to the wayside in order to accept the person I was made to be. I am declaring beauty as "undefined". 

The moment you step out of the definition is the moment you embrace the complete freedom of what it means to truly be "beautiful". 

Whatever that means to you, today. 

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)

Day Sixty-Six: Embrace Freedom

I haven't exercised on a consecutive basis for weeks. 

Usually that would ruin me. When the realization would hit me, I would drop everything to go to the gym for as long as I could handle. Or I would "compensate" by drastically cutting back on what I ate. Or I would sit and complain about how "ugly" and "fat" I am.

And then tell everyone I know to buy me a cat because I am destined to be an old maid. 

Today is different, though. Today as I sit and think about my so-called "unhealthy" habits, I am not fazed. In fact, I would go so far as to say I don't really care. I may not have the perfect sculpted body. I may not be teetering on the edge between a low number and a high place. I may not win the prize for "Most Beautiful". I may have even gained a pound or two. 

None of that fazes me. 

My body is just that: a body. The number on the scale is just that: a number. Rigid rules are just that: rigid rules. 

And I'm tired of living under so many rules. 

Never before have I been able to just brush off my imperfections. A skipped workout used to ruin my mood for the day. The thought of an extra pound gained threw me into a frenzy. An unflattering picture or image in the mirror led me to my eating disorder every time. 

Things are different now.

The thought of a few extra pounds doesn't panic me. I can start working out whenever I want (preferably when I have the time, which is not now). I don't have to put the important things on hold to combat the so-called imperfections of my body. I am free to live my life without worrying about the long list of rules I have to follow to be "healthy" and "perfect". If the people in my life can't love me the way I am today, then they never really loved me at all. 

They do love me, though. Whatever the number on the scale says. Whether or not I have on make-up. If I work-out or not. 

They have always loved me... I haven't. 

Today I know what it means to be beautiful. Beauty is freedom. Freedom to eat the dessert you tell yourself you can't eat. Freedom to look at the scale and not care what it says. Freedom to look in the mirror and smile because nothing it reflects can change your mood. 

Beauty is freedom what lives moment-by-moment unfazed by the rules of the past. 

Embrace your freedom today. Don't be controlled by the rules. Challenge yourself to be okay with being who you are today. 

I promise, freedom is so much better. 

Verse: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)

Day Sixty-Four: The Beauty of Control

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23)

Self-control is such a taboo word in today's culture. We would rather place the blame on some "disease", "disorder", or "phobia" than take the responsibility and make the change. We want "miracle" weight loss pills. We want drive-thru meals. We want fast service. We even want instant fame. 

But we don't want to have the self-control to do it. 

Believe me, I know how hard of a thing self-control can be; I had an eating disorder-remember? I know how hard it is to resist the urge to satisfy the temptations. I know how hard it is to practice self-control when all you want to do is lose control. I know how hard it is to pick the "best" thing when all you want to do is pick the wrong thing. 

Self-control may not be easy, but it is essential. And its roots go all the way back to the Garden. 

I don't imagine Eve had any more self-control than we do today. When the serpent tempted her with the apple, I imagine her mind went into "turmoil mode". I don't think her answer was automatic; she thought about her decision. 

"Should I eat the fruit even though I am pretty sure God said not to eat it? Or is the serpent right? The fruit does look good... Maybe I'll just take one bite. Surely one bite won't hurt." 

Eve lost self-control. She let her mind wander and entertain the "what if's", and we are still reaping the consequences to this day. 

Oh, if only we were only tempted with a piece of fruit! We're not though. Almost everything around us is a temptation, and sometimes we have to take responsibility and practice self-control. Some of us have to say no to the fifth cookie. Some of us have to say no to the next hour at the gym. Some of us have to say no to the "Blow-out Sale". Some of us have to say no to those things to allure us to bow down and worship them.

Self-control is not easy or fun. You may not see the benefit of it in the moment. But in the end, it is so much better. 

Today is the day to practice it. Today is the day you say no to the overwhelming desire in order to say yes to obedience to the truth. Today is a day of beautiful freedom from the chains that have bound so many of us for so long.

Day Sixty-Three: Are Those Gentle Words?

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23)

This could not come on a better day. This morning as I was catching up on the news of the world, I came across an interesting post from the True Campaign : 

"Fox, Burger King apologize for making fun of Jessica Simpson's weight: http://content.usatoday.com/communities/thehuddle/post/2009/10/fox-burger-king-apologize-for-cowboys-cartoon-skit-mocking-jessica-simpsons-weight/1 "

I wish I could say comments like this were uncommon. 

They're not. 

And it's not just the media who are the culprits in this game. It's the kids in your class at school. It's the people you run into at the mall. It's one of your best friends. 

It may even be you. 

Do you know what gentleness means in the context of Galatians 5:22-23? It comes from the Greek word Chrestotes, meaning "moral goodness, integrity; benignity, kindness". 

So... gentleness is the expression of kindness. It is the word unsaid. It's being gentle with your words, your actions, and your life. It's having integrity in all the things that you say, and I'll even go so far as to say it's having the same integrity in your thoughts. 

Gentleness is a life-style that is developed, and gentleness is the evidence of God in all that you do. 

The world today is not a gentle place. It is not morally good. It certainly does not uphold integrity. It does not tolerate others, and it is typically not kind. 

You will not find gentleness in the world, but you will find gentleness in God. 

And through His gentle words, you can develop a characteristic that is so needed today in a world full of hate: gentleness. 

I'm practicing gentleness today. By guarding my thoughts, I can uphold a quality of gentleness. When I really want to think of say something bad about someone, I think about their life and circumstances. I ask myself, "If I were that person, would I be acting the same way?" The answer is almost always "Probably".

No-I don't put myself in the other person's shoes all the time, but I should. I guess that just goes to show that I, too, still have a lot of growing to do when it comes to this little piece of fruit. 

Practice gentleness today, and I promise you will reap the benefits tomorrow. Gentleness is what makes you a beautiful person, and make-up will never be able to give you the same glow as a "gentle and quiet spirit". 

Join me in pursuing gentleness. Join me in becoming that truly beautiful woman. Join me in practicing gentleness with the man standing in line behind you who just won't shut up. 

He may not be shutting his mouth, but we can always shut ours. 

Verse: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4)

Day Sixty-Two: Sticking Like Glue

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23)

If I could use any word to describe our society today, I can promise you this: it would not be "faithful". Wishy-washy, maybe. Hit-and-miss, probably. But faithful? No. 

We don't know how to stick by each other, and to be honest- that makes us very ugly people to be around. 

I noticed the other day that I haven't been a very good "long term" person. You know those people who have been best friends since the age of "in the womb"? 

Yeah, not me. 

I'm more of a year by year kind of friend. I've started mimicking the society around me instead of practicing that all important quality of faithfulness, which could set me up for a lot of failure in the future. 

Not to mention a lack of depth. 

I love the verse that says "if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself" (2 Timothy 2:13). Even while we were still stuck in our own slime pits, Christ remained faithful to us. He died on the cross while we were still sinners. He stuck by us until the end. So shouldn't we do the same? 

This year has been a year of change. I've started sticking by those people I love. I'm dedicated to my causes. I follow through with my plans (ok- for the most part). 

I'm putting the stick back into my tape. 

Today the challenge is to stick by your friends, your causes, your plans, your God. Don't abandon things because they get too uncomfortable, boring, or hard. Stick like glue. Be faithful. 

If I can learn to do it, so can you.

Day Sixty-Two: Make It a Good Day

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23)

As I sit down to write this challenge on goodness, my mind freezes up. What is goodness? I know what "good" means, but what does it mean to have a character of "goodness"? 

Consider Moses' experience with this thing called goodness: "And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence..." (Exodus 33:19). 

Goodness is a characteristic of God. How, then, can we produce goodness? David answers this question in Psalm 31:19, "How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you." 

First of all, goodness is all the Lord's. We cannot come up with goodness on our own. Our strivings will never make us "good", for goodness is bestowed rather than earned. 

Second of all, His goodness is bestowed in our sight. What does that mean, exactly? It means our eyes are opened to His goodness all around us, and when our eyes are opened to Him, our lives are changed. We see differently. We react differently. We live differently. 

When we live seeing the Lord's goodness in all we do, our lives are drastically changed. If we take goodness for what it is, we see truth in everything. We see promise in everything. We see beauty in everything. 

Including ourselves. 

Goodness points to the greater truth: God is in everything. His goodness, mercy, love, and splendor reside in the creatures who love and worship Him. They are a reflection of His character.

Meaning the reflection in your mirror this morning was a reflection of God's goodness. If we truly believe He has made and is in all things, our view of all things will change. Our eyes will be opened to the goodness of the Lord all around us. 

And when our sight is renewed to the truth, we see beauty in all things. 

Make today a good day. Look for His goodness in yourself and in others. Remember that goodness has nothing to do with you, but it has everything to do with Him. That, my friend, is true freedom.

Day Sixty-One: Be Kind, Rewind

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23)

Sometimes I'm really not a kind person. I know, it's shocking-isn't it? 

But it's true. 

Sometimes I am just-not-nice. Those are usually the times I feel the most un-beautiful. 

Is it just me, or is it a common phenomenon to lash out when you feel the most insecure? I will wake up in a good mood, go through a normal, non-eventful day, and then end it in a total rampage because "I feel fat". Or "not pretty". Or "so ugly people are standing away with a 20 foot pole". (And if they are staying away, I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to be around myself in a bad mood either.)

Kindness. 

Oh, such a hard thing to do when you feel like there is no point in being kind! After all, why be kind when the lady in front of you at the store totally just cut in front of you? And she knew what she was doing! Why be kind when the people in your classes just plain annoy you? Why be kind when your friends ignore you? Why be kind when THEY are not being kind? 

Well, because it's nice. 

The perfect opportunity to be kind is when everyone around you is being ugly. It's not easy, I know. Sometimes it's all I can do to keep myself from saying some very ugly things to some very rude store clerks. 

But I keep my mouth shut. It's what Christ would do. 

When you struggle with kindness, look to the ultimate example of what it means to take adversity without a mean word: Christ. Isaiah 53 says, "He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth."

Christ did the kind thing. He didn't lash out, call all the men bad names, and chase them down with his big giant stick. He kept silent, took their insults... and prayed for them. Actually, His exact words were, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34). 

I'll be humbly honest with you: I don't pray for my enemies. I didn't pray for the annoying (I mean blessed) man who should not have a license to drive yesterday. I didn't pray for all those means girls that I have encountered through the years of school. I didn't pray for any of the "mean people" in my life. 

And to take it a step further, I wasn't very kind to them either. 

Today is, as a famous movie store says, "Be Kind, Rewind" day. I may not be able to go back and find all those people I was just a little unkind to, but I can start over by being kind today. Is it easy? Not especially. Is it hard to be kind when you feel like you have "the right" to act mean? Yes. 

But look at our example. 

He was kind for us... maybe we should be the same.

Day Sixty: Oh no- the P word!

First of all, I can't believe I'm already on day sixty of this challenge. This has been such a growing experience, and I am just blown away by the things God is doing! I know He is working on so much more, and I can't wait to share it all with you. 

Now back to inner beauty. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23

Oh patience. I can honestly say that is not a word that frequents my vocabulary (or my life, for that matter). By nature, I am an impatient person. I choose the shortest line at the grocery store. I drive fast so I can get to my destinations sooner rather than later. I even throw my shoes in the middle of my bedroom floor rather than take the time to put them in the closet (which-by the way-is only five steps away!)

Yep, patience is not my thing. It should be my thing, though. If inner beauty is any indication of true beauty (which it is), then I still have a looonnnggg way to go. Which brings me back to patience. 

Patience is not just enduring the wait; it is sitting in the wait and not even complaining. It is being the only happy person in the five hour line at DPS. It is smiling at the store clerk on your Christmas Eve shopping escapade. It is waiting and not complaining, stressing, or hurrying the process. 

God is working on the patience factor within my own life. When I went to the She Speaks conference in July, I knew I might have to wait. I knew that the publishing industry takes forever. I knew that agents and publishers don't make immediate decisions. The dreamer in me, however, thought I was above waiting. The dreamer in me clung to the hope that I would walk into that room and leave with a book contract. The dreamer in me expected to wait the shortest amount time possible. 

The reality is- I'm still waiting. Two months later, my patience is wearing thin. The impatient person in me wants a decision now, and she doesn't even care if it's acceptance or rejection. She's just tired of waiting. 

Patience, my friend, is a virtue. It builds, refines, and hones in beauty on the most imperfect places of my life. 

Today is a patience day. It's a "wait in the longest line without getting ugly" day. It's an "ok God, whatever you think is best" day. It's a day of waiting. Waiting for what? I don't know. 

Just have patience.

Facing Peace

When you think of beautiful, do images of scorn and stress-contorted faces come to your mind? Do you look at stress-frazzled women and think, "Wow... she's beautiful" ? 

I didn't think so. 

See, peace is exactly that: peace. There is no stress in peace. There is no anger. There is just peace. Plain and simple and oh-so-hard-to-find peace. 

So, what is peace? 

Peace is your position in the storms of life. Peace is sitting in the midst of chaos and not being affected by the waves of worry and doubt. Peace is living with the knowledge that everything is going to be alright. Peace is such a God thing. It is often the stance that gets you through life's toughest storms. When you feel like your world is falling apart because you have no friends and feel like no one understands you & your situation, pray for peace. When the diagnosis comes in and your first instinct is to run out the door and scream at the God who allowed this to happen, pray for peace. When the next step in front of you seems a little too far off and a little too unstable, pray for peace. When you can't seem to get past that image in the mirror, pray for peace. 

Peace will get you through; it is God's way of whispering reassurance to your heart. 

I am entering a season of uncertainty. As I look at the immediate future, my first instinct is to freak out and try to "manage" on my own. I'm not an automatic "trust God" Christian... more often than not I am a "trust me" Christian. I plan and worry and stress, but it all amounts to nothing in the end. Life happens. God intervenes in the midst of our best plans in order to bring about His greater plan. When He wreaks havoc out of our carefully plotted life, we have one of two options: we can have peace or we cannot. 

It really is that simple. 

In John, Jesus leaves us with a promise: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the worlds gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

Jesus leaves us peace. All the time. In every circumstance. He never takes it away, but we can refuse to take it. We can choose to worry and stress instead of take His peace, but what good does that do us? Stress leaves us vulnerable to more stress; peace only leaves us with more peace. 

From now on, I am refusing to be the lady with the frazzled hair and the rigid face. I'm taking Christ's offering of peace and running with it through the harsh winds that are headed my way. Will I be the perfect peaceful Christian? Absolutely not. 

But I will trust in the beauty of Christ's promise and live an un-frazzled life. 

 

Day Fifty-Nine: Have Peace

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23)

I don't know what you, but my mind is typically not a peaceful place. Chaotic? Yes. Disheveled? Totally. A place of no rhyme and reason? Oh yeah. 

But peaceful? No. 

Peace is a hard thing to come across-isn't it? They don't sell bottles of peace at the store. You can't will it into power. You can't even buy it on Ebay. 

Peace is given to you. 

Today I challenge you (and myself) to look for peace. Pray for God's peace in the chaos. You may be in the midst of the worst storm in your life, but you can still have peace. 

What does peace have to do with beauty, you may ask? Everything. 

But I'll share that with you later tonight. For now, I'm just going to live the rest of this day resting in His supernatural peace.

Happiness vs. Joy

If I learned anything today, it is this: joy is a very beautiful thing. 

Joy is also, however, a very complicated thing. It is not happiness and fairy tales and free laughter. It is a heart attitude, a steadfast nature, endurance. It is a fruit of the spirit that can only be acquired through experience. And by experience I mean trials. 

Let's read James 1:2-4 again.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Want to know something interesting? The  Greek word for "joy" in James 1:2 is the same word used in Galatians 5:22. The original word, xara/, means one of two things: "a) the joy received from you, b) the cause or occasion of joy."

Hmm. Notice it doesn't say "the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune" (as does Webster).  The joy James speaks of goes deeper than emotion; it's a choice. 

The cause or occasion of joy. I don't know about you, but I don't necessarily think of "trials of many kinds" as an occasion of joy. I usually greet them with lots of crying, lots of anger, and lots of "it's not fair!" 

And then I walk through the trial complaining about my circumstance until I see a big, bright ray of sunlight through the clouds. That's when I have joy. 

I have it all wrong. 

You see, joy isn't the product of a trial; it is the substance of a trial. It is the within the trial attitude of knowing that something good will come of the storm. Joy is not denial in the storm. It is not running around in the rain with your hands over your eyes. It is not looking at the fire consuming your house and saying, "That's not fire." It's not denying the trouble; it's denying the trouble of its power over you. 

Have you ever met someone diagnosed with a terminal illness? Were they joyful despite their condition? Or were they bitter because of their condition? I have met both kinds of people, but it's the joy that made an impact on me. The people who can look at their stormy reality and have joy are the type of people I admire and strive to be like. 

Those are beautiful people.

Day Fifty-Eight: Singing Joy to the World...or Something Like That

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23) 

Joy. 

Honestly, when I think of that word, I think of red and green blinking lights and Christmas trees. 

I know it should mean so much more. 

Joy has nothing to do with emotions. Happiness does not equal joy. Joy, like love, is a choice. 

Paul said to "consider it pure joy" when we face trials (James 1:2). To be honest, when I read that verse I think, "Paul had some screws lose when he wrote that. This verse must be the result of some bad prison bread." 

But it's not. It's God speaking. It's God saying, "Do the hard thing. Look your trials in the face and have joy." 

Naturally, that makes me want to know more about joy because I don't think he's saying to be happy about your troubles. When the cancer diagnosis comes in, nobody celebrates. When the phone call comes in too late at night, people are not crying with excitement. These are not happy circumstances... so why does Paul say to consider them "pure joy"?

I don't know, but it is worth finding out. 

I'm not only challenging myself to "have joy" today; I'm challenging myself to find out what in the world it means to "have joy". I know that joy is not denial. God doesn't want you to deny your circumstance or deny your pain. He does, however, want you to have joy. 

I'm on a mission to find out what that means. Join me tonight, and we'll discuss this little enigma of the Bible together.

L-O-V-E

*Well, apparently Wordpress decided to vote against me and work on their website last night. How rude, I know. It's up and running now, so just pretend this was posted last night! *

Here is what I found out about love today: I am very bad at it. 

You would think someone who spends their time writing about beauty and life would have it all figured out, but I don't. That's the big, beautiful truth. 

Today I learned that love-contrary to popular belief- is a choice. It doesn't come naturally. It doesn't reside in a soft, heartfelt feeling. It is often painful, uncomfortable, and just plain annoying to do. 

And yet- we're called to love. We're called to "lay down [our lives] for [our friends]" (John 15:13). We are called to give sacrificially. We are called to empty ourselves for the sake of another. We are called to be like Christ. 

I don't really think it was easy for Christ to love His neighbor. We tend to think of Christ as less than human. We tend to think that the everyday challenges weren't hard for Him. We tend to think it came so naturally that He gave it no thought.

That's not true, though. In Hebrews 4:15 it says, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin." 

Jesus was tempted to ignore His neighbor. He was tempted to lash out with impatience, and He was tempted to be selfish. He knows exactly where we are coming from, yet He was able to overcome the natural reactions in order to honor God. To me, that is part of God's genius. He knew that temptations on this earth would be so great that we would throw up our hands in defeat and tell Him, "I can't do it. I give up." He saw our weakness, so He sent His son to live our lives. He sent His son into a world full of temptation so that we could know there is hope. 

Because Christ has already gone through every temptation we could encounter here on this earth, we have the power to overcome. Through Christ we can love our enemies. Through Christ we can love those friends we don't agree with. Through Christ we can step out of our comfort zones and love sacrificially. 

Today I made an effort to love people. Am I great at it? Absolutely not. Does my life showcase Christ's love at every turn? No. 

But the beauty is not in the perfection... the beauty is in the willingness to love when everything in you says to not.

Day Fifty-Seven: Work on the Inside

"Beauty comes from the inside, not the outside."  

We all know the saying. And I'm pretty sure we've all done the eye-rolling that goes along with the saying. It's hard-isn't it?-to live believing THAT when we're surrounded by THIS. 



From an early age we learn that beauty is on the outside. Magazines, commercials, T.V. shows, and more reinforce the idea (and images). We are surrounded by so much "outside" beauty that we throw the idea of "inner" beauty out the window. 

And we chase and chase and chase physical perfection while ignoring the central issue in all of us: the heart. 

What makes a woman beautiful? I mean truly beautiful? 

Is it the color of her skin? The size of her jeans? Her weight? Her height? Her adherence to the cultural standards of today? Or is it something more? 

Something...on the inside? 

The most beautiful women I know are not found on the covers of magazines, but they hold my definition of beauty. It's not just about their physical beauty; it's about their hearts. It's the fact that they love, accept, show mercy, and live self-less lives. To me, that is the ultimate picture of beauty. 

These next few days the challenges will be different. They have nothing to do with outside beauty, but they have everything to do with true beauty. 

It's time we challenged ourselves to develop beauty in the heart. 

These are verses you probably know by heart, but I invite you to take a new look at them. Apply them this time. Think out these attributes in the context of beauty. What do they mean to you? How can you develop these characteristics? What does it look like to live these verses out? The challenge is up to you this time. You can dwell as deep or as shallow as you want, but I pray that you let these true beauty characteristics transform you from the inside out. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23)

Today's attribute is love. Practice love today. Show love today. Think about what love means in your life.

Every night I'll be posting what I learn each day and the challenges I face. You won't want to miss these next few days... God is totally going to transform the definition of what it means "to be beautiful". 

Day Fifty-Six: Where Does Your Worth Come From?

A few years ago, I was asked a question that has kept me thinking to this day: "Where does your worth come from?" At the time my answer was automatic: beauty. "I am only worthy when I am beautiful." Then, in response to my oh-so-brilliant answer, I was asked: "So do you think you are worth anything?" 

My second brilliant answer? "Obviously not; I'm not beautiful." 

And that, my friends, is where so many of us get stuck. Somehow, somewhere we learned that our worth is contingent upon our beauty, our appearance, our "good qualities". That's why envy so easily moves in. We're threatened by another's said "worth". If they are worthy, we think, then we are not. 

Can I let you in on something? Your worth does not come from your beauty. Or your weight. Or your ability to be the perfect mom, daughter, employee...

Your worth comes from someone on the outside. It comes from something that is unchangeable, irrevocable, and ever-present. Your worth comes from your acceptance in Jesus Christ. It's only in Him that we have any worth at all. For that reason, beauty will never satisfy. Perfection will never seem perfect enough. Your "self-worth" will be  a constant attempt to "be good enough" moment by moment. When your worth comes from something other than Christ, you are always fearful of losing it. 

And your life is overtaken by the pursuit. 

We can change that, though. You don't have to live constantly pursuing worth. You can live resting in the full knowledge of the one WHO IS. All it takes is a change in belief.

We can believe something for so long that when we are presented with the opportunity to change we don't take it. I can tell you that you are worthy because of Christ in you, but you can still leave here believing that your worth comes from your beauty (or whatever else you slap the definition onto). It really is a choice. 

Today I am challenging my "worth". When I feel insecure because I don't feel pretty enough or thin enough, I will challenge it with truth: "There is no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ." When I feel threatened by someone else's perceived worth, I will remember that I am "accepted in the Beloved". When I am challenged at all angles by ideas that want to latch onto my worth, I will live as Jesus lived in the desert of temptation: "It is written." 

I know where my worth comes from, and it has nothing to do with me; it has everything to do with Him. 

Verse: "...from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth." (2 Thessalonians 2:13)

Day Fifty-Five: Step Away From the Mirror

How many times a day do you look in the mirror?

How about I rephrase the question: how many times a day do you look into something with a reflective surface to "check" your appearance? 

If you are anything like me, it is way too many times than you dare to admit... how about we change that? 

Here's the thing- the mirror is a dangerous place. Not because of what we see. Not because we can stand there and analyze our appearance until nothing in the world seems good. Not because we walk away with a "bad self-esteem". 

Nope. The mirror is a bad place to spend your time because it is completely and utterly self-focused. When you look in the mirror, what are you thinking of? Yourself. When you gaze at your imperfections, what are you thinking of? Yourself. When you sigh with resignation, what are you thinking of? Yourself. 

Do you see a pattern? Self, self, self. The more time we spend in front of the mirror, the more focused on ourselves we become. 

Let's change that. Are you ready for a challenge that may seem harder than it sounds? 

I know I am. 

Today I am limiting my "mirror time". And window time. And T.V. surface time. And any other reflective surface time. I'm doing what I've got to do, then heading out to see the world. Totally and utterly unfocused on myself. 

What does it mean to be "away from the mirror"? Only you can decide. 

Verse: "[Love] is not self-seeking..." (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Day Fifty-Four: Whose Voice are You Listening To?

More often than not, there is a battle going on in my head. I like to call it, "The Battle of the Voices". These voices appear when I'm faced with a decision to make on the beauty front. These voices appear when I'm sitting at work, trying to mind my own business. Really- these voices appear in the most inconvenient times. 

The problem with these voices is, sometimes I don't know which one is truth.

Yes, I know truth. I know that God has created me with a purpose. I know that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made". I know that the King is "enthralled by my beauty". I know that I am a child of God and through Christ's blood I am victorious over whatever obstacle is thrown my way. 

I know all the truth. What I have a problem with is the voice that doesn't necessarily go against truth. 

For instance, "the food front". Food always seems to be on the front lines for me. It's the battle that I keep going back to. It's the battle that fights itself out in my head. It's the battle I am constantly trying to adhere to the truth. My mind is the place of battle, and there the battle usually stays. I've controlled it enough to stay put, but sometimes the solidarity of the forces overwhelms me. 

The voices say this: "Eat this." "Don't eat that." "Say away from that...you're going to gain weight." "You need more of that, or else you will lose weight." "This is healthy." "This is not."  "You're diet needs to look like her's." "You don't need to eat like her... you're history is different." Blah, blah, blah. 

Please tell me I'm not the only one that fights this battle. 

Looking at the voices, you may think it's easy to determine truth. "Just eat the healthy," you may say. Sometimes it's not that easy. Sometimes I'm not supposed to eat the healthy. A lot of times I'm supposed to take the step and eat the not healthy. 

Then again, sometimes I'm supposed to stop eating the unhealthy. Now I know someone can relate to that. The thing is, sometimes it's easy for me to "eat normal". Sometimes it's easy to grab a snack (whatever it may be) and go. Sometimes it's easy to run to the food I crave instead of choosing the healthy option. Sometimes it's easier to run to food when life gets too overwhelming instead of running to God. 

That's when I'm supposed to choose the healthy. 

Confused yet? Welcome to the life of the former eating disordered. I am not the only one that struggles with this changing truth. I know girls who give into one aspect of truth all the time, and that's where they fall back. The truth is- truth is not always absolute. At least not on the food front. Sometimes I'm supposed to eat the healthy, and sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I'm supposed to go to the gym for an hour, and sometimes I'm not. 

You can't determine your truth from someone else's truth because your truth will be different at different times in different circumstances. It's hard, I know. I look at people, good Christian people, and tell God, "It's not fair." It's not fair that You told them to stick to a healthy plan. It's not fair that they get to lose weight. It's not fair that You tell them not to eat sweets, yet tell me to eat them. 

It's really not fair, God. 

And do you want to know what He says? "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart (Jeremiah 1:5)." He knows you. You. He knows what your struggles have been. He knows the truth you need to cling to at every point in your life, no matter what. He knows everybody else's truth, yet He's telling you something different. 

Why? 

Because He cares for you. He Psalm 139's you. He knows you, every part of you. He knows that you are not her and at this instant, you don't need to live like her. You need to live like you, eating the unhealthy or sticking to the diet plan. 

He knows your truth. 

He's challenging you to listen for your truth today. Today because it may be different tomorrow. Then the next day, and the next. He's leading you to Himself, and in order to do that- your focus has to be on Him. Only Him. 

When does my truth change? The moment I start focusing more on the food or image instead of God. If I run to food for comfort, it's time to choose the healthy and run to Him. If I eat the healthy yet obsess on my appearance, it's time to listen to His voice telling me to choose the not-so-healthy. 

It's all about listening. Listen for your truth today. Focus on Him. 

You can't base your truth on somebody else's truth because they are not you. Today. In this situation. 

Verse: "Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me." (Psalm 119:133)

Day Fifty-Three: Accept the Imperfections

*If you came here today from my She Seeks devotional, welcome! I pray that God will show you this week the beauty in embracing imperfection. Feel free to leave a comment about the freedom of your own imperfections.*

I woke up this morning with a talking pimple on my face. I swear, I've never seen anything so big and ugly in my entire life. It's in these instances that I want to sit down with God and ask, "Am I really still beautiful? Even with all these imperfections?"

The answer is yes; God's definition of beauty has nothing to do with the state of your face. In His dictionary, beauty is all about the state of your heart. 

And on mornings like this, I can honestly say my heart needs some working on. 

Here's the thing: when I see imperfection in myself, I am tempted to sit down in self-pity and sulk. And obsess. And worry. And attempt to "fix" all those imperfections. I want to hide away until I am miraculously "perfect" (which-by the way-will never happen in this life). I want to buy the $100 cream to cover up my blemishes. I'll even admit, the idea of cosmetic surgery pops into my mind every once and a while. 

Imperfection scares me. And correct me if I am wrong, but I'm pretty sure it scares you too. I mean, just look at the sales in the cosmetic industry. Even in a downtrodden economy, we spend millions upon millions of dollars to fix these imperfections. We buy product after product and go on diet after diet in an attempt to look "perfect", and at the end of each day we ask, "Will it ever be enough?"

No.

Because beauty was never meant to be an endless chase of physical perfection; it was meant to be an inner focus on the heart. 

Want to know what is beautiful? Let's start with your reaction to all those imperfections. I've learned over the years that my reaction reveals everything. My reaction to gaining a few pounds is determined by the status of my heart. If it is grounded in truth, my reaction will be stable and rational. If, however, my heart believes the lies of this world, my reaction will be reactive and irrational. I will begin obsessing about my weight and pretty soon be controlled by it once again. 

It's all about the heart. 

Today I am challenging you to look at your heart in the face of your imperfections. How will you react to the number on the scale or the blemishes on your face? Will you storm and rage and sulk? Or will you accept those temporary imperfections and focus instead on the eternal truth? 

I'm choosing to accept the blemishes. And even though it seems like Mr. Giant Pimple is talking, I'm refusing to listen to the lies today. 

Verse: "I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws." (Psalm 119:30)

Day Fifty-Two: Find Beauty in Pain

"After all this has passed, I still will remain 
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain 
Though it won't be today, 
Someday I'll hope again 
And there'll be beauty from pain 
You will bring beauty from my pain" - Beauty from Pain, Superchic[k]

This song always reassured me in the midst of my struggle with my eating disorder. It gave me hope that life would get better, and God would create something beautiful out of the mess I made. 

In the moment, it's hard to see the beauty of a life full of heartache, addiction, and destruction. Sometimes it's hard to imagine freedom. Sometimes the idea of change seems impossible. When the tears keep coming and the behaviors never stop, it's hard to trust that something beautiful will arise. 

In that moment, life seems like a big, ugly mess. 

God is working behind the scenes, though. That moment of hopelessness is God's opportunity to do something great. Even when we don't see the beauty, God is painting. He's splashing colors onto the scene while we still look at our surroundings with black-and-white eyes. 

He's creating beauty in the midst of your pain. 

Today's challenge is to look for beauty. Look for the beauty in the trial at your feet today. Don't give up hope. Don't resign yourself to a life without beauty. If you don't see it now, wait for it expectantly.

Even the worst of storms reveal a rainbow after the rain. 

Verse: "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:18)

Day Fifty-One: Get Rid of Associations

Sometimes it's not just society that drags us down; sometimes it's ourselves.

We all have our own opinions about what is beautiful. We all have our own definitions that have developed in our heads over the years. 

And we all have ideas of what beauty is not. 

Sometimes, without even knowing it, we put beauty in our own little boxes (and I'm not even talking about the media this time). We have a very narrow definition of beauty that we try to live by, and when we don't measure up to it, we panic. Meaning we compromise more of our lives to attain this rigid definition. 

It is tiring. 

When you have to spend all your time making sure you fit into the box, your life has lost purpose. You lose joy, peace, freedom, stability. All for the sake of an image you determined was beautiful ten years ago. 

Here's the thing though: You can't live by what you thought back then. You can't live your life today by what you believed yesterday. Today is a whole new day with whole new experiences. Trying to fit yourself back into the box of tomorrow takes away whatever today has in store for you. 

What does this have to do with beauty? 

Everything. 

We all have a tendency to associate things with the past. For example, I used to swear that I would never, ever, EVER cut my hair short again. My memories of the only time I cut my hair were obstructed by my perception of what I looked like: fat. When I thought of short hair, I saw myself as "un-beautiful". Unattractive. Pudgy. 

My past perceptions became today's realities, and my definition of beauty became smaller and smaller. 

Today so many women live trapped in that box of their own making. The past dictates the present, even if it's not their truth anymore. They refuse to do certain things, wear certain outfits, or go certain places... all for the sake of beauty. Someone somewhere at sometime told them they looked ugly wearing THAT, so THAT never appeared in their closet again. The past doesn't serve to free them; it sticks around and torments them. 

It doesn't have to be that way, though. 

Today I challenged myself to do something "un-beautiful". I have always associated shorts with the past, with an image that I didn't think measured up. I keep shorts folded in my drawers or hanging in my closet until the time when I will finally have the "perfect" body to wear them. 

Guess what? That perfection will never come, and as long as I keep waiting, I'm missing out on today. So I donned a pair of shorts and didn't think about the past. In fact, I didn't think much about how I looked in them either. I thought about today, and it's blessings. I thought about the things to do, and the people to see. 

I thought about the freeing definition of beauty that is not defined by past perceptions or associations.

Day Fifty: Allow Life to Throw You Curve Balls

When my brother was younger, he used to throw huge fits when we would alter the plans. If we said we were going to Target, he expected Target to be the only stop. If we sidetracked to the grocery store, he would stand there in the middle of the aisle and scream, "But you said we were JUST going to TARGET!!"

Total grocery store meltdown. 

It seems that I am a lot more like my brother than I realize. I may not throw a tantrum over errands, but I have a very high tendency to throw a fit when life doesn't go as I "planned". 

Anyone know what I'm talking about? 

I had such an incident just yesterday. I picked my sister up from school, expecting to go straight home, eat some kind of healthy snack, and do some homework. At least, that was the plan. 

My sister? She had other plans. Apparently it's not everyday that someone as "cool" and "fun" as me picks her up from school, so she wanted to celebrate. Translation: she wanted me to stop and go get ice cream as a snack. 

Now, don't get the wrong impression here; I love ice cream. In fact, I eat it now day without the guilt that assaulted me for years. But yesterday, it just wasn't part of the plan. 

I had a choice to make: I could stick to my plan, or I could "celebrate" with my sister and get some ice cream. 

Such an easy choice, but for someone with my history, it was a tough one. You see, it's easy for me to stick to the plan. I've sticked to the plan for years. A chunk of my life was devoted to the plan. Eat healthy. Exercise everyday. Be beautiful. The plan still sometimes makes its rounds through my mind. 

But I don't have to live by it. 

So I threw it out the window and ordered some ice cream, despite the screaming voice in my head. 

And I enjoyed the time spent with my sister...even if it wasn't part of the plan. 

Here's the thing, beauty of this world latches onto the plan. It digs its nails in the plan and refuses to let go. Beauty is formulated by "rules" and "boundaries". The beauty we see on the cover of magazines today does not allow for any unexpected turns. Gained a few pounds? You better lose them before we can call you beautiful. Wearing no make-up? You better put some on before you can step into the spotlight. Pimple on your face? You better hide in the corner until it goes away. 

Yep, beauty today is unrelenting. Luckily, though, we know the truth. We know that it is beautiful to take life as it comes, with all the mess and all the unexpectedness of it. We know that beautiful means taking those curve balls and working with them. Nothing in life is expected, so why should beauty be determined by any other definition? 

God is throwing me my share of curve balls these days, and I wish I could say they were all as small as an ice cream outing. They're not. But even as He meddles in MY plans, I know that His plans are what will determine beauty. At the end of the day, His plans remain. Trusting Him in the midst of the chaos is beautiful. 

So today, allow life to mix it up. Don't conform to the rigidity of beauty. Don't let rules rule your life. Live free in the land of the unexpected... it is such a beautiful place to be. 

Verse: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." (Isaiah 48:17)